Heartbroken by Him

[thearcheress127]

I didn't know whether this would be appropriate in the Coping section or the General Relationship Discussion, I decided to play it safe and post here. Please move this thread if you find it necessary to do so.

 

This is a long post, but please, hear me out.

 

We met online about two or three months ago. B was the perfect guy with a bad reputation. Or so I thought he was perfect. I live in the US with him living in CA.

 

He has had a long journey with weed, moreso hardcore drugs. Always treating me well, was there for me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, calling me beautiful, just overall making me feel better about myself. After all, he knew that I had depression, insecurities, and issues with my self-confidence. Surprisingly enough, we got to know a lot about each other during those short-lived couple of months. We shared stories together, how our lives were going at that moment, what our plans were, pictures, the whole nine yards. Our chemistry was through the roof.

 

He did ask me out in the early beginning, but as I felt it was too soon and that we were rushing things, I rejected, which he was OK with. I told him my feelings were strong towards him and that one day it very well could be a possibility that things would blossom into more than a friendship with him.

 

Five days ago, the nonstop communication came to a dead stop. During those days, I wondered what was up. Our plan was to chat on Twitter because of the fact that his phone was broken at the time. I couldn't stand not knowing a minute longer. I had an exact idea but I was in denial. Come to find out, I was spot on. I DMed him Friday once and for all. I simply asked why we have not talked in several days. His answer? "He just didn't have feelings for me any longer." Confessed to me that he never did stop smoking weed. Let me say that he did stop for six months prior to meeting me for the sole reason of bettering himself. Hated his lifestyle. And he did smoke while talking to me. I flipped out a tad because he hurt me by lying. There was no way that I would stay with a drug addict. Said that he would try his absolute hardest not to do that ever again. I eventually gave in, forgave him, earned my trust back little by little. As I was taking all of this in, I noticed that he kept giving digs by saying awfully means things, topping it off with a smiley face at the end of each sentence like he didn't care at all. I requested to know when he was going to tell me his true feelings. His answer again? "Never." It seems like this guy planned on going from a potential boyfriend to meaning nothing. He says he kinda just stopped thinking about me and then yeah, no more feelings. Near the end of our conversation, he proclaimed that he had told me that he would be the one to ruin whatever we were. He warned me that he was naturally sneaky, and deceiving someone came easy to him. Once he lets go of something, it's final and it's happening. He says that he was hurting himself and that he would miss me too. He claims that he once had feelings and cared for me. I did have one more question though before he left. I asked him if he truly thought I was pretty or if he was making it up. Told me that he was totally just saying that. My face was the equivalent of a horse's ***. At this point, I was shaking and crying hysterically. I don't need to hear the things that I tell myself every single day from someone else. Although, I don't believe I'm outstandingly gorgeous, I don't believe that my face looks like a horse's behind either. After hearing that, I walk around my house feeling embarrassed. I will go to any extreme to avoid a mirror now. It's sad. I don't recall being this purposely hurt by another human being before.

 

He proceeded to leave after that. All I wanted to know was exactly why he did the things that he did. Why? How do you have feelings for one that day, less than 24 hours later, they're nonexistent. The only explanation he gave to me was that he had his own personal reasons. That's all I was able to get out of him. Question after question, he got frustrated, and told me I annoy him now and he didn't find it enjoyable. I told him to that I must cut off all ties leading to you in order to start my healing process. A few minutes went by, and I get a "I thought you were leaving. Peace."

 

Can anyone tell me what this monster's true intentions were this whole time? I was played, perhaps? How can I go about getting over this? As of now, he clearly doesn't feel any remorse whatsoever, even told me so. Will he? Will he feel guilty in the long run? The thought of me taking him back does not cross my mind. Our relationship is shattered. But theoretically speaking, will he want me back once he sees he lost a good girl? Remember that I did not provoke him to leave. Our last conversation before those five days was us telling one another that we loved each other. What could have possibly made him change his mind? I gave him no reason to do any of this. Everything turned so quickly.

 

Yes, I am aware that there were a dozen red flags here. I now know to trust my gut feeling next time. I cannot possibly change someone who does not want to change.

 

I have difficulty, eating, sleeping, doing every day things. I'm constantly nauseated. All I do is cry. Barely having any friends to vent to, makes matters worse. To go from talking to this guy for two and a half months to NC, stings a bit. He had the absolute nerve to ask if we were going to stay friends or not. ()

 

Phew, posting this made me feel relieved.

 

Any advice here?

Edited March 17, 2013 by thearcheress127

[iKING]

He was an egotistical maniac with no regards for other's feelings.

 

The only positive thing here is that he was honest.

 

That doesn't mean he had any right to be a condescending jerk.

 

You dodged a bullet, be glad he's out of your life.

 

Stop beating yourself up about this. Easier said then done, but you have to. You have to carry on and take care of yourself. He isn't worth your pain, attention, or tears. There's no reason for you to be insecure. Don't listen to what people say. Including me. Getting down about people's opinion will not benefit you. Be happy with yourself, and no matter what you look like, someone will find you to be beautiful. Beauty is both aesthetic and what's in your heart, remember that.

 

I don't know you, but you seem nice. Find a good guy. For your sake.