js1967 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I am deeply troubled sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes at wondering and imagining my ex being intimate with someone else. I have no idea what she is doing, I dont even know if she is with anyone else. Not knowing, and imagining the worst is tearing me up. Is it better too just face this full brunt on and know she is intimate, having sex with some other guy, or is a way t try and avoid these thoughts. This doesnt happen often, but when it does, it is gut wrenching. Friday saturday date nites for exxample....sitting and wondering are horrible. i dont want to hate her, but I swear if it helps stop these mental images I get, I would welcome hate instead of the painn I go through. Man this sux.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hate only brings more anger, and more hate; an endless cycle. It disturbs peace, inside of us, and the world around us. She is not worth hating. It doesn't bring internal peace... You won't stop hurting, nor these thoughts, that seem to creep in mind. It is best to let go. Only you can find this... Perhaps, the best answer I could give: Live for yourself, not the world around you.... 2
NoBrainer Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I feel your pain, js. I have the same problem. I try to push those thoughts out of my head, but sometimes it feels like my own mind wants to screw with me. Weekends are the worst. I was at the gym last night, and suddenly I thought... I bet she's having sex with someone else right now! Don't know where that thought came from, but it hit me hard. The only thing I could tell myself was that someday I wouldn't care. That's kind of what I've been telling myself about my entire break up. Someday, I won't care. I guess, it doesn't matter when our exes sleep with someone else. If it hasn't happen yet, it will. There's nothing we can do about it, except try not to think about it. And when we do, just remember that someday we won't care.
Sososad Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Totally normal man.. Sadly .. Happens most of us and Can stop us dead in our tracks ! Don't think there is a quick fix other than try kill the thought as soon as it festers in you. Easier said than done .. Keep super busy and don't let the thoughts control or ruin your day . The advice above is very good Someday you won't care . It's normal too weekends are going to be most difficult ..
Author js1967 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Thanks for the cheers It does stop me dead in my tracks. Last nite was hard, I hardly got sleep! God isnt playing fair with me right now. This Stuff is horrid.
Damaged23 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 It does suck, these thoughts eats us away! I wish I was over him already!!!
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 In my opinion keeping busy and going on dates is the best thing you can do to avoid thinking about it. You will inevitably think about it it's unavoidable but at least if you have a date every night of the week you are distracted which is the next best thing. Good luck! 1
Compromize Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I am deeply troubled sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes at wondering and imagining my ex being intimate with someone else. I have no idea what she is doing, I dont even know if she is with anyone else. Not knowing, and imagining the worst is tearing me up. I feel your pain. This is the worst part about being in love with and wanting someone that has left. We know they were intimate with another before us and will be intimate with someone else after us. But so will you. I think this part of the process is a passive part. You can't actively push the thoughts away at night like you can when you are staying busy during the day. I guess we have to let these thoughts come and go. I know for me I am a very passionate and sexually charged man. With my ex we could literally not get enough of each other. Now I have absolutely zero sexual drive or desire. It's almost as if "it" doesn't work anymore. Masturbation only leads to thoughts of her so it's pointless. Being heartbroken is an entire body situation. It affects the entire body. The only thing we can do (I think, this is my first real heartbreak and I am almost 40) is let time wash over us, let the thoughts, good and bad, wash over us and try to see that the future is still there. Slowly push away thoughts of our exes and day by day we start to get back to being us again. This too shall pass. When things are bad, remember: It won't always be this way. Take one day at a time. When things are good, remember: It won't always be this way. Enjoy every great moment.
cavalier99 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) I'm sure my EX is getting nailed every which way by her new boyfriend. She is relatively horny and loved sex toys etcetera and was a really good girlfriend for the most part. I'm sure she has already been to the sex toy shop months ago to get new toys with her new beau. Meh my really sloppy seconds.. i was there for the last 8 years tearing that sh*t up...he is welcome to it Bahahaha. Looking for something new now lol Rock on! Cav Edited March 17, 2013 by cavalier99
LostGirl11 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 When I dwell on things I think "Right I can either sit here and dwell or get up and do something" Then I picture myself doing something. Then I get up and do that thing. 1
Compromize Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 When I dwell on things I think "Right I can either sit here and dwell or get up and do something" Then I picture myself doing something. Then I get up and do that thing. Damn I should be doing something right now but I'm kinda hungover from last night. Ugh.
LostGirl11 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Damn I should be doing something right now but I'm kinda hungover from last night. Ugh. Well thats allowed As long as you're not dwelling.
Compromize Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Well thats allowed As long as you're not dwelling. Lol, not really. My ex did text me last night but I am not responding. I am dwelling on the fact that I should be doing something! But I digress as I am hijacking this thread.
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