LaFemmeBrille Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Hello, everyone! Thought I would join an online support forum, since I feel that I've had just about the worst luck possible in the romance department. My history in a nutshell: Married from 2003-2010: Ex husband left me for another woman 2010: Terrible string of bad dating experiences 2011: Met a man, started dating, and married him later that year 2013: Second divorce--suffered domestic abuse (but he left me) 2013 Current: Dated a guy for a bit that I liked and got hit with the bomb today--he thinks we should "end our friendship"--not just our romance, but our friendship. I'm sitting here, pathetically, with tears in my eyes and a sore heart. And, no, I don't need tough love right now. I need a sympathetic shoulder, because I couldn't feel more undesirable at the moment.
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hey I'm sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Breakups suck so so bad. I don't think there is a pain that is much worse than this! I too get dumped a lot. No matter if I'm the more attractive/ smarter/ kinder of the 2. I have been trying to figure that out myself as to why I get dumped so frequently. But I think I've got it somewhat figured out. People like u and I probably stay in relationships until they are completely dead. We accept treatment that many would not accept. I let my ex (broke up 3.5 weeks ago) treat me like crap for a long long time. We were together for 2.5 years and by all rights I should've left him after 1 year. Then I would have been the dumper instead of the dumpee. But I stayed with him out of my attachment to him. My desire to make it work was stronger than my desire to do what was best for myself. You might be doing the same sort of thing. U say u were with someone who was abusive. Most people who are confident would not stand for that. I stayed through emotional abuse as well when many girls would have left that situation. We have to figure out why we cannot let bad people go and once we figure that out we can work on it and then stop doing it which would put us in the dumper role. Being the dumper is definitely easiest on the ego. Try not to feel bad. Im smarter/ more attractive/ have way more friends/ and am funner then my ex. This is not an exaggeration whatsoever. But I stayed when I should have left because I have low confidence and attachment problems it seems. It sucked getting dumped by him. It sucked big time. But getting over him is a little easier because what we had was not that good (I can see that much clearer now thanks to NC). It doesn't mean we aren't desirable it just means we stay with people who are not suited for us and put the role of dumper in their hands because we don't leave on our own terms. This is my theory. I hope you can get over this guy fast and can build your confidence so this stops happening
mike588 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Your not alone! I'm in my 40s and my ex. wife (10 + years ago) left me for another man and I've been dumped more time than I care to remember. I'm also NOT bragging but I too am a handsome tall slim guy with all my hair and teeth haha a job and am a sweetheart when it comes to treating my girl the way a woman should be treated..not a cheater or beater either. I scratch my head often wondering WTF? I thought women like/love guys like this but it seems like as soon as the "honeymoon" period is over they haul ass. Take some time now to look deep within yourself....are all/most of the men that dumped you...do they all say it's because of this or that about you? If you can narrow it down to a certian reason work on that. I know that's not alot of help but wanted to let you know that your far from alone.
The Tallest One Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I agree, I am 43, my ex wife left me 4.5 years ago and I havn't had the greatest luck in dating. The last gf I had ended things a month ago yesterday and I too stuck around way too long. I also have low self esteem and attachment issues, so this time around, I'm NOT going to be dating for a while. I really need to work on ME and try and improve my self esteem and sense of self worth before getting involved again. I sometimes think we are almost desperate to find "the one" that we don't step back and take time for ourselves. I know I don't really want to be single, I enjoy being in a committed relationship and sharing my life with someone, but I think I need time to get my life together more than it is. 1
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 It's needinesss, in some form or another. If you feel deep down like you are not "worthy" it will show in everything you do and every interaction you have. Sorry, but that is the truth. I have always been the Dumper, and many times that is why. Again, not trying to be a dick.
Apolodor Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hello, everyone! Thought I would join an online support forum, since I feel that I've had just about the worst luck possible in the romance department. My history in a nutshell: Married from 2003-2010: Ex husband left me for another woman 2010: Terrible string of bad dating experiences 2011: Met a man, started dating, and married him later that year 2013: Second divorce--suffered domestic abuse (but he left me) 2013 Current: Dated a guy for a bit that I liked and got hit with the bomb today--he thinks we should "end our friendship"--not just our romance, but our friendship. I'm sitting here, pathetically, with tears in my eyes and a sore heart. And, no, I don't need tough love right now. I need a sympathetic shoulder, because I couldn't feel more undesirable at the moment. Look on the bright side, at least you've been able to get in a number of relationships after your divorce. Nothing lasts forever, so you shouldn't feel bitter that things ended up before you would have liked. There is always next time.....
aliceb1987 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Commiserations to you,but personally i have learnt that that's all it is alot of the time..luck! So don't beat yourself up that it has anything to do with you cause the likelihood is that it doesn't! I have never been into a guy who hasn't liked me less than i like him,and it does make you feel pretty pants always being the dumpee (or doing the dirty work for someone who wants out anyhow!) And although it may not make you feel better,to put a positive spin on it,things could always be worse,you could've got to your age without all those relationships,people interested in you and shared experiences.And as the old saying goes 'It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all' ...and you will love and be loved again no doubt x
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