lydstxman Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 I am new here and am looking for some advice. I looked over several of your posts and it looks like several here are in a similar situation as me. Let's see. My wife of 6 years left back in April of this year because her father was sick at home and she wanted to go help take care of him I didn't have a problem with that since she will be a donor to him if he ever gets better enough for the operation. Anyway, like I said I didn't have any problem with that and sent her on her way. She returned about a week later and stated that she needed to go back to help with him in 1 week and that she was going to take her son (my step son) out of school and take him with her for the summer. I didn't have a problem with that either. I told her that I would miss her but I could survive. Everything seemed fine, we even had sex the day she left. We told each other I love you and all that before she hit the road. A week later she calls me, she had been avoiding my calls up till then for some strange reason. When she calls she says that she was going to go stay with her mother in the next state over...about 4 hour drive. A week after that she calls me and says she wants a divorce. I was not ready for that at all!!! I tried to talk to her but she would not reconsider. She would hardly talk to me on the phone. She just said that we are too different and she was tired of me. There is a considerable age difference, she is 31 and I am 45. I tried to call her several times after that but she didn't want to talk. I sent her two very long letters by mail and got no response. I sent her text messages telling her that I love her but again no response. She did call a couple of times during this but that was just to discuss the divorce. At the end of June she writes me a text message to my phone saying that she missed me too much and wanted to come back home. All this time I thought she was living with her mother but at this time she told me that she had been living with her ex-boyfriend for the past two months. I let her come back because I love her too much but this ex-boyfriend thing has me shaken. I would have never have thought she would have done something like this. Apparently he has a lot of money and bought her a lot of things like a jet ski, clothes, jewelry etc. He was even going to buy her a Hummer H2. Well I cannot compete with all that money but she still came back. She said that she only had sex with him 2 times out of guilt for him buying her all that stuff. She said that she just need a place to stay away from her mother since she was making her crazy. So he offered the place to stay and she accepted. Anyway, she has been back with me since June 28 and things are doing okay with us. The thing is that it is hard to get the thought of her having sex with her ex. off my mind. How can I deal with this? I love her very much but this thought is on my mind a lot. She has said that she was sorry for making me hurt and that she would never do that again but it still hurts. She says that she still loved me even when she moved out but how could someone that loves you have sex with someone else? I am torn between two things. I can let it go and just enjoy the time we have together and enjoy her love. Or I could keep letting this bother me, in which I am not myself and it is hard to look at her in the eyes thinking of her with the other guy. I hope I can get some good guidance from this site.
DAC3 Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 Wow! I'm sure your heart is broken. Okay I am new to this board and your post caught my attention. This must be so painful. Okay I have been through a divorce and I caught my husband cheating on me. We were separated at the time but still working things out. I caught him cheating on me during our separation. In his heart he felt it was okay because we were separated. NOT!! Anyway I was so heartbroken that I would do anything to get him back. I would sit at his house and watch as the two of them would drive off for the weekend. Crying, dying inside. I took him back knowing in my heart of heart what he did was wrong. We got back together and stayed together for 2yrs. The worst two years of my life. I never trusted him, I never felt safe with him and I could never forget. Once I had him and felt sure he was gone I began to see light of things. I started thinking about all the things he did to me and what I was doing to myself. It took yrs and I finally had to leave. I forgave him for what he did but could never forget. It ate at me for years. Trust is so hard to regain. I only hope and pray that you find the trust back in your marriage. She lied to you, He lied to me and then continued to lie. That is not what a marriage is based on. Honesty, Trust, etc. She betrayed you on all. This is something that is to each but It will take a while for you to gain her trust. She must we willing to give it all and do everthing she can to earn the trust back. I really have no advice other than you have to do what is best in your heart. If you love her and can forgive and move on this is what you need to do. But I am telling you it is so hard. You both need some counseling or support groups together. Open up to her and share your feelings. This is something you both have to work out together and if she loves you she will have to wait till you heal from your broken heart. It doesn't happen over night and you must not punish her through the healing. That is why you need to get help together. I am so sorry but time does hill. We have been divorced for about 2yrs and we are great friends. We were able to work through our issues but I realized I could not love and be married to a man that cheated on me. These are my beliefs and I just had to forgive and move on. I wish you the best and I will pray for you.
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