airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 hello guys need some advice on how to handle this situation... so we have been seeing each other about a year and half now... in that time we have broke up twice & got back together... we recently broke up about 3 weeks ago, over a stupid argument...there are some trust issues in our relationship & this lead to an argument & we broke up, but last week we talked about things & got back together. the problem is... 2 days after me and her broke up, she booked a holiday abroad with her brother, sister in law, there 2 kids & my girlfriends 15 year old. we have only been back together about a week & i am very worried, that this holiday may split us up again. we have not had much time to fix our relationship, or spend much time together..... her being apart from me for a full week is worrying me.... i worry about her being out partying & getting drunk..... then again, she is with her brother, sister in law & kids.... so maybe i have nothing to worry about???? she promised to ring me everyday & i could ring her.... i am worried she may get caught up in the nightlife over there & make excuses not to talk to me. our relationship feels fragile right now... this holiday will not help.... but because she is going with her family, i could not tell her, that she should not go. how do i handle this week apart?
Star Gazer Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 If your relationship cannot survive a week apart, it's not a relationship worth salvaging.
anne1707 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Two things: She is going on a family holiday so that is hardly going to be about going out getting drunk etc If you two can't manage a week apart then you should not be together 1
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 well i feel a bit safer, knowing she is going with her brother, sister in law & 3 kids i have not met her brother yet, but i hear he likes to drink... so bit worried about that... am i worrying too much here?
Star Gazer Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Worrying is a waste of energy. Worry isn't going to change what she does/doesn't do and/or whether the relationship survives.
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 you are not a couple anymore, so stop feeling jealous about her. let her go and dont call her or expect her calls. that way she will either miss u or not, time will tell u the answer. meanwhile book your own holiday so that when she comes back she wont have the pleasure of telling you her stories- pull a fast one before she tells u sth mean and nasty - always hope for the worst so when the truth presents itself you are atleast prepared we are still together.... we got back together a week ago. i know this is a family holiday... but her bother & sister in law drink alot. so i am worried, she may be getting drunk with them.... she has told me, she will not do that. also should i be calling her all the time, or asking her what she has been doing? or should i just trust her, and hope she does not do anything to hurt me & hope she stays in touch with me
TaserTag Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 She's going with her family and children on this trip, so I doubt that she's going to be out running around drunk and acting wild. I'm sure that she wants some time to bond with her family. You are right in that you should not ask her to not go. As has already been said, if you can't spend a week apart without your whole relationship falling apart, then you need to breakup anyhow. There's a serious lack of trust there. You really shouldn't feel this unhinged over her going on a family vacation and being away from you for a week. You seem terrified that she's going to dump you again or cheat on you once she is away from you. Deal with this week by letting your girlfriend have a good time with her family and not stressing her or yourself out over "what-if" scenarios. Don't freak out and be angry if she doesn't call you and check in constantly, but be happy for her and positive if she does call. Going on vacation with family is a nice thing - you should be happy for her. If you put pressure on her while she's on vacation and look so insecure, I think you'll be breaking up again. I'm sure you can find something positive to do with yourself for one week without her. If you're going to break up, you're going to break up. But your best bet is to just be nice & supportive about her going on vacation with her family and then have something nice planned for her & you when she gets back.
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 She's going with her family and children on this trip, so I doubt that she's going to be out running around drunk and acting wild. I'm sure that she wants some time to bond with her family. You are right in that you should not ask her to not go. As has already been said, if you can't spend a week apart without your whole relationship falling apart, then you need to breakup anyhow. There's a serious lack of trust there. You really shouldn't feel this unhinged over her going on a family vacation and being away from you for a week. You seem terrified that she's going to dump you again or cheat on you once she is away from you. Deal with this week by letting your girlfriend have a good time with her family and not stressing her or yourself out over "what-if" scenarios. Don't freak out and be angry if she doesn't call you and check in constantly, but be happy for her and positive if she does call. Going on vacation with family is a nice thing - you should be happy for her. If you put pressure on her while she's on vacation and look so insecure, I think you'll be breaking up again. I'm sure you can find something positive to do with yourself for one week without her. If you're going to break up, you're going to break up. But your best bet is to just be nice & supportive about her going on vacation with her family and then have something nice planned for her & you when she gets back. i totally understand that & that is what i intend to do. i will let her enjoy the holiday & just keep my mind occupied & try not to think of the worst.... but what if it turns out she is making excuses not to take my calls, or ring me at all.... do i just back off & leave her to it????? if it turns out she is clearly avoiding me, while on this holiday... then i guess i should let the relationship go.... as i would never trust her again
Apolodor Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 People don't go on holidays and spend the evenings in their hotel room....I'm sure you know that. The fact that she booked the holiday just 2 days after you two had an argument might also indicate that she is craving for some space. She'll have plenty of opportunities for quick romances while on holiday and if she wants to cheat on you there is little you can do (and you have no means of knowing what really happened). Even if she calls you every day, that does not exclude that she won't be sleeping with another guy......
veggirl Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Why do you care if she gets drunk on vaca? You think she will cheat on you? Why? Has there been infidelity in your relationship
marklarsson Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Why do you care if she gets drunk on vaca? You think she will cheat on you? Why? Has there been infidelity in your relationship That must be the trust issues that the had a a problem with snd reason why they broke up. Maybe he has the fear that if she gets drunk she ŵill cheat Etc.. To the OP. you haven't had time to work things out so forget about her going in holiday and then take things from after she comes back
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Why do you care if she gets drunk on vaca? You think she will cheat on you? Why? Has there been infidelity in your relationship we have split up twice before, she has always maintained that she has not slept with anybody else, in between that time... our first breakup was for 6 months.. i always found it hard to believe, in that 6 months, she never met any other guy, or slept with him. she maintains she has not.... so i guess i have to believe her. on a couple of occasions, i know she has told me a few lies too.... but i do not know if she has ever cheated on me.
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 That must be the trust issues that the had a a problem with snd reason why they broke up. Maybe he has the fear that if she gets drunk she ŵill cheat Etc.. To the OP. you haven't had time to work things out so forget about her going in holiday and then take things from after she comes back i think i am mostly worried becasue, we got back together only 1 week ago... so we have not had chance to spend time together & fix our relationship up & try to build trust between ourselves she is going to this holiday, with her brother, sister in law, and 3 children under 16 years old.... so maybe i am worrying myself too much.... the fact is.... if she is going to cheat on me.... then there is nothing i can do about it from over here!!! but if she stops taking my calls, or does not ring or text me, or makes excuses not to talk to me..... then i know something maybe up
anna121 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 She is on vacation for a week. You need to be reasonable about your expectations of her being in touch. It sounds like you expect her to text you...alot, call you multiple times a day etc. Do you? Most people would find that suffocating. It is not about making an "excuse" for not talking to you. It is about there being a REASON to do so - she is somewhere else, trying to enjoy herself...and you're not there.
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 she actually does want us to stay in touch... and said she would like to hear from me every day so i don't know how many phone calls that means.... maybe she wants to talk twice a day... i really don't know i am going to get on with my week & try not to worry.... if you would cheat on me, then there is nothing i can do about that.... so why worry myself all week if she drops contact with me & stops texting & calling, then i guess i have something to worry about
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 is it unlikely for her to mess around, if she is out there with her 15 year old son? her brother & sister in law... also there 2 kids she is sharing her room, with her 15 year old
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 is it unlikely for her to mess around, if she is out there with her 15 year old son? her brother & sister in law... also there 2 kids she is sharing her room, with her 15 year old what do you think guys?
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 is it unlikely for her to mess around, if she is out there with her 15 year old son? her brother & sister in law... also there 2 kids she is sharing her room, with her 15 year old is it unlikely for her to mess around in this scenario?
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 if she does not call or text me, should i be calling her? i dont want to be chasing her all week
anne1707 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 You do realise that the behaviour you are demonstrating in this thread would be enough to make many dump you. You are obsessing.
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 You do realise that the behaviour you are demonstrating in this thread would be enough to make many dump you. You are obsessing. i am only asking, what i should do, if she does not stay in touch with me... she is my girlfriend, off course i will worry if i don't hear from her
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 You do realise that the behaviour you are demonstrating in this thread would be enough to make many dump you. You are obsessing. you obviously do not understand how stormy mine & her relationship has been in the past.... and there have been times she has treated me quite bad & dumped me quite recently too so yes i am bit worried, but there is nothing i can do about it. i am just un sure about how much contact i should have with her... and should this contact be on here terms
anne1707 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 i am only asking, what i should do, if she does not stay in touch with me... she is my girlfriend, off course i will worry if i don't hear from her She is going on holiday with her family including children. This is perfectly reasonable of her to do so. You cannot expect her to stay indoors all the time, not doing anything other than calling or texting you. Some contact yes but not incessant. Also how about you making the effort to text her now and then. you obviously do not understand how stormy mine & her relationship has been in the past.... and there have been times she has treated me quite bad & dumped me quite recently too so yes i am bit worried, but there is nothing i can do about it. i am just un sure about how much contact i should have with her... and should this contact be on here terms I think I do get some idea of how stormy the relationship is from your posts but I can promise you that I have been through far greater difficulties in my relationship. Yet I would not obsess like this. You really do need to back off and relax. Maybe one phone call a day - and not for hours and not as prescribed times. she is going on holiday to enjoy time away with her family. You would risk spoiling that, and your relationship, if you pressure for constant calls and texts. How much contact do you think is reasonable? Not just amount of texts and calls, but how long those calls should be, time of day, etc?
Author airwave2010 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 i think i am worried, because she has lied to me before... and my gut tells me, she might be up to something she has sent me quite a few text messages, saying how much she loves me & misses me... she just seems to be coming across as acting too nice.... way too nice than she normally is... just does not feel right to me. it feels like, she is keeping me sweet, while she is over there! i could be just over thinking all this... i think best way for me, is not contact her too much... let her contact me, if and when she wants.... just be nice about things and try to get through this week.... something tells me, it's going to go wrong.... the timing of this holiday is off.... it is at a time, when there are some big trust issues between us
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