thtguy24 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 you've got to be really careful with this case man and know what you want. I once had the same exact situation. It started out casual but unofficially exclusive and we had the same conversation and she said she wasnt ready for the title of bf/gf so i waited and we continued for months but nothing changed on her end. I had convinced myself that surely I could change her mind but it never happened. and it messed me up pretty bad in the end. so you just gotta know going forward if youre ok with things as they are because it is entirely possible that it wont change 1
Author jcm101 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 you've got to be really careful with this case man and know what you want. I once had the same exact situation. It started out casual but unofficially exclusive and we had the same conversation and she said she wasnt ready for the title of bf/gf so i waited and we continued for months but nothing changed on her end. I had convinced myself that surely I could change her mind but it never happened. and it messed me up pretty bad in the end. so you just gotta know going forward if youre ok with things as they are because it is entirely possible that it wont change Well, after this sequence of events, I don't think i'll be seeing/talking to her at all anymore, so no worrying about my feelings for her.
grkBoy Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think she's just scared to get close to someone. She probably had a string of bad RLs, and thus her mentality will think that commitment will ultimately lead to the end of you two. I had a girl once who friendzoned me say that she did find me attractive, but felt that all the men she ever gets romantically involved with usually end up gone. So she felt that if we became "more", that something would go wrong and thus she would lose me 100%. Yeah, I'm sure it's mostly BS...but she's not the first who told me that she was scared to get close to a guy (had gal pals confide me in about men they had chasing them) because they felt like relationships usually end up in heartbreak. My point to all that is it shows she's commit-phobic, and it's on you now if you want to stick around or not. I'd say it's been two months, and you're having all the fun of a boyfriend without commitment. Maybe you should give it 2-3 more months (if she's not pursuing anyone else) and see if she comes around. I've seen many women like her and the women I've mentioned in my past who seemingly need 3-6 months of "seeing the guy" before they'll fathom exclusivity. If not, then tell her you need more and chop things down to "just friends"...then go pursue other women. Who knows? She might get over her baggage and give you a shot if she sees she'll lose you.
Author jcm101 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) I know I shouldn't have but I did text her just saying "Who's Sarah?" She responded with "Idk..lol why?" I just replied "Okay". Then just 30 mins ago the fake profile sends me a..."Is there a reason why you deleted me?" Then again 45 mins later saying...."It's been 45 mins...why are you ignoring me? Are you asking guy friends what to say again?" what is going on lol? Is this liek a viral hacker or something? It knew our situation, though, but the catch is, on our convo Sat...I said to the fake..."I really like her too" and she said..."Really like who?" and never mentioned the girl's name. The fake was friends with the girl, but now isn't. All this drama is not for me, but if it truly is just a fake, I think I want to just be FWB and maybe she'll come around. If not, it's whatever, i'll be pursuing other girls. edit: And now I just got a FB friend request from a dude from the same town, graduating class HS as this fake was.Am I getting hacked or something? Im creeped out now and no way this is the girl. Edited March 18, 2013 by jcm101
amazingdrummer Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 when a girl says she isn't ready for a relationship, simply, for her, you are not a catch
Author jcm101 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 These past 12 hrs I pretty much stopped caring and know she just doesn't want a relationship w/ me and i've accepted it. I wanted a FWB up until this whole FB fiasco and didn't want to associate w/ someone like this, but now that I know most likely it's a fake and not her messing w/ me, I would still like to be FWB, but won't initiate anything to her.
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 This whole FB fiasco is still creeping me out. Could still be her messing w/ me.. Don't you guys think if she was still into me...me texting her who some random chick was would have sprung her interest and curiosity causing her to reply back quick? I just said Okay to her text and it's been over 2hrs and nothing.
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Im telling you man, it isnt worth it. This will never make sense to you and thats because its niot rational and doesnt make sense. Its a game and its played with your feelings. The best thing you can do is just cut all contact with her. You will spend too much time thinking about it and wondering what ytou did wrong or could have done different. Its just not worth it. Save yourself. I guess you're right.. What if she comes crawling back and somehow changes her mind?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I guess you're right.. What if she comes crawling back and somehow changes her mind? She wont change her mind. Def not crawling back. She isnt that into you for specific reasons, that she will never tell you, to keep you on the hook. The fake profile is her. The timestamps between Sarah and you asking her about the fake profile is too much of a coincidence. She is an immature child and tried to get info from you without actually having a discussion with you, and you fell for it. When you asked her about it and she said "I dont know" she knew she could continue to get away with it. Heres the bottom line, if you had muscles, or were cuter, or had a nicer car, or whatever, she would want a relationship with you right away. She wont change her mind based on who you are right now. She probably really is after someone else, but is too afraid to make any moves on that guy, so shes keeping you as a sexual backup and easy validation. She will keep throwing breadcrumbs to get you to bite, but she will never make it obvious that she needs you for any reason, she'll just go play with someone new. So realize that when you cut her off, she wont miss you. Anything she told you is probably lies. She wasnt weirded out by you asking her to be exclusive, she just knew she wasnt giving you any exclusivity clues, and you didnt understand that, and now she has to deal with someone having feelings for her. Then she uses the fake profile to try to convince you to give her another chance, because she has no idea how to tell you that she doesnt like you like that without you rejecting her. She doesnt want to give up her hold on you. Just completely ignore her. If youre going to talk to her, make her feel bad for lying to you, but prepare to send her running. Your best bet is to torpedo this, and call her out on her immaturity.
Lani Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 As others have said, if she's really interested then she would have time for a relationship. Thats the long and short of it really. If you only want a relationship, and not an FWB situation with her, then hang around. Otherwise, just back off. And if she comes back, then tell her that you wanted a relationship and you're not interested in any less.
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 She wont change her mind. Def not crawling back. She isnt that into you for specific reasons, that she will never tell you, to keep you on the hook. The fake profile is her. The timestamps between Sarah and you asking her about the fake profile is too much of a coincidence. She is an immature child and tried to get info from you without actually having a discussion with you, and you fell for it. When you asked her about it and she said "I dont know" she knew she could continue to get away with it. Heres the bottom line, if you had muscles, or were cuter, or had a nicer car, or whatever, she would want a relationship with you right away. She wont change her mind based on who you are right now. She probably really is after someone else, but is too afraid to make any moves on that guy, so shes keeping you as a sexual backup and easy validation. She will keep throwing breadcrumbs to get you to bite, but she will never make it obvious that she needs you for any reason, she'll just go play with someone new. So realize that when you cut her off, she wont miss you. Anything she told you is probably lies. She wasnt weirded out by you asking her to be exclusive, she just knew she wasnt giving you any exclusivity clues, and you didnt understand that, and now she has to deal with someone having feelings for her. Then she uses the fake profile to try to convince you to give her another chance, because she has no idea how to tell you that she doesnt like you like that without you rejecting her. She doesnt want to give up her hold on you. Just completely ignore her. If youre going to talk to her, make her feel bad for lying to you, but prepare to send her running. Your best bet is to torpedo this, and call her out on her immaturity. What's weird is that 10 mins after I blocked that fake, another fake requests me but a man one and from SAME town and HS info. Very strange and creepy. How can I "torpedo" this if she initiates contact with me?
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 As others have said, if she's really interested then she would have time for a relationship. Thats the long and short of it really. If you only want a relationship, and not an FWB situation with her, then hang around. Otherwise, just back off. And if she comes back, then tell her that you wanted a relationship and you're not interested in any less. The sex was good so Ican try a FWB, but liek others have said, it's not a good idea. I do know that if I did, I wouldn't pay a damn dime on her or anything.
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Your doing exactly what I said you would. You are already trying to find a way to be with her. Saying well I can do the FWB thing. The truth is you cant. Your judgement is already clouded. You are in for a lot of hurt if you dont cut her off completely. Yeah, I know. Im getting played and it may seem I don't know her very well and she's playing games with me. There's just no way that profile somehow knew our situation of me asking her to be exclusive without it being her. And it's weird that when I responded to her with an "Okay" over 4hrs ago...I haven't heard back. If it wasn't her and she actually liked me, me asking her about a girl's name would have raised her eyebrows. She asked "why" and I didn't even say why. Am I wrong?
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Then just delete, block, and ignore. She no longer exists for you. See, and this is why she will have such a field day messing with your head and twisting you into knots as she and her fake friends yank you around like a toy. Learn when someone is not worth it and just move on. If not, she and her "friends" will make a complete mockery of you while you stubbornly persist in search of the truth. The only loser in all of this will be you. Truth: She doesn't want a relationship with you. ...NEXT! What else matters?!? I know I shouldn't have but I did text her just saying "Who's Sarah?" She responded with "Idk..lol why?" I just replied "Okay". .... Tng? It knew our situation, though, but the catch is, on our convo Sat...I said to the fake..."I really like her too" and she said..."Really like who?" and never mentioned the girl's name. The fake was friends with the girl, but now isn't. All this drama is not for me, but if it truly is just a fake, I think I want to just be FWB and maybe she'll come around. This whole FB fiasco is still creeping me out. Could still be her messing w/ me.. Don't you guys think if she was still into me...me texting her who some random chick was would have sprung her interest and curiosity causing her to reply back quick? I just said Okay to her text and it's been over 2hrs and nothing. :laugh: Sorry, but less than 24 hours and she's already mopping the floor with you! So predictable! The real mind games haven't even begun yet! Let's get this mind-f*ck party started right since you won't disengage. Dude, she told you she doesn't want a relationship. She's not into you She just enjoys the attention and the ability to screw with your mind. Don't mess with crazy! You'll leave hurt and damaged. You can learn that the easy way or the hard way. Your life. Your choice.
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 :laugh: Sorry, but less than 24 hours and she's already mopping the floor with you! So predictable! The real mind games haven't even begun yet! Let's get this mind-f*ck party started right since you won't disengage. Dude, she told you she doesn't want a relationship. She's not into you She just enjoys the attention and the ability to screw with your mind. Don't mess with crazy! You'll leave hurt and damaged. You can learn that the easy way or the hard way. Your life. Your choice. Im done with her!! I promise lol...no more contact. Yes im upset right now still over her changing her mind, but it's over. Plenty of girl out there who will value me more. I don't need these games. It was a nice 2 month of games she played with me leading me on (although her friend told mine she really likes me). It's whatever, i'll meet someone new, im young.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Im done with her!! I promise lol...no more contact. Yes im upset right now still over her changing her mind, but it's over. Plenty of girl out there who will value me more. I don't need these games. It was a nice 2 month of games she played with me leading me on (although her friend told mine she really likes me). It's whatever, i'll meet someone new, im young. She never changed her mind dude, she had her agenda all along, you perceived that she changed her mind, and she depends on your naive perceptions. Oh and her friend lied to you to keep you on the hook. She prolly thought you were losing interest and planted that bait.
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 She never changed her mind dude, she had her agenda all along, you perceived that she changed her mind, and she depends on your naive perceptions. Oh and her friend lied to you to keep you on the hook. She prolly thought you were losing interest and planted that bait. Well she told my best friend, not me, but yeah. Also forgot to say...Friday night we had plans for dinner then back to her place for a movie.. She texted me an HOUR AND A HALF before I was picking up to tell me she just found out her friend who she hasn't seen awhile is coming over her best friend's place and she'll be sleeping over and we can reschedule the movie for another time and will need to go over there after dinner after. This had me pissed off since we had plans since that Tues. and really, just found out an hour ago your friend was coming over from another school since she's on break, righhhhttttt. Obviously I ended up going over there after dinner when she told me to come over and then she proceeded to basically kick me out at midnight. Not even an invite to come and meet her friend. I got played. Should have ended it right after that text.
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 So I learn from my mistakes, did I do anything wrong asking her to be exclusive? Should I never say this again and wait for the girl to say it? How can I know for the future on signs of if im get led on by a girl? First date she asked me to come out with her next week to friends bday party...after that, she never invited me out again with her and her friends..I guess that's one sign.
SJC2008 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) So I learn from my mistakes, did I do anything wrong asking her to be exclusive? Should I never say this again and wait for the girl to say it? How can I know for the future on signs of if im get led on by a girl? First date she asked me to come out with her next week to friends bday party...after that, she never invited me out again with her and her friends..I guess that's one sign. Many men will tell you to never bring up being exclusive until they do. If you ask a woman to be eclusive within a "normal" time frame of about 2-3 months and she says no here are the most common reasons in no particular order: 1) She's just not that into you 2) Doesn't know what she wants; Rebound 3) Has daddy issues and is driven subconsciously to prove herself to men so men who validate her put the fire out and she's on to win over another man. Edit: An emotionally healthy woman who is looking for an R AND is into you will not be scared away by the man asking to be exclusive first. Edited March 19, 2013 by SJC2008 add
Author jcm101 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) Many men will tell you to never bring up being exclusive until they do. If you ask a woman to be eclusive within a "normal" time frame of about 2-3 months and she says no here are the most common reasons in no particular order: 1) She's just not that into you 2) Doesn't know what she wants; Rebound 3) Has daddy issues and is driven subconsciously to prove herself to men so men who validate her put the fire out and she's on to win over another man. Edit: An emotionally healthy woman who is looking for an R AND is into you will not be scared away by the man asking to be exclusive first. Thanks. What about being led on? I guess in my case, the fact she never would initiate asking me to hang w/ her friends is one and the texts about having to go to friends house after dinner.. Edited March 19, 2013 by jcm101
Eddie Edirol Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) So I learn from my mistakes, did I do anything wrong asking her to be exclusive? Should I never say this again and wait for the girl to say it? How can I know for the future on signs of if im get led on by a girl? First date she asked me to come out with her next week to friends bday party...after that, she never invited me out again with her and her friends..I guess that's one sign. That had nothing to do with it. You have to learn to see the signs of a woman on the rebound (or truly into you) from the beginning. You never believe their words, just their actions. Or at least make sure the actions match their words. Also you NEVER listen to their friends, some women manipulate you by using their friends. She could tell you she really likes you, then keeps postponing half your dates. Unless you have seen a woman many times before starting to date, i dont know anyone that has a first date introduced to their dates friends. A first date is usually more private. IMO, you always have to approach dating like your date is always using you as a rebound. When you do it that way, you can tell right away if weird actions make sense or if they are truly ready to date and are into you. Edited March 22, 2013 by Eddie Edirol
Author jcm101 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Well, a lot happened this past week. Turns out all the FB trolling was someone who decided to ruin me. This person found my FB and found posts of mine on another site making posts about this girl and how I was depressed over her being non-committal. I posted about her often, but never mentioned names or posted pics. The troll ended up messaging the girl screenshotting all my posts, one being me letting my emotions out and calling her a bitch and if she's non-committal i'll just go out and pursue other girls. She obviously texted me fuming and told me to delete her and number and we're never hanging out again and how creeped out she was. She blocked/deleted me off FB. This is so embarrassing and I can't believe how this ended. I wish I didn't explain myself in text and would have rather in person. It sucks how this ended, but I guess I just have to move on. Im over her, but this is truly embarassing and can't get it off my head as many people will find out.
apple OR orange Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Girl doesn't want relationship right now = use her for sex or move on (thats what shes going to do)
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