gregmahler Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hello, This is my first post on here as I made this account just to ask this. I notice that most questions on here are more upbeat than this so sorry for being a Debbie downer! I’m 23 and never had a girlfriend. Much less, I’ve never had a date and only had sex by paying for it I get nervous when talking to girls, despite being normal in other ways such as having been to uni and have a good job. I feel extremely lonely and its gotten worse these past few months and I worry that I’ll always be alone. I get suicidal thoughts several times a day from it. This is what I look like: gregapage's Library | Photobucket BTW in case it matters. Any comments or advice about my situation I’d greatly appreciate. Thanks.
Necris Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Don't feel depressed about it. Though I would recommend not going to prostitutes. I'm a complete virgin, and never had a girlfriend and most likely will stay single through the forseeable future, but instead of beating myself for it. I have come to the realization wasting my time, money, and energy on trying to get a relationship or one day even have sex is foolish, not to say its foolish for everybody but for me I'll never get anything but wasted time, money, and energy so why not use that energy for something far more productive and try to do something else in your life? Plus its unlikely having a relationship/companionship or sex will make your life any better. Wanting what you can't have only leads to jealously, sadness, and envy. Focus on the more important things in your life, like your religion, your job, hobbies, etc. 2
ThaWholigan Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Has anyone ever told you that you look like Bradley Branning? I kid I kid .... Do not worry about your question, you are far from alone as there are others who struggle in the same way, and I was your age only a year ago and had just lost my virginity 3 weeks shy of my current age of 24. So I'm familiar with the problem. Honestly the best way I can give advice is if I can gauge a bit more about you in terms of your social life, your hopes and aspirations, any other reason why you may feel lonely or depressed. On the fly, some bread and butter suggestions would be to focus on areas that you can immediately control that would open you up to more interaction with people and especially women. For one, I would work-out more and take up a physical hobby, as well as possibly a creative one, and meet like-minded people in similar brackets who may be interested in meeting you. There is also OLD, but I wouldn't put a great deal of stock in that. In dealing with the nervousness, it can be very difficult. I was heavily nervous for years and am still occasionally a bit anxious when it comes to girls. The best way to deal with it is.......to talk to them. Seriously - you might have to brave the nervousness occasionally. Being bold can be the biggest help! You might sh*t bricks, but as you continue you will actually feel relieved and wonder what the hell you were so scared of . If you can elaborate anymore on what you are having trouble with, I can expand more on the little advice I have given . 1
soccerrprp Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Please go find help! A therapist! You will not be able to go through this and improve on much of anything else if you have thoughts of suicide and so depressed that you are not able to function. There are others such as yourself. Know that you are not alone. Keep posting here for advice, support...but get help. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Please know that you are not alone. A number of young men struggle as you do. Focus on the positives and successes in your life and build a large social circle that includes both men and women. Get out of the house and socialize with others as much as you can. Make sure that you are putting yourself in social situations where you meet women, can connect, and ask them out. The more you ask, the easier it will get and the less nervous you will be each time. Understand that you will get many rejections along the way. ALL men do. It has nothing to do with you and whether you are a good person. It's simply about whether you are a match. Two fantastic people can be a bad match. View each rejection simply as getting you closer to the person you were meant to date rather than treating it as a statement about you. It isn't. Feeling sad and lonely at times is to be expected, but try to avoid having this challenge become all-consuming, or of falling into the trap of becoming negative, angry or bitter. That will hold you back. Necris and ThaWholigan are two guys I really admire, and I'm so glad they both posted here. Despite struggling (ThaWholigan has succeeded and I'm sure Necris will in due course), they remain positive, and are always looking at what they might do differently to improve. As they did, I would encourage you to make sure that you have other interests in your life. (Sorry guys! Didn't mean to call you out or embarrass you, but I really do admire how both of you handle yourselves.) 1
ChessPieceFace Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I'm 37 and never had a GF. But at least I never defiled myself with a prostitute. I'm sure if you put any effort into it, in the next 14 YEARS you can have success with women and then be ahead of the game compared to me. So there you go.
Driftking102 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Go find help, but also know this. I am 23 as well. Never had a girlfriend until now. I didn't think it was possible until I met this wonderful girl and we have been dating for almost 10 months. Aside from our issues that any normal couple has, things have been wonderful! I am a virgin and am waiting for sex with this person because she is really special. You will find someone to! You just have to keep looking! I thought it would never come, but I met my special someone. Just keep your eyes open and talk to girls. You gotta have the I don't give a f attitude! It took me forever to get that attitude. The worst they can do is say no and then you move onto the next girl.
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 You need to see a counsellor. You've posted 3 threads on how you look. You don't look bad at all. However, you SOUND desperate. I don't think it's your looks that are the issue here. I think your self-esteem is crying out for some kind of professional support. You look fine. better looking than some guys I see and meet every day. You have a good complexion. But your personality is obviously at rock bottom and it needn't be. See a therapist. That's where the problem lies.
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 You're a good looking guy. I say, let your hair grow a bit longer and have the ruggid (rugged?) look, it's sexy. But my dear, you can't just go on looks so let your personality shine through. I worked with one the most gorgeous men I'd ever seen in my life. Guess what? That's all he was. Didn't have much of a personality nor was he an attentive person to others.
Emissary Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 How much effort have you been putting into meeting women? Have you tried online dating sites like PlentyofFish? Have you been keeping tabs on your social circle on who is available? Have you tried new activities to meet new people? It's hard to tell exactly what your problem is, can't tell if you suck with women or if you just have no drive. I had no drive until I was about your age, I also had no game, but I kept on working on it, and I've recently bagged a real catch. I'm 25, two years ago at 23, I would never have believed I would actually succeed in getting a girl. There is no such thing as forever alone for a guy who is unwilling to allow himself to fail completely. Every failed attempt I had at getting a girl only made me stronger. 1
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