half of me wants her back, half of me hates her

[rollercoster]

kinda long story i dated this wonderful girl for two months, shes in college and work and she has her hobbies, we had a wonder full connection, never argued, the relationship, even though it was short it was sweet, well a week before the breakup it started to get different, she would text me less and it would take her hours to reply to my texts, i knew something was up. before she left to see her family in another state I asked her if i was gonna see her before she left, she completely ignored that text, when i checked her facebook it said she was single. so I asked her if she wanted to break up. she said that she was just so used to being by herself that she wasnt ready for a relationship. I agreed with the break up and we didn't talk for 5 days ( i was heartbroken) i wished her a happy new year and she didin't respond until the next day with wishing me a happy new year. I decided to not speak to her again for 2 1/2 months, she never hit me up during that time. on her fb page she posted a lyric to a song that was about being heart broken trying to move on, so two days ago I decided to check on her to see how she was doing, i told her i though i had seen her and asked her how she was, she asked me where did i see her, I told her and she said it wasn't her and that was it. she never told me if she was fine or whatever. well today is st paddys day and i wished her a happy st paddys day and told her to have a beer for me. she said "thanks I will". i still want her back, its not the sex that I miss, i miss the little things like holding her hand, kissing her, that face she used to make, it kills me inside everytime i think about it, half of me hates her, not because she broke up with me, but because i cant get her out of my head and I'm having a hard time moving on. I've been with other women since the break up, and im sure shes been with other guys since too. I dont plan on ever reaching out to her again unless she reaches out to me first.I miss her so much. I'm terrified of getting into a relationship now, i dont ever want to go through this feelings again. can you guys give me some advice or share some of your stories? p.s i'm 21 and shes 22 and shes the first person thats ever dumped me

[StraylightRun24]

Hey rollercoster I saw that you responded to my thread so I thought I'd give you a little bit of my background which hopefully will lead to a little helpful advice and insight.

 

As you know my relationship lasted a little under 4 months (Early Sept to Late Dec). We are both 28 and met through a dating site. We really hit it off immediately. Initially our first date was only supposed to be drinks but a few hours beforehand she asked if I wouldn't mind going square dancing because a few of her friends were going. Now I can't dance and I would never dream of going square dancing but I told her I was up for anything. It ended up being the most incredible first date I've ever had (AND FREE TOO!). We agreed to grab those drinks we were supposed to get the following week and so began our brief, but to me amazing, relationship...

 

For the next 3 and a half months we would hang out every Tuesday and play trivia at a local bar near her house (and might I add win quite often. We actually had shirts made up with our team name. Sadly I never got mine....), and spend mostly every weekend with each other either spending it at her place or my place. Now as December approached things seemed to be going from us dating each other to us being in a serious relationship. I spent Thanksgiving out in Vegas with my family and she picked me up from the airport when I got back (over an hour drive from where she lives), she took me to her niece's 1st birthday party and introduced me to the entire family as her boyfriend, asked me to come with her to her co-workers/friends Christmas party, and spent Christmas Eve and morning with me and my parents. I even put off going away to visit the rest of the family for Christmas because I wanted to be home to spend NYE with her and we had also made plans (her idea BTW) to visit a museum the Saturday before NYE.

 

So the day before the museum trip and 3 days after Christmas she comes over to hang out and I presume to spend the night. We are sitting on the coach just shooting the bull when all of a sudden out of no where she looks at me and tells me, "I can't be your girlfriend any more....I lack a spark for you....I don't want to string you along further and hurt you even more..." and so on. I was in complete and utter shock because I really thought we were falling in love. She ended up leaving an hour or so later and I spent the next couple of days completely numb. We ended up talking on the phone a couple of days later at her request and we had a pretty good 3 hour conversation. I got a few things off my chest and I have to say we parted amicably. I told her I couldn't be friends with her just now and asked her not to try and reach out to me because for me to get 100% over her I needed not to be around her. 2 and a half months later she hasn't and I'm here still not over her....

 

I think the fact that this is the first girl to dump you and it seemed to come out of no where is playing a huge part in your mental state right now. I've been dumped before (via text message no less) but I had seen that coming for a while so while that bummed me out this one has been 1000 times worse because I didn't see this coming at all. Also the fact that it's such a short relationship (like mine) we have all these hopes and dreams of the future with this person because we are still in the honeymoon phase. I know I was already thinking ahead to Valentine's Day and (gulp) our 6 month Anniversary.

 

One thing I would advise you trying to do is try thinking of Red Flags that popped up during the relationship to make you realize things weren't as peachy as you might have thought. I know in my relationship there were quite a few that I chose to ignore because I had my love blinders on.

 

Oh and it's completely normal to be angry, but you can't let that consume you. Rejection hurts, but as many smart people have told me on this board in a bittersweet kind of way you should be happy she ended thing sooner rather than later. Would you really want to be with someone who possibly felt they were settling for you? I told my ex that I wouldn't want that and I don't want to stand in her way of finding happiness with someone. It hurt like hell to say but that's the kind of man I have to believe I am.