lingardx Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I know you can't read his mind, but I would like honest answers from your point of view. We've been together, 20 months tomorrow. In august last year, I texted him pretending to be a friend, he found the phone I was using three weeks later. When he confronted me a few days after that, I bent the truth ( I was scared of being found out ) but then I admitted the truth and told him it was me texting him. We broke up but he decided to try again, last month he broke up with me due to not being able to trust me. He's said he would like to try again but has warned me we could end up breaking up again ( I know you're wondering why we'd bother to try again but we really do love each other ) My question is, can he ever regain his trust in me? Or is it something I will never get back again? I had trust issues when I got into a relationship with this guy but now I trust him, so I know trust can be earned. I may sound immature but I really love this guy, I would walk to the ends of the earth for him. And is there anyway I can help him trust me a bit more? I am being honest with any questions he asks me, If he wanted to he can look through my phone. It was the mistake of a life time that I regret, and I will never ever make it again
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 As you learned more about him, you came to realize he was trustworthy. Unfortunately, the reverse wasn't true. As he got to know you better, he discovered that you couldn't be trusted. Relationships are pointless without trust. This thing is dead in the water. Move on, hopefully having learned a lesson from this experience. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 What exactly is the nature of the trust issue here? You said he does not trust you, how is it that he's not trusting you? DOes he think you are sneaking around with other guys? Or something else?
phineas Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 What exactly is the nature of the trust issue here? You said he does not trust you, how is it that he's not trusting you? DOes he think you are sneaking around with other guys? Or something else? Does she have to spell it out? She texted him with a different phone pretending to be a friend. She most likely did this to see if she could catch him doing something he actually wasn't. In short, she's cray cray. 3
Author lingardx Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 What exactly is the nature of the trust issue here? You said he does not trust you, how is it that he's not trusting you? DOes he think you are sneaking around with other guys? Or something else? no because i lied to him about pretending to be one of my friends. i was texting him pretending to be a friend he thinks that i will do it again the above person is correct, i was doing it to test him
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I realize this is kind of beside the point, but what did your text say?
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) OP-- I just went back and read some of your previous posts. Apparently you found your boyfriend had a profile on some site where he claimed to be single and looking for women, was active on the site, receiving emails from the site (how you were tipped off originally), and when you confronted him, claimed it was all spam and he was innocent. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/343185-would-you-worried-if-your-partner-had-profile-badoo These are relevant pieces of the puzzle. You need to mention them. Look. What you did was wrong, but this guy was no angel either! You need to start recognizing when you have a douchebag on your hands and just move on. Trust me on that. Sure you have feelings for him. But a guy who is probably cheating is not worth your time and will give you nothing but grief and heartache if you try to stick it out and try to keep him faithful. Learn to walk away rather than engaging in silly games to keep tabs on him. You are 19 or 20? You will fall in love again, and wonder what you ever saw in this guy. There are truly good, trustworthy guys out there who won't cheat on you. Your BF wasn't one of them. Unfortunately though, you'll never meet someone wonderful as long as you are obsessed with Mr. Douche. Consider the breakup a gift and a fresh start in your search for happiness. Edited March 18, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 Added link 2
Author lingardx Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 OP-- I just went back and read some of your previous posts. Apparently you found your boyfriend had a profile on some site where he claimed to be single and looking for women, was active on the site, receiving emails from the site (how you were tipped off originally), and when you confronted him, claimed it was all spam and he was innocent. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/343185-would-you-worried-if-your-partner-had-profile-badoo These are relevant pieces of the puzzle. You need to mention them. Look. What you did was wrong, but this guy was no angel either! You need to start recognizing when you have a douchebag on your hands and just move on. Trust me on that. Sure you have feelings for him. But a guy who is probably cheating is not worth your time and will give you nothing but grief and heartache if you try to stick it out and try to keep him faithful. Learn to walk away rather than engaging in silly games to keep tabs on him. You are 19 or 20? You will fall in love again, and wonder what you ever saw in this guy. There are truly good, trustworthy guys out there who won't cheat on you. Your BF wasn't one of them. Unfortunately though, you'll never meet someone wonderful as long as you are obsessed with Mr. Douche. Consider the breakup a gift and a fresh start in your search for happiness. he wasn't cheating on me, that was posted before i had even spoken to him about it
Author lingardx Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 I realize this is kind of beside the point, but what did your text say? it was friendly "how you doing" "hows your girlfriend" "hows your boyfriend" the general type of conversation you'd have with a friend
HitMeNow Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Sad. IMO it can be fixed... Why did he break up with you again the second time? What I would do: - Tell him THAT YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES in general. - Tell him that you're working on them. - Tell him that if he wants he can stay and help you get over this trust issues. If he doesn't want to help you, you understand. - Tell him you'll be 100% sincere at this point, for every single thing in your life at least for a while. - Actually be 100% sincere with him. GL PS: Check my thread below about my current trust issues
phineas Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 OP-- I just went back and read some of your previous posts. Apparently you found your boyfriend had a profile on some site where he claimed to be single and looking for women, was active on the site, receiving emails from the site (how you were tipped off originally), and when you confronted him, claimed it was all spam and he was innocent. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/343185-would-you-worried-if-your-partner-had-profile-badoo These are relevant pieces of the puzzle. You need to mention them. Look. What you did was wrong, but this guy was no angel either! You need to start recognizing when you have a douchebag on your hands and just move on. Trust me on that. Sure you have feelings for him. But a guy who is probably cheating is not worth your time and will give you nothing but grief and heartache if you try to stick it out and try to keep him faithful. Learn to walk away rather than engaging in silly games to keep tabs on him. You are 19 or 20? You will fall in love again, and wonder what you ever saw in this guy. There are truly good, trustworthy guys out there who won't cheat on you. Your BF wasn't one of them. Unfortunately though, you'll never meet someone wonderful as long as you are obsessed with Mr. Douche. Consider the breakup a gift and a fresh start in your search for happiness. Ok, now this whole thing just went up a level on the f'd up meter. Seriously OP, just walk away or this will not end well for you. He was seriously disrespectful to you, not to mention being a total d-bag being on a dating site. Why would you even want him?
Author lingardx Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Ok, now this whole thing just went up a level on the f'd up meter. Seriously OP, just walk away or this will not end well for you. He was seriously disrespectful to you, not to mention being a total d-bag being on a dating site. Why would you even want him? badoo isn't a dating site. but none of that matters, he signed up to the site before he had met me, and was getting emails from the site, it said he was active on the site but he didn't have any friends on it and i don't think he even knew how to use it. as soon as i confronted him, he said he hadn't been on it and that he had signed up before he met me and i watched him delete his profile.
Author lingardx Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Sad. IMO it can be fixed... Why did he break up with you again the second time? What I would do: - Tell him THAT YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES in general. - Tell him that you're working on them. - Tell him that if he wants he can stay and help you get over this trust issues. If he doesn't want to help you, you understand. - Tell him you'll be 100% sincere at this point, for every single thing in your life at least for a while. - Actually be 100% sincere with him. GL PS: Check my thread below about my current trust issues thank you for a reply. he broke up with me because he needed space, he is the type of guy who keeps everything to himself and then explodes one day, he just couldn't get his head around what had happened before. i am going to be honest and open about everything, i have genuinely made a mistake and i really do want to put it right, i may never be able to though. do you think those are the only things i can do atm to regain even an ounce of his trust? because we were together for five months when we got back together, and i thought things were ok
HitMeNow Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 thank you for a reply. he broke up with me because he needed space, he is the type of guy who keeps everything to himself and then explodes one day, he just couldn't get his head around what had happened before. i am going to be honest and open about everything, i have genuinely made a mistake and i really do want to put it right, i may never be able to though. do you think those are the only things i can do atm to regain even an ounce of his trust? because we were together for five months when we got back together, and i thought things were ok Him being that way is not a good thing. Communication is a big thing in relationships. And yes, be very open and say exactly what you said here. (including his communication) Most people are really afraid about facing problems when something is at stake, instead they beat around the bush. You need to be confident, calm, collected and gentle. AND LISTEN MORE THAN YOU TALK!. What does he want, what are his needs. All said and done you should be willing to let him walk away if it doesn't go well... This is not about you getting what you want. This is about the both of you growing together. And even if he walks away, you will have grown a great amount EDIT: And now that you've grown, check my thread below . I have a hard time myself thinking about problems when something is at stake.
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