Moka_maverick Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 So Why doesn't he want to have sex as much as me? It has been Sunday night since we last had sex and I tried this morning to make love and he didn't respond. He told me 6am wasn't the time for this. Lovely, now I need a time frame for sex. So what is bugging him? How do I know if he isn't attracted to me? I know he isn't a morning person, but he will be going out of town Thursday morning for a week or so, and I want to be with him before than. What do I do? What are the reasons for lack of response? We have been rocky for a few weeks now, but I thought things were on the uphill; maybe not? What have your experiences been in this situation...men and women?
jasper78 Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 well i dont know what to say? Never really knew there was females out there who wants sex as much as we men want.
Touch_of_Naughtiness Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 How long have you been with him? Did he want it all the time before? How old is he and you? There can be many factors why he does not want as much sex as you.
lydiamarie Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 maybe he wasn't in the mood. you said yourself that he isn't a morning person and that he told you that he was turning down sex because it was 6am. so why don't you believe him. and initiate sex at a better time of day. like your lunchbreak
snilljente Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 My marriage fell apart partly due to the fact that I was married to someone who didn't like sex very much....The last guy I was dating this summer (we only dating for a couple of months), I had already started to feel like I wanted it more..I mean in the beginning, I want it at LEAST once a day....this new guy said that I had to stop joking around that I was hornier than him...but it's frustrating to be attracted to someone and have them be passive sexually....he would always message me things like, he wanted to do this and that, but when we got together, he wouldn't follow through....so, yes, there are women out here with healthy libidos who want men with the same....
Author Moka_maverick Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 Originally posted by Touch_of_Naughtiness How long have you been with him? Did he want it all the time before? How old is he and you? There can be many factors why he does not want as much sex as you. Hey TON: We have been together for almost eight months. I think I have always been more into sex than him; maybe because of my age (29), but I am more sensitive to flat-out denials of lovin', and it sucks. It is hard not to take it personally. He is 32.
arnicka Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Moka_maverick, I definitely feel for ya on your situation there! My sex drive is through the roof and some guys, of course contrary to stereotype, just can't keep up! Was wondering if you've talked with him about any medical problem he might have? What about depression, being busy w/work, his sense of commitment to your relationship? Lotsa possible factors there. Have you just plain told him how it hurts when he rejects your advances? His response to that should tell you a lot about how he views the situation (if he thinks it's a "situation" at all) and what, if anything, he plans to do to bring back the physical intimacy.
Author Moka_maverick Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 Originally posted by arnicka Moka_maverick, I definitely feel for ya on your situation there! My sex drive is through the roof and some guys, of course contrary to stereotype, just can't keep up! Was wondering if you've talked with him about any medical problem he might have? What about depression, being busy w/work, his sense of commitment to your relationship? Lotsa possible factors there. Have you just plain told him how it hurts when he rejects your advances? His response to that should tell you a lot about how he views the situation (if he thinks it's a "situation" at all) and what, if anything, he plans to do to bring back the physical intimacy. I have made comments like, "what's going on; do you not like me anymore?" He said, "Why because I'm not getting up with you in the morning?" I said, "No, because you don;t want to have sex right now". He said, "You know how I am in the morning. Six am is just not a time for that" (meaning sex). He has been busy with work, and as far as I can tell he is fairly committed - he is good about calling, taking me out, hanging out, showing affection, etc. I don't think he considers it a situation at all, but who knows.
arnicka Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Does he have a high-stress job? Ah, that's damaging to anyone and would surely affect numerous areas of their life; stress needs to stay out of the bedroom! I would wait and see if his work settles down at all, if he gets himself more organized and efficient in dealing with that situation. Most likely, this is a time for you to be patient and wait it out...hopefully that's all it'll take. Give some encouragement...maybe see how he responds to affectionate gestures that aren't so sexual? Massages, long kisses, etc. Might be able to progress it to something more substantial. He sounds like a traditional guy...a good guy who's trying to contribute as much as he can to his future and to provide to those he cares about (you).
Author Moka_maverick Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 Originally posted by arnicka Does he have a high-stress <A TITLE="Click for more information about <A TITLE="Click for more information about job" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||job|AA1VDw">job</A>" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||job|AA1VDw">job</A>? Ah, that's damaging to anyone and would surely affect numerous areas of their life; stress needs to stay out of the bedroom! I would wait and see if his work settles down at all, if he gets himself more organized and efficient in dealing with that situation. Most likely, this is a time for you to be patient and wait it out...hopefully that's all it'll take. Give some encouragement...maybe see how he responds to affectionate gestures that aren't so sexual? Massages, long kisses, etc. Might be able to progress it to something more substantial. He sounds like a traditional guy...a good guy who's trying to contribute as much as he can to his future and to provide to those he cares about (you). Yeah, maybe I am being too overanalytical? He owns his own business and is working a couple nights a week at a bar to get out of debt, so him working at a bar with potential to flirt with other chics is disturbing too, but I can't control him and his behavior, so I am trying to be supportive. I know a lot of this issue is me and my insecurities, so hopefully it will all work out. Thanks for the words!
roy2004 Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 hi, your husband and my wife need to get together, because my wife isn't a mourning or night person. i don't know what is happening with your husband but i'm thinking we both need an explanation of why the brush off. i sometimes think it's a lack of attraction, especially when she knew before our marriage that i was a person that needed a lot of affection. how about you do he know how you feel and was he always like this.
sami Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 There are some good factors why some people are not really in the morning thing. The PMA " Positive Morning Attitude" is just a one factor.
u_would_b_lonley_too Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 my husband is the same way. We were together for about 3 years before we got married, and weve only been married for around 3 months. But hes only french kissed me once, never fingered me, and never ate me out, oh and weve ONLY had sex 23 time the whole time weve been married. Youd think since he was a virgin when we got married he would want it all the time but nope. I do more than him and he dont even do anything to me to put me in the mood. So maybe someone could give me some advice too. What is wrong with my husband?
slubberdegullion Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Where are all these hot blooded wimmen??
adrianna Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 I'm so glad too know there are also women out there who enjoy sex as much as I do. It's a common myth I think that women hardly ever want to do it, and men want to do it all the time. I would LOVE to do it everyday if I could, but I am also affraid of coming off as too desperate or horny or whatever. Luckily we have options to help us satisfy the urge. I know it's hard, don't try to take it too personally. I think it's great you have a healthy sex drive. Maybe if you kind of pull away from him a little he will want you more, what's that saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Kengne Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 It's funny. I never tht it possible for a woman to have a higher sex drive than a man.. but from reading certain threads, and my recent personal experience... I can see how it IS possible. I would suggest you have a frank discussion with him, and discuss YOUR needs i.e. how often, ideally, you would like to have it vs how often, ideally, he would like to have it. Maybe then you can reach a compromise? Even tho in reality, it's hard to enforce the compromise if one person just 'isn't in the mood' all the damn time. Good luck! K.
helena abadi Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 to the person who married a virgin ... that's a tough one. i sympathise. been there. but he wasn't a virgin, he was just not able to ever open up sexually. and we could never talk about it. i was very fortunate to find compatibility eventually with another partner much further down the track. so, talk about it first, in a gentle, non-threatening way. ask if he finds you attractive, what turns him on and off. explain to him what you need, and ask him if he can reach for that. then set up romantic, sexy environments. lead into them gently. he's got no experience and this is a steep learning curve because he's got nothing prior to draw on. maybe he thinks, this is all there is. if that doesn't work, get back to us.
u_would_b_lonley_too Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 to the person who married a virgin ... QUOTE] thanks, I have tried to talk to him. He just dont wanna talk about it. He just says 'theres nothing wrong with you, your beautiful' and im like well what is it then and he just says ill try to do better but then forgets all about it (or so he says). Dont get me wrong I know theres alot more to marriage than sex but its hard for me to be happy thinkin theres somthing wrong with one of us. I really do love him hes everything and hes so sweet in so many ways its just the sex that throws me off. He thinks that doing things to me like french kissing, etc (things to turn me on) is nasty and he dont think he can do them, But I can to him and he aint gotta problem with it.
Recommended Posts