curlygirl40 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hello! Just did something I've never done before and now hoping that it wasn't so forward that it makes the guy go 'whoa!!'. Here's the story... There is this band I go see every couple of months and every time I go there's the same group of people there so we've become friendly. There's one guy in their group that always shows up alone, I've never met him though, he usually comes later in the evening and seems a little quiet. By the time he shows up I'm on the dance floor with the girls so we're all a little less chatty just out on the floor having a good time and the guys are hanging out doing whatever guys do while girls are dancing. Probably watching the girls dance. lol I was browsing on POF recently (I'm not a member but will sometimes search for the fun of it) and saw his profile. Great written profile, says he's looking for a relationship, he's about my age with 2 teenagers (like me), etc. That band was playing last night so I went, hoping he would be there, but he didn't show up. I asked some of the girls in the group about him and they couldn't say enough good things about him. Great guy, funny, been on line dating but hasn't met anyone, etc., etc. They encouraged me to reach out to him so I did. I'm not a member of POF but I found him on FB. I didn't friend him I just sent him a quick message. Once I hit send I thought maybe it was too forward? Maybe I just should have waited until that band played again in a couple of months and hope he showed? What do you all think? Too forward?
MrCastle Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Not forward at all, I'm sure he was pleasantly surprised.
outsidethebox Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I don't know if you did, but I would have mentioned in the note that you didn't see him at last show and asked about him and the girls recommended you message him. He will be touched on many levels. Not sure I could draw up a more perfect scenario than this.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 The only problem is that when you send a message to someone you are not FB friends it, it goes to "other/spam" folder so he may not see it, as he won't get the notification. I had someone's message sitting there for 3 weeks and I am very active on FB. So if you don't see "read" message soon, you may have to friend him first. 1
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Phew I feel better already, thanks guys! And that's exactly what I did. Told him I was out watching the band play last night and got to talking to A and L and they encouraged me to reach out to him, etc. I attached some pictures onto the message since my profile is set to private he will only get to see the one picture on my FB profile. So now I wait. Tick tock. lol Thanks again! 1
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 The only problem is that when you send a message to someone you are not FB friends it, it goes to "other/spam" folder so he may not see it, as he won't get the notification. I had someone's message sitting there for 3 weeks and I am very active on FB. So if you don't see "read" message soon, you may have to friend him first. Oh I didn't know this, thanks for the tip! At least now I will know to look to see if he read it. Thanks ES
happykat Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Not too forward.. I think it's cool , good for you
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I think the only thing that may make him go "whoa" (besides your pictures) is the fact that you found him on FB without ever having spoken to him, and as far as I know you need to know the last name right?...however you spoke with those other ladies and they gave you that information I'm assuming? I think overall it's a very good move though, plus I've never gotten the creepy/stalker vibe from you I think he'll be delighted and charmed by your gesture, and it'll work out for you and you'll receive a response. You're already doing something you both like as well, so It's going to be very easy and casual to get together and meet/talk. You also have a bit of a background check in terms of reputation...while not something you can take to the bank, it's always better when people have something positive to say about you, let alone many things. I think you took the proper initiative...maybe it would have been better to contact him via POF? kind of depends and I really wouldn't worry about it at this point...all in all a good move IMO in terms of taking the initiative, especially through word of mouth and I think it'll pay off. Now it will just come to compatibility and chemistry and whether he is dating/seeing anyone else. But that's not something you can control or should think worry about at this point. So good job, you get an ummm, lets see , green face..like in a bag of skittles, yeah, not sick or throwing up or experiencing morning sickness...since the bunny is starting to get on my nerves! 1
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Ninja I found your profile on OKC and you've never gotten the stalker vibe from me? Interesting. LOL kidding Anyway, thank you!! And yes one of the girls texted me this morning to tell me she tried to call him to tell him about this 'great girl she met last night' but couldn't reach him and that's when she gave me his last name so I could find him on FB. I think it will all work out o.k, I was questioning myself about contacting him via POF but I really didn't want to create a profile on that site just to contact him. Not sure which way was the best to go so I chose FB. The girl I was talking to about him said 'he has a profile online but he's just not meeting anybody!!' so I'm assuming he's still single. I'll post and let you guys know if/when he responds! Thanks
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Ninja I found your profile on OKC and you've never gotten the stalker vibe from me? Interesting. LOL kidding Anyway, thank you!! And yes one of the girls texted me this morning to tell me she tried to call him to tell him about this 'great girl she met last night' but couldn't reach him and that's when she gave me his last name so I could find him on FB. I think it will all work out o.k, I was questioning myself about contacting him via POF but I really didn't want to create a profile on that site just to contact him. Not sure which way was the best to go so I chose FB. The girl I was talking to about him said 'he has a profile online but he's just not meeting anybody!!' so I'm assuming he's still single. I'll post and let you guys know if/when he responds! Thanks You were my first LoveShack stalker on Okcupid...you'll always have a "special" place in my heart.. ..and the first person named on the suspect list If I'm mysteriously knocked unconscious and raped (the quiet ones are always the most dangerous!) while eating tacos in my car...and written in bean sauce upon my bare naked cheese flaked chest..."If I can't have him....no one can!...P.S. I'm having your babies!"...a golden lock of hair, the only evidence of the perpetrator. And no, I don't think you should have went out of your way to create a POF profile either curly...can I call you curly since I already know you are a girl? or should I call you girl since I already know you are curly? Anyway...he just met somebody!
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Not to interrupt your love fest with Ninja, but good for you! I think FB was a better way to go than POF. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Oh I didn't know this, thanks for the tip! At least now I will know to look to see if he read it. Thanks ES BTW, no, not too forward. I can totally see doing it myself if the right situation arises. I have had it done to me and I always thought awww Update us!!!
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Ninja-of course you can call me Curly. Like my dad says 'you can call me whatever you'd like, just don't call me late for dinner'. (especially when there's Tacos for dinner. Coincidence?) ES - Thank you so much for your tip! I actually went on to my FB and noticed there was an 'other' folder in the message section and there were about 8 misc (mostly spam) messages from as far back as 2 years ago that I never knew existed. Ugh. So I ended up friending him so he would see the message. Cutiepie1976 thank you too! I will update if/when I hear from him. I'm anxiously waiting now. L from last night texted again and invited me to go to a parade this Sunday and said he will be there. I don't know this group that well so it seems a little awkward to go like that but we'll see. I'm going to wait to see what the week brings. :-)
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Hello! Thought I would update this thread. After reading ES's advice about the fact that if we weren't friends the message would go into his 'other' folder, I friended him. Late that night he accepted my friend request and the message I sent him had a 'read receipt' for the same time. Then......nothing. And nothing and nothing. So I let it go. BUT then L, his friend, won't let it go. She keeps texting me and telling me she's going to see him at work and tell him about me, etc. She never had that chance apparently, they work in a huge place and don't always see each other. Yesterday morning she texts me and asks me what I was doing that night because that band was playing again. I changed my plans and ended up bringing some friends and that guy did show up. L was so excited, immediately told him he had to meet me then pulls me over and parked me right next to him. It was a little awkward at first mostly because I know I sent him a message and he ignored it, so...... We talked and danced the rest of the evening, the band was shutting down and it ended up being just the 4 of us hanging out and talking until about 2 a.m. L, her bf, this guy and me. We had a nice chat, sat close and talked. We made plans (the 4 of us, not just him and me) to go out again on Friday night. He never asked for my number and I didn't offer it up, I felt if he was interested he would have asked. So that's where it sits. He seemed VERY interested in person, but he didn't really have a chance since L kept pushing us together kind of. I felt like I was in HS again with friends trying to hook us up. lol I'll see him Friday and see where it goes. I'm dating someone else right now but I have my guard up with him and I'm not sure why so we'll see how it all shakes out. 1
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Seems like a perfectly fine approach to me. I'd be flattered. Depending on the content of the FB message of course. Did it include a bra and panties self taken bathroom mirror photo? Because those are awesome Oh no. I'm not that kinda girl. At least not at first.... lol He'll have to wait to see them in person I will laugh if after 2.5 years and 50 (FIFTY!!) first dates through OLD I actually meet 'my' guy through friends. It will be funny to see it play out.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) I think you're handling it well. Would be nice if your mutual friends gave him a chance to take the initiative. It makes it hard to tell if the guy is truly interested or just being polite when someone is pushing things so hard. Still, he's probably at least a little intrigued. He did come after all. L means well, and is probably just very excited to play matchmaker. It's good that she at least got you two talking. I would thank her for that. As long as you're flirting with him and showing interest, just play it by ear and see if he bites. Edited March 31, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 1
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 I think you're handling it well. Would be nice if your mutual friends gave him a chance to take the initiative. It makes it hard to tell if the guy is truly interested or just being polite when someone is pushing things so hard. Still, he's probably at least a little intrigued. He did come after all. L means well, and is probably just very excited to play matchmaker. It's good that she at least got you two talking. I would thank her for that. As long as you're flirting with him and showing interest, just play it by ear and see if he bites. Ya I need to find a way to get L to calm down. One of the girls last night even said to her 'Chill, let nature take it's course!' and she settled down. He needs to decide for himself if he is interested and then he needs to go from there. If he's always being pushed towards me he won't have the distance to decide on his own. That's not good, I thought of that myself. He's one of the only single guys in that group and has had a hard time meeting girls and I think L is just excited because she likes both of us and would like to see us together. Time will tell. I just had another gf from last night text me and ask me how the evening went after she left. She said 'oh, he's interested I could tell from his body language'. It's so funny I really do feel like a teenager it's cracking me up. Thanks!!
Author curlygirl40 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Hey LS peeps. Thought I would update this thread, partly incase you were on the edge of your seat and partly because it's a good story. I can't resist telling a good story. Friday night was the night a handful of us were going to meet at a local pub to watch a band play. The place was packed. I walked in and found the group right away. This guy sees me and greets me with a big smile and a hug. We're jam packed in this bar standing room only so eventually go to another place close by where we could grab a table and some snacks. At this point it's just the 4 of us. L and her bf and me and this guy. We stay there until 12:30 ish and then L asks me if I could drive this guy home, they had picked him up on their way, it's more on my way home blah, blah, blah. No problem. We talk on the way to his place, eventually he says to me 'did you have a good time, are you glad you met me out?' so I say yes. He then says to me 'I have to give you a lot of credit for putting yourself out there'. We then start talking about dating and online dating and how hard it is to see a profile and know if you'll click with the person, etc. Not kidding he says to me 3 more times 'I give you a lot of credit for putting yourself out there and reaching out to me'. I really felt like he was letting me down easy. Saying how he gives me a lot of credit, he knows it must be tough to do that, but sorry.... That's how it felt to me. And remember, yes I reached out to him but he NEVER answered that FB message even though by the time stamp I can tell it had been read. We get to his place and we park in his driveway and keep talking. Just to set the stage here, neither one of us had been drinking. Neither one of us are drinkers. Eventually he kisses me. He gets very handsy with me and I keep directing his hands away from areas I don't want them on. He can tell I'm getting uncomfortable with his hands all over me and he makes a joke of it, then kisses me again. At this point he asks me to go inside but I am not going to put myself in that situation. He tries really hard to talk me into it saying things like 'How else are we going to know? (I'm assuming he's talking about chemistry here?) It's not like we haven't seen each other out several times, we know a lot of the same people, it's not like we met on Craigslist or anything...'. He's trying hard to get me to go inside. He even says at one point 'Don't be nervous, it's been a while for me too'. I wasn't nervous I was o.k with the kissing I just didn't want it to go ANY further. So I can tell he's not happy and even though he was trying hard, I never felt threatened. He kisses me one more time and then gets out of the car and says goodbye. Keep in mind, we have never been on a date. I have seen him across the room several times, we met a week or so ago in a group setting then went out again last Friday in a group setting. He has never asked for my number, has never asked me out on a date, has never contacted me at all, and didn't answer that FB message I sent him. I have no idea why the guy thought I would sleep with him or fool around with him at this point. Crazy to me. We're not in our 20's where that might be more common to hang out with friends and have a relationship grow from there. We're both in our 40's. Divorced with teenagers. Anyway, he's off my list!! To be honest I can't blame a guy for trying. If he did ask me out on a PROPER date I might go and just see where it goes. Set some firm boundaries and meet him someplace out not at either of our places. I can't help but wonder if he thought I would be a slam dunk because I was the one who reached out to him and then showed up twice where he was out with friends (the first time I was there with my own friends, not the same group he was with, the second time I was invited by him and L). He has a profile online and he says he's looking for a relationship and also L has told me he is looking for a relationship and frustrated that he hasn't met anyone. I'm baffled by his behavior. I guess he has no real interest in me but thought I would be a quick lay since I expressed interest. I liked the fact that we had some one on one time to talk in the car, I was o.k with the kissing. If he asked for my number at that point and said goodbye, that would have been the way to end the evening. To me anyway.... He's so nexted. Thanks for listening and always weighing in!!
charlietheginger Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Congratulations you just went from being a plain jane to A excitting women not afraid to venture outside the box. Most women play the"rules" Let him contact you first Barley return his calls Hot and cold always play hard to get Act buzy Never compliment a man Yada yada yada blah blah blah Same old games women play over and over booooring.... You mame just stepped up and became interesting And non boring. this guy is probably like myself a nice guy. The nicer He is to women less they want to deal with him. be nice friendly if you go out , dont be afraid to compliment Something about him , tatoo or goatie. Something to make him feel good about himself. When a nice guy meets a women that makes him feel good About himself and she is friendly it goes aloooong way.
Recommended Posts