theHeart Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I recently met a guy online. We talked for about 3 weeks before we met (scheduling, live 1.5hr apart). To make a long story short, we hit it off, I ended up staying the night, and then it/I became...awkward. I thought I was being reserved, thought he thought I was rejecting him. He told me to text him when I got back, which I did but then he sent me a few texts later that night that I didnt see until much later. I sent him an email letting him know Im interested in him, had a great time, etc. The following day I sent him a text asking if he would want to meet up the following weekend, he said he would like to but then later that night emailed me and said: "The way you described Saturday is beautiful, but it also makes me worry that you're coming on very strong. In turn, I'm worried that I jumped the gun and came on too strong. I don't regret it in the slightest, but I'm already worried that if I go on a date with someone else then I'm somehow being improper. I'm not ready to commit on all levels and I apologize that my actions spoke differently. I had a really fun time together and know it would be fun to see you again. I'm just trying to be straightforward right now rather than wait any longer to express my reservations. I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous, thinking too far ahead, or reading too much into some of the things you've said... doing my best to interpret where you're coming from." Which was good to hear, he was worried about me, I was worried about him, and I feel we needed to have somewhat of a "talk" to see where each other was at. Im leaving on a 6 day vacation and thought it would be nice to see each other before I left, but in my reply I suggested it might be better just to wait til I get back. Problem is now, Im finding it difficult to come up with things to talk about. He contacts me and its fine at first but then Im just at a loss for words, more so because Im afraid I may say something and he will interpret it the wrong way. Felt it was easier before because we hadnt met but now that we have and we "talked" its not as easy as before simply because Im afraid anything I may say he will take too literally. So my question is: Should I tell him how I feel, the hesitancy? Are we both just being overly cautious and just need to chill out? What are some good (neutral) things to talk about with a guy? I am interested and would like to see him again, just trying to find the correct balance between too much and not enough.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Telling a guy you had a good time is pretty standard after a first date. His responding that you are reading too much into his actions, and he wants to see other people? Not so much. Unfortunately, you are way more invested in wanting this to work than he is. Please don't twist yourself into a pretzel trying to see how you might get him to become interested. It's not going to change the outcome. Usually at your stage, if a guy likes you, everything you do is just perfect and your minor flaws are cute quirks that only add to your charm. This guy is gently telling you that he wants to date around and see if he can find better. Just be yourself and do what comes naturally without all the second-guessing. For me, assuming I didn't walk away which would be my norm on being told something like this, that would be not bothering to initiate anything or put in any effort. New guys approaching me would always get priority, because quite frankly, this guy is telling you he's a dead end for you if you're looking for a relationship. If I read between the lines, you probably slept together on your first date. Perhaps don't do that if you're going to have expectations for things going the distance rather than it just being a casual fling or ONS. At any rate, given his warning, please be careful about becoming his FWB while he continues his search for a girlfriend.
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