Down today

[McGriff]

I'm 3.5 weeks from d-day (haha) and I'm feeling down this morning because I remember a month ago us making plans and looking forward to St Patty's Day celebrations. Obviously, that ain't gonna happen. I am in no contact, (1 week) but she has reached out to me with crumbs a couple times. Man, I am missing her like crazy today. I messed up and looked at some of her pics, and omg that wasn't good. Sucky, sucky day.

[Damaged23]

I'm 3.5 weeks from d-day (haha) and I'm feeling down this morning because I remember a month ago us making plans and looking forward to St Patty's Day celebrations. Obviously, that ain't gonna happen. I am in no contact, (1 week) but she has reached out to me with crumbs a couple times. Man, I am missing her like crazy today. I messed up and looked at some of her pics, and omg that wasn't good. Sucky, sucky day.

 

I'm so sorry you are in pain right now. I know what you are feeling as I am going through the same emotions as you. Our breakup was nasty and well, we haven't had contact since that day. 5 days, and I feel I die a little everyday.

 

I hope you feel better.

[tf510]

Hi - I've been NC for about 6 weeks. I was dumped by my girlfriend of 6 years and at the end she treated me horribly. But I'm here to say it gets better.

 

I was on here all the time at the start. Most people recommended NC (so too did my friends) so I went NC but secretly hoped that this would drive her back to me.

 

It sort of did. She reinitiated contact, but they were just breadcrumbs. I maintained NC.

 

It was a killer. There were days I just wanted to phone or email her.

 

But each day got a little easier.

 

It wasn't smooth though. Some days were good, other were bad. It was like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. The trajectory was clear though.

 

Here I am now and I'm doing rather well. I still have bad days, but I'm okay. The pain is manageable. You'll get here too.

 

This is how I did it:

 

1. All that advice about keeping yourself busy is good. It's hard to summon the energy to do things, but try.

2. Your friends - talk to them about how you feel, let it all out. But do normal friends stuff with them too.

3. Get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. Throwing your ex's stuff out is a bitter-sweet experience, but mainly a sweet one.

4. I started doing something that my ex HATED me doing (and actually forbade me from doing!). That felt good.

5. I kept a diary. I found it therapeutic.

6. Compartmentalise your life. Recognise that your break-up is something that is making you miserable, but recognise the good stuff going on elsewhere.

7. Don't idealise your relationship. Remember the bad stuff! If another man/woman was involved console yourself that he/she will have to deal with your ex's problems now - you're relieved of that responsibility.

8. Remember to eat.

9. Remember life before your ex. Yes, that's right - you had one. And it probably wasn't too bad. You don't NEED your ex to be happy. You were happy once before, you'll be happy again.

10. All those plans you might have made together? they're dust. But that's okay. Make new ones. Ones designed around you. You can do anything you want now. Go on - make some.

11. Read the No Contact Guide on here. Read it as often as you need to.

12. Take comfort in the fact that you're not the only one going through this.

13. Understand NC as a way for you to move on, not to get your ex back.

14. Understand also what message NC sends. You've been dumped. But by going NC you regain the initiative and you walk out the door with your head held high. It's like saying loud and clear: "Okay, it's your loss. I don't need you". Trust me, they hear it.

15. Try not to hate your ex too much. They can be cruel but they were probably acting in a way that made sense to them at the time. Even if they were completely vicious in the way they treated you don't waste energy seeking revenge. Realise that the best revenge, by far, is to lead a good, successful and happy life.

 

These realisations and actions helped me get where I am today. I haven't been on here for weeks but I thought I'd drop by and pass on what I've learned.

 

You WILL be fine.

[McGriff]

Tf510,

 

Thanks so much for your words! That's cut and paste, printout stuff right there...I've had such a bad day, so sick of dealing with this, but it just won't go away

[Compromize]

I messed up and looked at some of her pics, and omg that wasn't good.

 

Man I did the same thing today by accident. Thought I had put them away so I wouldn't stumble across them but found a file that I had put some older ones in. Ouch. And some of them were of the "only meant for me" variety. Double ouch.

 

Do what I did bro, if they are on your phone, delete them. Save them somewhere else if you want to keep them. Put the electronic ones in a .zip file or something so you can't see them directly. Put the physical ones in a box and hid it away. Just get it out of your direct reach.

 

but she has reached out to me with crumbs a couple times

 

I also got some breadcrumbs today. It's like every 6 days or so, breadcrumbs.

 

I've had such a bad day, so sick of dealing with this, but it just won't go away

 

We all go through this. Some days are good, others feel like sh*t. I am also sick of dealing with it, but we need to deal with it, feel it, get through it, for it to really go away. I have no idea how long it takes as I am going through it just like you. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking.

 

Tf510 has been walking the road a lot longer and it's good to have someone who has made it out the other side come back to give some encouragement.

I hope in another 6 months we will be so happy with the way things have turned out with our lives we will visit in here just to spread some hope. Not the hope of getting back with our exes, the hope of moving forward, moving on.