Don't flame me i broke nc

[Sososad]

Hey guys just looking for advice.

I'm broken up now 6 weeks ..

First 3 weeks no contact since break up

I got in touch after 3 weeks to try fix things

Was told under no circumstances I was wanted back and

She was happy and didnt love me anymore etc.

So after that I said to myself I owe myself more

And I've gone zero contact once again.

I think things changed at this point as she

Still expected me to chase and be around but instead I dissapeared so in the last

2 weeks she's text me 5 times to no reply ..

Her texts have been strange and confusing

One was basically saying she didn't care

The next a picture , the next a nice message about me kids and the last was just

Simple text saying " I'm some c%%t"

I got email then work related and she tried to sort a problem and genuinely tried to help..

So I replied to that to just say thanks

You don't need to do that anymore if u recieve calls just pass them on to me .

This got a immediate reply with pure anger .

Basically she's very very angry still

-fuming I didn't reply/ignored her

-thought I was nasty as I never told her how I was

(She never asked once in any message )

-has assumed I'm talking to my other exs but not her

-'I said if u really wanted to see how I was why didn't u pick up the phone

This brought more fury and was told I text u didn't reply and the messages were in her words "ice breakers"

 

I basically ended the emails it was just abuse and anger I was been given and said look its not working out here let's leave it be.

Her reply was whatever goodluck

 

I case I'm right back at the start again.. Trying to figure out why she's so anger

Was her ice breaker to try get in touch ?

Is loneliness or maybe the feeling I'm no longer her lap dog waiting around for her sinking In?

I hate I've knocked myself back ..

I really do.. From a personal opinion I think I handled her emails well didnt get into the argument she clearly wanted was polite throughout ( which I think has angered her more )

And basically said this was your choice and I'm giving you your wish very respectfully .

I told her I really want her happy but under no circumstances right now do I want to see/hear about her happiness.

I really get the impression she was reaching out to try open communication like c'mon you don't text a person x5 times unanswered for nothing ?

Any more experienced posters .. Able to help me ..

[Thunderchild]

She's a nut job - she's just discovered that you aren't on the end of her leash any more and he's not happy. Get as far far far far far far far away as possible from this one until she apologises profusely and becomes civil towards you again!

[Sososad]

You think she's trying to get in touch ?

Or just pick a fight?

Like she even said she sent me a pic

As a "icebreaker" like wtf why are you breaking the ice

You wanted away !! Why you wanting to chit-chat

Sorry for venting just confused !

Thanks for replying

[Thunderchild]

The sudden outburst of anger is indicative of an unstable, highly-manipulative individual. You've shown her that you aren't her little poodle. She's not going to get what she wants from you, so she exploded. This kind of is very self-centred, it's all about her, trust me!!

[Sososad]

Wow very perceptive of you

Others that know the full story all the say the same.

Why is she contacting me though?

What's her goal or point in this ?

If I keep ignoring will she keep trying !!

Thanks for the insight ur very sharp!

[Sososad]

Any other advice ?!

[ThatJustHappened]

Yup. Change your number and block her emails.

[fancy feast]

What's her goal or point in this ?

 

This is something that only she knows. Spend your time and mental energy on something else.

[Sososad]

I'm just so confused why try so hard

To get in contact and then give out

When I eventually reply ???

I ended it this time do you think

She will try contact again

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I'm just so confused why try so hard

To get in contact and then give out

When I eventually reply ???

I ended it this time do you think

She will try contact again

 

Here is the thing though man....you will NEVER understand why they do this. It will drive you up a wall I assure you. What's worse is that I dont think they even know. Isnt that weird? It's like some puzzle they created they or you cant solve. You are doing okay with it, but TRUST me on this. Don't reply. Do not do any such thing. You know responding was not a good idea hence why you told everyone not to flame you haha. You didnt do anything so whats with her hate? You don't deserve to be treated as such....no one does. Let her get angry at you so what? She wants a reaction out of you and when you give it, she will be cold again. So how do you combat that? Easy: DONT RESPOND. This will do two things: 1. Get you over this whole situation. Clear heads are not prevailing and thus nothing will get resolved. 2. Make her know her childish games wont be played. Heal from this, get better from this, and keep being the bigger person.

[Coping Vortex]

I'm just so confused why try so hard

To get in contact and then give out

When I eventually reply ???

I ended it this time do you think

She will try contact again

 

It's obvious you want to stay in contact with her. If so and you want her back stop playing games. Meet up and talk it out. Or block her number. This is all game playing on both sides. If you keep posting these questions you don't want her to stop contracting you. End the games.

[Sososad]

Thanks for the advice .

I do kinda want her back I've said

No different but i don't understand what's going

On . I don't think I should reply to insults or anger anyway !

Sure she's the one that's walked away . Normally when you leave Someone

Your gone ,checked out already !

I don't get saying she just wanted to know how I was but never actually asked anything remotely like that question!

Sorry guys if u feel like your banging your head off a brick wall I was doing

Good but now I'm way back down the line!

[js1967]

First off, Im very sorry this happened.

 

I dont know why what or how things occur between couples, I have researched so much around the internet, tons of opinions, but nothing firm.

 

I think everybody is just a little different.

 

That being said, I fought the concept of NC when I first came here....I tried it, stuck to it...broke it in a big way. It kind of made things worse..

 

So I started again.

 

No texts, no phone call attempts, all social media unplug

 

Yesterday...and this was the final thing which was tough. I deleted her phone number.

 

Today...I actually feel pretty good.

 

 

If I can give you one piece of advice, save yourself a lot of thinking and trouble and try to position yourself where I am at right now...because it is a better place.....Delete her from your life completely and do not contact them back whatso ever.

 

My confidence alone is through the ceiling! I got punched hard man...Fell your pain.

 

Good luck

[Sososad]

Thanks for your words of advice

It's just difficult to get my head around

I know myself if I ended a relationship I would be respectful

And leave the person be ..

But this is crazy !!

Says she just wanted to know I was ok!?

But never once asked was I ok!?

[js1967]

Its tough as hell man. Gosh my recent break up was harder on me then a 18 year divorce! The emotions are off the charts.

 

I hate sounding like a guy sometimes...but I actually feel bad for women worse then men. They are for the most part emotionally driven. Guys are too, but dang

 

This whole Love thing is a curse I think...lol

 

Telling you to just be strong is just Typed words....and real easy to do.

 

 

As I guy, I will tell you.. MAN UP.... Grab your balls, shake your head a couple times like somebody just sucker punch you right in the eye, instead of punching them back, put your hands in your pockets, turn your back and walk away and DONT SAY A THING.

 

Embrace your confidence once it shows itself and keep it! Do not contact that girl, turn your back, walk. Dont listen, dont consider, fight it, just walk away and own the fact that you were strong enough to do that!!!!

 

It helps me to think...well, this has been a very valuable experience to learn from.

 

Hang tuff man!!!!

 

 

P.S....sorry to any women on here who may mis interpret my guy to guy advice.

[Sososad]

It's just hard when you do the no

Contact so long and you slip up it knocks you so

Far back !! ( I get it tho I read the guide haha)

It's just I still care so much .. And had always that little bit of hope still in me that shed change ...

Guess not to be !!

[Chi townD]

Uh Yeah, Change the words "Ice Breakers" to "breadcrumbs". That's what you were getting. She wanted to know why you stopped chasing her. Begging and pleading with her. What changed in your life that you completely cut her out of it? Is there another girl? Did I mean that little to him? Does he hate me that much?

 

See, when you go NC, you give them nothing. No answers to those questions. What they fail to see is that we're giving them exactly what they asked for. Us out of their lives. Look, if she contacts you again, just inform her that she chose to have you out of her life. She stated that she doesn't love you and wants you gone. So, what exactly is there to talk about anymore? And you think it would be best just not to stay in contact. That you need to heal and move on so you can find yourself a girl that WILL love you. Then, back to NC.

[Sososad]

Thanks for your advice . Like she sent 5 unanswered messages before I replied

(Dumb move I know now ! )

But that's seems more than a simple asking "how I'm doing" when she never actually asked that !!

I don't get it if I'm

Hoping for reconciliation down the line should I not try open communication

If and when she reconnects ..

Or is it pure breadcrumbs and let her go ?

[robaday]

You need to let her go, get confident again, to get her back. Counter-intuitive, but tell yourself its over - no going back, convince yourself that no matter what you will never get back together. Then live, imagine a life without her, imagine all the cool things youve always wanted to do, get on with it. Visualise a future where you will be just fine without her, visualise that no matter what...you will be just fine, and this is the path to you finding yourself again.

 

Moving on and getting confident is actually way more important than getting her back in your long term happiness - a) because you will be a better person because you can handle ****, b) because you will have new friends/experiences without her, c) because for you guys to work out ever again, you gotta be the best you can be and not take any crap from her.

 

Its your choice who you let into your life, your choice who you can date, your choice what you can do with that life. Live it!!

[Sososad]

If she tries the nicey nice approach

Of any approach just ignore !?

[robaday]

Have you got other options? Any girls who you could go on a date with? Are you out and about meeting new people? Training at the gym or learning a new course?

 

Guess what Im getting at is try to change your reality, immerse yourself in new experiences. Shes not in your life as such - you dont see her, you rarely talk to her so right at this very moment, there is no reason to think of her, even though thats hard!!! And when your fully immersed in striving for a better life, youll realise that you dont want her or the past bringing you down anymore, youll be at a stage where you can make the decision to accept her in your life or not.

 

Shes being needy, as well as not letting you go. Convince yourself that you dont need this in your life cause your happy without her, and as another poster wrote there is nothing to talk about now - what can you get out of it? rehashing old arguments/drama grief apologising for things that you didnt do wrong........it is time consuming, energy sapping, and prevents you from being the best you can be.

[Sososad]

Very inspiring words thank u very much