Extremely sarcastic sense of humor?

[tuxedo cat]

Snark is even worse.

[creighton0123]

OP, these four guys didn't work for you. That's really all that matters. Don't second-guess yourself. Just keep looking until you find someone who "does" it for you.

 

It just seems that it is becoming more and more common in everyone, both in dating and in normal socialization. I don't get how people claim sarcasm as a personality trait. It quite literally is saying something when you mean the complete opposite. It is learned behavior...

 

I have another date tomorrow (and a second on Tuesday). Hopefully that will involve mature conversation with a touch of positive humor and not devolve into someone thinking I'm "too serious" because I don't find humor in making fun of strangers who are doing nothing wrong.

 

Until this last guy, I've never actually ended a date in the middle of the evening.

[creighton0123]

Eh, that doesn't sound like sarcasm so much as just straight up mean-spirited "humor."

 

Yeah. It was a combination of both. The tone was mean-spirited. The delivery was sarcasm.

 

"Oh my god. Look at her. Doesn't she look... amazing?" about a girl who looked just fine for a casual night out with some friends who had obviously just took a shower and still had wet hair.

[tuxedo cat]

This thread has gotten me thinking. It's weird because I enjoy dark humor but somehow sarcasm, especially bad sarcasm, is worse. I think I've known too many bitter people who have over-relied on it as a lazy way of putting down others without being clever.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah. It was a combination of both. The tone was mean-spirited. The delivery was sarcasm.

 

"Oh my god. Look at her. Doesn't she look... amazing?" about a girl who looked just fine for a casual night out with some friends who had obviously just took a shower and still had wet hair.

 

I wouldn't like that at all.

 

I'm incredibly sarcastic and dole out snarky crap on a daily basis... But I don't like it when any sort of humor is used at someone else's expense to put them down on a personal level like that. That's just not my style. I'm more about...situational humor/sarcasm.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Most academics are highly sarcastic. They can be quite cutting when criticizing your work in that manner. But other times, when it's just observational sarcasm I find it funny.

 

I associate sarcasm with dark humor too.

 

 

For example:

 

My boss: Our band manager died from heart attack few days back so I now have to take over his duties on the top of writing grants.

 

Me: How inconvenient for you. He should have waited at least two more weeks to die.

 

My boss: I know, how selfish of him.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think sarcasm can come in different flavors and at different levels...I think it works well when you are actually "funny"...otherwise you're just going to look like an idiot if it flops, and it'll just come off "mean" and it can't be too personal. And unfortunately, most people are not that funny.

 

I'm a sarcastic guy myself in general, but the majority of the time I'm making people laugh with it rather than making them feel insulted. I will definitely make fun of someone who is deserving of it, some people are just ridiculousness.

 

However I've met some people who liked to throw little sarcastic jabs at me with sarcasm as well pretty early on, overstepping the boundaries I'd say for an initial meet, more of like the filtered low blow....but I will tear you up if you do that, I can get really really mean If I want to because the things that pop in my mind...you don't even want to know, and I'm very clever and witty with my insulting sarcasm and I've definitely burned a few people that were trying to kind of get the upper hand on the "battle of wits" front. And you know, some people are just testing you too to see if you'll take it or can fight back...which I get to an extent I guess.

 

But the majority of the time it's not that serious, you do have to have an inclination for it and be able to read it when it's happening, otherwise you'll get caught off guard and be hit with a remark and feel confused, but if the person who is being sarcastic is doing it right with body language/tone of voice, it typically is understood well...I hardly run into a situation where someone is confused on whether I'm serious or not, and I've met some pretty slow people in my day ::shakes cane at you:: seriously, people who believe everything you say no matter what it is.

 

So yeah, I think you do have to have a bit of wit to figure it out...sometimes, but it also depends on how it's being delivered. Also you have to take into consideration present company, It's not something I do with people I don't know or would do on a date...I might make a sarcastic playful tease or joke but I wouldn't over do it.

 

I hate that really dry-dull, plain-faced sarcastic humor that's not even funny from people who think they are snarky/witty or people that make really retarded remarks/insults jokes thinking they're too school for cool and think they're the shet...they tend to be the intellectual/nerd types. And I shall give no quarter in a battle of wits, not that they are as witty/clever or creative as they are intellectuals.

[creighton0123]

Most academics are highly sarcastic. They can be quite cutting when criticizing your work in that manner. But other times, when it's just observational sarcasm I find it funny.

 

I associate sarcasm with dark humor too.

 

 

For example:

 

My boss: Our band manager died from heart attack few days back so I now have to take over his duties on the top of writing grants.

 

Me: How inconvenient for you. He should have waited at least two more weeks to die.

 

My boss: I know, how selfish of him.

 

Yeah....

 

I wouldn't be able to cope with that. Too cold, dark, mean, and inappropriate for me. Not my taste in humor at all.

[Star Gazer]

Most academics are highly sarcastic. They can be quite cutting when criticizing your work in that manner. But other times, when it's just observational sarcasm I find it funny.

 

I associate sarcasm with dark humor too.

 

 

For example:

 

My boss: Our band manager died from heart attack few days back so I now have to take over his duties on the top of writing grants.

 

Me: How inconvenient for you. He should have waited at least two more weeks to die.

 

My boss: I know, how selfish of him.

 

That's funny/sarcastic.

 

What wouldn't be funny is to add on something like: "Well, at least now he's free of his fat ass wife! God, I don't know how he didn't die just from waking up to her face every morning!"

[tuxedo cat]

Most academics are highly sarcastic. They can be quite cutting when criticizing your work in that manner. But other times, when it's just observational sarcasm I find it funny.

 

I associate sarcasm with dark humor too.

 

 

For example:

 

My boss: Our band manager died from heart attack few days back so I now have to take over his duties on the top of writing grants.

 

Me: How inconvenient for you. He should have waited at least two more weeks to die.

 

My boss: I know, how selfish of him.

 

I had a boyfriend who was hilarious and would come up with twisted fantasy scenarios that would make me double over in laughter. He was also a great storyteller. I guess that's my favorite kind of humor.

[Krieger]

I have more of a deadpan/dark sense of humor on top of being sarcastic.

 

I used a joke I heard from a comedian and used it in class I just had to do it.

 

we were discussing about favorite authors and why.

 

so i said William Shakespeare is one because If it wasn't for William Shakespeare, I would have totally over-reacted when my fiance killed herself.

 

I did help that i had a blank expression on my face so people thought I was serious :laugh:

 

anyway some times it is ok to be sarcastic but in my case people that do not know me will think I am serious when I am joking .

[tuxedo cat]

I have more of a deadpan/dark sense of humor on top of being sarcastic.

 

I used a joke I heard from a comedian and used it in class I just had to do it.

 

we were discussing about favorite authors and why.

 

so i said William Shakespeare is one because If it wasn't for William Shakespeare, I would have totally over-reacted when my fiance killed herself.

.

 

That's a kind of creepy/disturbing thing to say. Not funny...just creepy.

[sweetjasmine]

Most academics are highly sarcastic. They can be quite cutting when criticizing your work in that manner. But other times, when it's just observational sarcasm I find it funny.

 

I associate sarcasm with dark humor too.

 

 

For example:

 

My boss: Our band manager died from heart attack few days back so I now have to take over his duties on the top of writing grants.

 

Me: How inconvenient for you. He should have waited at least two more weeks to die.

 

My boss: I know, how selfish of him.

 

That's the kind of black humor my friends and I like. That, plus some sarcasm, deadpan, word play, etc. But there is a difference between all that and just being nasty (like making rude, catty comments about people, whether you know them or not).

 

No coincidence that my favorite comedians are Emo Phillips, Steven Wright, and Lewis Black.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think sarcasm can come in different flavors and at different levels...I think it works well when you are actually "funny"...otherwise you're just going to look like an idiot if it flops, and it'll just come off "mean" and it can't be too personal. And unfortunately, most people are not that funny.

 

I'm a sarcastic guy myself in general, but the majority of the time I'm making people laugh with it rather than making them feel insulted. I will definitely make fun of someone who is deserving of it, some people are just ridiculousness.

 

However I've met some people who liked to throw little sarcastic jabs at me with sarcasm as well pretty early on, overstepping the boundaries I'd say for an initial meet, more of like the filtered low blow....but I will tear you up if you do that, I can get really really mean If I want to because the things that pop in my mind...you don't even want to know, and I'm very clever and witty with my insulting sarcasm and I've definitely burned a few people that were trying to kind of get the upper hand on the "battle of wits" front. And you know, some people are just testing you too to see if you'll take it or can fight back...which I get to an extent I guess.

 

But the majority of the time it's not that serious, you do have to have an inclination for it and be able to read it when it's happening, otherwise you'll get caught off guard and be hit with a remark and feel confused, but if the person who is being sarcastic is doing it right with body language/tone of voice, it typically is understood well...I hardly run into a situation where someone is confused on whether I'm serious or not, and I've met some pretty slow people in my day ::shakes cane at you:: seriously, people who believe everything you say no matter what it is.

 

So yeah, I think you do have to have a bit of wit to figure it out...sometimes, but it also depends on how it's being delivered. Also you have to take into consideration present company, It's not something I do with people I don't know or would do on a date...I might make a sarcastic playful tease or joke but I wouldn't over do it.

 

I hate that really dry-dull, plain-faced sarcastic humor that's not even funny from people who think they are snarky/witty or people that make really retarded remarks/insults jokes thinking they're too school for cool and think they're the shet...they tend to be the intellectual/nerd types. And I shall give no quarter in a battle of wits, not that they are as witty/clever or creative as they are intellectuals.

 

I never do it on dates because I know that dark humor/sarcasm would just make me seem weird or there is a chance the guy wouldn't get my delivery (because he doesn't know me yet). Generally, I have more of a problem with it online because in real life I soften in with facial expressions and tone of voice so that people know I am joking.

 

My brother and my dad are both sarcastic although minus the black humor part so I tone that down with them. My mum is not at all and she keeps getting offended, the worst is when 3 of us are joking and she is not getting it.

 

I have another boss that is dry-dull, plain-faced intellectual, and he is not funny at all to me, he just sounds too full of himself and like a critical a-hole.

 

There is a fine line to walk, but it's mostly about the delivery.

[RachR]

I like sarcasm in humor. But sarcasm used like OP's date did is just immaturely rude, and off putting. That's different. Don't like sarcasm from kids either, that's disrespectful toward adults. Someone can be sarcastic without it being actually funny or meant to be funny. I've been sarcastic when mad at someone before and I wasn't being funny.

 

Someone I know is very sarcastic and usually making me laugh. However, when he's in a bad mood, his sarcastic comments start to become more like mocking in a mean way and jabs, it's subtle but you can tell the difference when it crosses over. He recently insulted me this way and I let him know.

 

I like dark humor too. I laughed at Enternal Sunshine's joke.

Edited March 18, 2013 by RachR

[Eternal Sunshine]

I like sarcasm. But it's just immaturely rude to make fun of random stranger's looks like OPs date did, and off putting. That's different.

 

Someone I know is very sarcastic and usually making me laugh. However, when he's in a bad mood, his sarcastic comments start to become more like mocking in a mean way and jabs, it's subtle but you can tell the difference when it crosses over. He recently insulted me this way and I let him know.

 

I like dark humor too. I laughed at Enternal Sunshine's joke.

 

That's why I like that boss, we can go back and forth for hours with dark humor/sarcasm. We are usually laughing the entire time so it doesn't come across as that dark

[Cutiepie1976]

Yeah. It was a combination of both. The tone was mean-spirited. The delivery was sarcasm.

 

"Oh my god. Look at her. Doesn't she look... amazing?" about a girl who looked just fine for a casual night out with some friends who had obviously just took a shower and still had wet hair.

 

You know, the point of a date is to get to known the person you're meeting. The focus should really be on each other. I can understand why you were so frustrated. Instead of talking about himself or you and building rapport and an emotional connection, he spent the entire time focused on putting down random strangers. In a scenario like that it can be a way of avoiding an emotional connection or of insecurity. It could also just be the way he deals with nervousness and the potential risk of rejection. Sarcastic humor and snark can be light-hearted, fun, and hilarious. It can also be mean-spirited, nasty, and cruel. Depends on the context, setting, and intent. It's also about using your judgment and gauging your audience.

 

Again, you learned that you weren't a good match. So the date served it's purpose. We won't click with many first dates. Just keep on trucking until you find your match. Then things will fall effortlessly into place, and you'll really click.

[mortensorchid]

I'd move on from this guy before you get in too deep. Based on what you said about him that is. There is a fine line between sarcasm and mean, and I think he crossed over into mean. If he's making comments about the people around you, he'll make comments to you which are not so pleasent as well. Don't believe me? Stick around and he'll make comments about you and hurt you as well. Ditch him.

[happykat]

Well.. I take back what I said in the beginning of this thread (f*** em if they can't take a joke).. Today I found out that a friend is very insulted by something I said and it seems that he may not talk to me again. I apologized from my heart, and I feel terrible. I know this is something I have to work on and be more careful about.

As soon as I had that conversation with him today I remembered about this thread.. uggg

[apple OR orange]

i'm sarcastic, i dont date so i dont care really...

[creighton0123]

You know, the point of a date is to get to known the person you're meeting. The focus should really be on each other. I can understand why you were so frustrated. Instead of talking about himself or you and building rapport and an emotional connection, he spent the entire time focused on putting down random strangers. In a scenario like that it can be a way of avoiding an emotional connection or of insecurity. It could also just be the way he deals with nervousness and the potential risk of rejection. Sarcastic humor and snark can be light-hearted, fun, and hilarious. It can also be mean-spirited, nasty, and cruel. Depends on the context, setting, and intent. It's also about using your judgment and gauging your audience.

 

Again, you learned that you weren't a good match. So the date served it's purpose. We won't click with many first dates. Just keep on trucking until you find your match. Then things will fall effortlessly into place, and you'll really click.

 

Yup. Turned him down for a second date. Had a wonderful first date tonight with a guy who was able to have good conversation and good fun who will get a second date. :-)

[Roadkill007]

"Lost in the debate over offensive humor is the fact that a lot of unfunny people think simply being offensive makes them a laugh riot." I don't quite remember where I got this from, but it's hit a spot deep in me, and I felt it was pertinent to the OP.

 

I myself am also a fan of the kind of black humor that many people in this thread have shown. However, I'm not a fan of the use of sarcasm to put down people. There's a huge difference to how sarcasm feels when it's used in good humor versus with bad intentions.

 

I used to have this "friend" with a similar type of sarcasm as in OP. I don't even remember how she used to be when we were kids anymore, because that biting sarcasm not used in good humor completely warped my image of her. Last I saw her was high school graduation, and I had to excuse myself so that I didn't have to force myself to interact with her parents while she was there. These are people I knew from preschool to high school...

 

In any case, I'm sorry you had to go through that. hopefully you won't think that sarcasm itself is the problem here. There are people that simply abuse it to put others down rather than using it to better the mood of others.

[KungFuJoe]

Humor is 100% timing.

 

Just like anything that is supposed to be funny...saying it at the wrong time, in the wrong manner, or too often...is bad. Not just sarcasm.