travelonic Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 As the title says, what factors would you all say go into whether or not reconciliation is possible down the line after a breakup? What factors - on top of that - would you say influence whether or not a dumpee has to eventually handle [when that time comes] a dumper trying to re-enter his or her life, and the decisions on whether or not to accept it, or a dumpee deciding to try to re-enter the dumper's life? This is not asking if it is possible - but simply put, what factors go into whether such things do - or don't - eventualy happen. Nothing more, nothing less. 1
happykat Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I'd say that both parties would have to be able to let go of hurts/grudges, and still have respect and admiration for each other. 3
singme2sleep Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 You have to be wiling to start fresh, not continue where they left off. And no blame either, that just harms the reconciliation process. 2
Author travelonic Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Does the quality of the relationship [not abusive, no dishonesty or cheating going on - healthy arguments occasionally, but nothing that wasn't resolved versus one that was abusive, or where cheating was involved, or huge fights happened frequency] also influence the chances of reconciliation down the line.?
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Does the quality of the relationship [not abusive, no dishonesty or cheating going on - healthy arguments occasionally, but nothing that wasn't resolved versus one that was abusive, or where cheating was involved, or huge fights happened frequency] also influence the chances of reconciliation down the line.? One factor that tends to lead to successful reconciliations is whether the break-up was done in haste (first time only, other hasty break-ups can signify other issues). Sometimes in the heat of an issue couples overreact. Returning to the SO within 48-72 hours, another factor, can lean towards success. However, missing your SO and looking for reconciliation is not a factor in my opinion. It might be a factor for a person chasing their SO, but I don't view missing the SO as a factor in the actual reconciliation. Make sense?
Clep Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I believe each partner has to do some searching within and know who they are first of all. They also need to recognize that each person was doing the best they could with the knowledge they had at the time. No one wakes with the intention of hurting another. These realizations create an atmosphere of forgiveness. Lastly, they need to change the way of thinking in each of themselves that created the break up to begin with, learn better communication skills and true commitment to themselves as people and to the relationship. 8
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I believe each partner has to do some searching within and know who they are first of all. They also need to recognize that each person was doing the best they could with the knowledge they had at the time. No one wakes with the intention of hurting another. These realizations create an atmosphere of forgiveness. Lastly, they need to change the way of thinking in each of themselves that created the break up to begin with, learn better communication skills and true commitment to themselves as people and to the relationship. Well said.
RiceaRoni Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Is'nt a reconcilliation harder when they begin to date someone new right away after the BU?
Clep Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Is'nt a reconcilliation harder when they begin to date someone new right away after the BU? I didn't find that. My husband and I split three times in seven years, each time for a year and were both in other relationships right away. All it said was how screwed up we were as individuals, not how we felt about each other. If I thought I would have had the opportunity to be with my husband successfully, the other guy would have been history. We have been reconciled for three years now and married for just under one. Everyone is different, but I knew that if it was possible for me to have him as my first preference it just might be possible for him too. I was using other people to soothe me through my loss. Very dysfunctional way to deal with it and thank god I am not like that anymore. The fact that we have both grown so much as individuals is why we are happy today. 4
NapoleonNotSheep Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I think if you start fresh and forget about stuff your ex did to you then maybe you can get back together. But if you want to know answers why he did to you what he did and stuff then it won't work. Other way around dumper can choose to get back together or not. And this is more likely when dumper initiates reconciliation. 2
youngnlove89 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 As the title says, what factors would you all say go into whether or not reconciliation is possible down the line after a breakup? What factors - on top of that - would you say influence whether or not a dumpee has to eventually handle [when that time comes] a dumper trying to re-enter his or her life, and the decisions on whether or not to accept it, or a dumpee deciding to try to re-enter the dumper's life? This is not asking if it is possible - but simply put, what factors go into whether such things do - or don't - eventualy happen. Nothing more, nothing less. It's the same reason one who starts a strict diet to lose weight, eats healthy for awhile, accomplishes their goals, loses their weight and then goes back to the one enemy that made them have to start all over....lack of control. It's the desire, the need of a substance, feeling, person or thing. It's the addiction of what you think you need to be happy. Tending to go back to something from your past only because you lack something in the present. They miss the familiarity and the comfort of that person. It all boils down to not being able to find anything else in the moment, or maybe not even giving the chance to find something else. It's laziness, it's settling, it's not thinking too much about what you deserve. Just like the quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower: We accept the love we think we deserve. Letting go is a difficult tedious task. It's a day to day commitment that a lot of people can't succumb to. It's boot camp for the heart and it's tough. It's meant only for the strong, the one's who give a fighting chance.
carhill Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 OP, if I had to put a 'word' to it, it would be 'foundation'. If there was a strong foundation of compatible aspects and interests, a 'break' wouldn't necessarily be injurious to the synergy the couple can experience in the future. Further, if the impetus for the break wasn't traumatizing, like violence/abuse, abandonment, infidelity, etc, the more likely IMO the relationship can be resolved and rebuilt. I've only had a couple of experiences with reconciliation potentials and, IME, those failed primarily because of lack of a healthy foundation. I used to think that anything was possible but tended to learn from women, over time and with experience, that those women move on when things don't work out, at least from the 'we can work it out' perspective. For them, I faded back into the billions of the background and there was really nothing more to be said or done. YMMV. Good luck. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Depends how much you imprinted yourself on the other person and what kind of break it was. Was it a break that was a break "out of the blue" for the dumper (because usually, the dumpee is always surprised)? Or was it something that was set in motion in the dumper's mind over the course of time? If it was the first, then maybe they'd reconsider if they really enjoyed the other times with you enough and look upon them fondly. If it was the second, where a bunch of things accumulated over time, then it might be tougher for the dumper to want to go back. The amount of time spent with your ex before the breakup could both hurt you and help you.
Author travelonic Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Depends how much you imprinted yourself on the other person and what kind of break it was. Was it a break that was a break "out of the blue" for the dumper (because usually, the dumpee is always surprised)? Or was it something that was set in motion in the dumper's mind over the course of time?. I honestly think it was a bit more in the middle, somewhere in between - as in, a lot of stuff built up REALLY REALLY fast over a short time before what appears to be a classic GIGS breakup 13 months after we started our relationship.
Author travelonic Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 When it comes to the factors that help determine the success or lack thereof of reconciliation, and the likelihood of that chance happening, I can't help but wonder if something I would call "the first love factor" would play any role - that is, a first relationship for both parties involved before things went sour. Would that play any role? What if the dumper was unfaithful and then dumped the dumpee to pursue the affair? [God, I love analyzing this stuff] .
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