blue_jay_bird Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Im going crazy I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I feel like I have to talk to my ex about them. Ask him. How he could leave so easily. Without communicating and working on problems. I don't understand what happened. How after seven years you could just walk away out of the blue. I need more then "I'm just not 100% percent sure I want to marry you?" I know Im not perfect, I know I made the mistake of becoming dependent on you. But, do you really think these problems aren't workable. You really think you won't encounter problems in any relationship that need work on. I don't understand you.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 I think the only way to regain my sanity is to speak with him. Help?
na49 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 You speak with him. He tells you exactly what you DON'T want to hear. How do you feel better? Aren't you going NC to feel better? Well he doesn't have anything good to tell you. He's told you already, he doesn't see himself marrying you. If he changes his mind, I'm sure he'll find a way to let you know. He hasn't which shows me he isn't really regretting his decision to leave you. Also just saying, we never understand why they leave us. Why would my ex leave me for a 24 year old alcoholic? Why would she cheat on me when she said she never would? We'll never be able to get inside their head, even when we ask them we can't expect to hear the truth because they may be lying to save our feelings. The only thing we need to know is that they don't want to be with us. The reason is a non issue. 5
Simon Phoenix Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Are you using NC to better yourself or are you using it sitting by the phone hoping your ex will call you? It really sounds like you aren't being remotely productive with your time. If you were, you'd get to the stage where his answers wouldn't even matter. And even if you get an answer, it won't satisfy you. You'll either be upset with what he said or his answer will inspire more questions and confusion. Plus, him walking away shows that they aren't workable. He isn't compelled to stay with you if he doesn't feel it works. I'm sorry, but I've been on this site for several months and you seem to be in the exact same stage as you were when I got here. That's no bueno. 1
geegirl Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 You have to talk to your ex about the thoughts in your head? He can't help you sort yourself out. He has moved on and the last thing on his mind is sitting back and pondering about answers that you need to help yourself. He's invested in his new relationship and in a completely different emotional and mental space as you are in. And even if he gave you answers, you'll still be where you are right now, tomorrow, next week, next month. They leave because they don't feel the same anymore. The duration of a relationship does not guarantee "forever". Marriages much longer than your relationship end because people change, their feelings change, the dynamics of the relationship change. Just because he was with you for seven years does not mean "happily ever after" guaranteed at the end of the line. The problems aren't workable because he does not want the relationship anymore. People work on the issues because they still want to be together. When one doesn't, it means they're not invested anymore. You can't force someone to be with you just because you felt the problems in the relationship were workable or that the relationship was valuable to you. Nine months and you are still dwelling. When does it end?
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