On a break with no specific end date

[Foxy Brown]

Hi, everyone. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place, as it falls into several categories. My ex and I (we are both female, if that matters) were in a 2 year LDR. We broke up several months ago, but have maintained contact daily. We've been trying to work on strengthening our friendship. She's said that it's like we're still together but just not labeling anything. She also knows that I love her deeply and still want to be with her.

 

About a week ago, she said she wanted to take a break. First she said it was because she was sick of emailing (email was our sole method of communication), but not of me. Then she said she wants to work on herself, on things that have nothing to do with me. Finally she said we should take a break until I graduate from college in 2 months, but then left it up to me to decide when I felt that I could talk to her again. I never said that I couldn't talk to her; she was the one requesting this break. She makes no sense and often contradicts herself in the same email. I truly believe this isn't about me, but I am devastated nonetheless. She told me she hopes we can try again, if I decide to communicate with her.

 

Ironically, she was the one who made email our only form of communication. Whenever we would Skype and IM, she was unable to control herself sexually. I told her that sexual behavior was inappropriate if we were just friends, and apparently it was too difficult for her to control herself so she stopped IMing and using Skype. I completely understand about getting bored with emailing; sometimes there's just nothing to say, and we have communicated with each other daily (whether in person or via email, IM, etc.) for 2 years. Maybe we've overdone it and have run out of things to say?

 

I haven't contacted her for a week. I miss her terribly and am depressed, unable to concentrate on school or my job. My question is, when, if ever, should I initiate contact? Her birthday's coming up next month. Should I send her something or drop her a line? I very much would like to try again, but she's always been up in the air about what she wants. She said she would tell me if her feelings ever changed, and she hasn't indicated anything. I love her, and at the very least I'd like to maintain a friendship. I also realize that it shouldn't be up to me to initiate contact, especially since she was the one who needed a break. I'm unsure of what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I know I shouldn't be the only one doing whatever it takes, as has been the case in the weeks leading up to the break.

 

I don't know if she's stringing me along, if this is a case of GIGS (she's approaching her mid 20's), or if she truly is taking time to work on herself. I'd like to believe the latter is true, as she occasionally suffers from bouts of depression and is currently experiencing difficulties at home. I am confused because she's given so many reasons for wanting a break, and I don't know what's true. The reason I'm coming here to ask this is because I know I'm not thinking clearly and I could use objective opinions. Anything would be appreciated, as I have no idea how to proceed. Thanks for your time and have a great day!

[flitzanu]

Hi, everyone. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place, as it falls into several categories. My ex and I (we are both female, if that matters) were in a 2 year LDR. We broke up several months ago, but have maintained contact daily. We've been trying to work on strengthening our friendship. She's said that it's like we're still together but just not labeling anything. She also knows that I love her deeply and still want to be with her.

 

About a week ago, she said she wanted to take a break. First she said it was because she was sick of emailing (email was our sole method of communication), but not of me. Then she said she wants to work on herself, on things that have nothing to do with me. Finally she said we should take a break until I graduate from college in 2 months, but then left it up to me to decide when I felt that I could talk to her again. I never said that I couldn't talk to her; she was the one requesting this break. She makes no sense and often contradicts herself in the same email. I truly believe this isn't about me, but I am devastated nonetheless. She told me she hopes we can try again, if I decide to communicate with her.

 

Ironically, she was the one who made email our only form of communication. Whenever we would Skype and IM, she was unable to control herself sexually. I told her that sexual behavior was inappropriate if we were just friends, and apparently it was too difficult for her to control herself so she stopped IMing and using Skype. I completely understand about getting bored with emailing; sometimes there's just nothing to say, and we have communicated with each other daily (whether in person or via email, IM, etc.) for 2 years. Maybe we've overdone it and have run out of things to say?

 

I haven't contacted her for a week. I miss her terribly and am depressed, unable to concentrate on school or my job. My question is, when, if ever, should I initiate contact? Her birthday's coming up next month. Should I send her something or drop her a line? I very much would like to try again, but she's always been up in the air about what she wants. She said she would tell me if her feelings ever changed, and she hasn't indicated anything. I love her, and at the very least I'd like to maintain a friendship. I also realize that it shouldn't be up to me to initiate contact, especially since she was the one who needed a break. I'm unsure of what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I know I shouldn't be the only one doing whatever it takes, as has been the case in the weeks leading up to the break.

 

I don't know if she's stringing me along, if this is a case of GIGS (she's approaching her mid 20's), or if she truly is taking time to work on herself. I'd like to believe the latter is true, as she occasionally suffers from bouts of depression and is currently experiencing difficulties at home. I am confused because she's given so many reasons for wanting a break, and I don't know what's true. The reason I'm coming here to ask this is because I know I'm not thinking clearly and I could use objective opinions. Anything would be appreciated, as I have no idea how to proceed. Thanks for your time and have a great day!

 

well...most often when anyone wants a "break" it's because they want to pursue other options. also, a "break" is still a "break up" because it means you're not together and both of you are free to pursue anything else during that time.

[ToyStoryThree]

Hi - could you tell me who broke up with who, and why?

[Foxy Brown]

Thank you both for responding.

 

flitzanu - Yes, I figured it was about pursuing other options. I wish I knew if she was just stringing me along while she searches for something better, or if she were truly working on herself, as she claims. Thanks for your response.

 

ToyStoryThree - She broke up with me. While she gave me a few reasons (she was depressed when she wanted to break up, the distance was too much, we needed a solid friendship as well as relationship), I believed it was so that we could strengthen our friendship. We instantly connected when we met, and dove into a relationship without becoming friends first. She and I both agreed that we needed to have a solid friendship, because your partner should be your friend as well as lover.

[ToyStoryThree]

OK I think I have a better grasp on your situation now...

 

Well, it has only been a week - and I understand that after 2 years (?) of talking every day, this must be horrendous for you. Do you have access to her Facebook, anything like that? To gauge how she is feeling? Forgive me if you mentioned that in your post already...!!

 

I, personally, see no harm in dropping her a message. If you are fine with talking to her and it won't confuse you or hurt you then why shouldn't you? She knows you, and probably won't feel offended if you did.... would there be a chance that you could even tell her you miss her, how would she react, do you think?

 

But of course I'm sure you do know that you shouldn't ask her what's going on, if she's made her mind up, etc.

[Foxy Brown]

Thanks for the advice, TST. You're right; it's only been a week (though it feels like longer). She deleted her Facebook account a year ago, and I'm glad I can't find out what she's up to. I'm trying not to obsess over her, and I think it would be unhealthy to constantly check up on her.

 

While I want nothing more than to contact her, I don't think I'm emotionally ready to do that just yet. I plan to wait longer. Thank you for your encouragement. I do think she'd be ok with me contacting her, but she asked for a break and I want to respect that. Plus I feel things have been one-sided lately, with me making all the effort while she withheld things from me and closed herself off.

 

Thanks for responding. You've given me some hope that things aren't as dismal as I think they are.

[ToyStoryThree]

Thanks for the advice, TST. You're right; it's only been a week (though it feels like longer). She deleted her Facebook account a year ago, and I'm glad I can't find out what she's up to. I'm trying not to obsess over her, and I think it would be unhealthy to constantly check up on her.

 

While I want nothing more than to contact her, I don't think I'm emotionally ready to do that just yet. I plan to wait longer. Thank you for your encouragement. I do think she'd be ok with me contacting her, but she asked for a break and I want to respect that. Plus I feel things have been one-sided lately, with me making all the effort while she withheld things from me and closed herself off.

 

Thanks for responding. You've given me some hope that things aren't as dismal as I think they are.

 

 

Oh - if it's been one-sided then I can see how you'd feel sort of frustrated at that, yes. Well at least you admit that you are not emotionally ready just yet, of course these things are always, always difficult.

 

Of course yeah it'd be totally unhealthy to obsess and check up on her. Things will fall into place, this isn't the end at all. Just 'do you' for a while, I'm sure at some point she'll get in contact and you can go from there. For now, just look after yourself and try not to worry - I hate that saying as it's much easier said than done, but yeah...!!