starrysky7 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 So I have been kind of seeing this man for 6 months (he doesn't see it as a relationship, more on that in a moment.) Known him for almost 2 years. He is in the process of a divorce and so am I. He told me at the beginning of whatever this is that he didn't want a relationship and that he couldn't fall in love. Then would frequently tell me "Wow, what are you doing to me?" and that his feelings for me were getting stronger. Fast forward a few months of texting or talking every day and seeing him...I have fallen in love with him. He is such a good man. So I told him I loved him, he just said it would be so easy to fall in love with me but he can't. I asked him and he said he is afraid of getting hurt again, that's why. Then a couple weeks later he told me he loved me (after he had a few drinks). Then also told me through text, sober. Then he stopped saying it. We had a conversation about our "relationship" and he said he just doesn't want a relationship right now, and I asked him well what is this then, we are sleeping together, he texts or calls every day, we see each other a few times a week, etc. When I asked him about him saying I love you to me, he said he knew he shouldn't have said it because he knew I would take it the wrong way and that it didn't mean he wants a relationship. He tells me all the time I am so special, I am amazing, he is lucky to have me, blah blah blah. He told me last week he has feelings for me as more than friends, but he is not in love with me. During the phone converstaion he told me over and over he is not in love with me. So last week we had what I consider to be a "break-up" on the phone; I told him I am in love with him and want a relationship and he doesn't, so I feel we are at an impasse. He said it's better for me not to see him anymore. I told him it was too painful to be in contact right now. Then the next day he texts me. I didn't respond and he freaked out about it, asking if I was not talking to him anymore. He said he had something to give back to me the next day, and I saw him, and we kissed. Kept talking, then the next weekend I saw him both Saturday and Sunday. I just want to know what's going on. I am so confused. I know he said he doesn't want a relationship. Then why does he keep contacting me? He has texted every single day for 6 months. I am not the one who initiates texts/calls. And how can you tell someone you love them then essentially take it back? It hurts my heart, so much. It hurts to hear him say I am amazing, I am so special to him, but then to know he doesn't want to be with me. I feel like he won't let me let him go. I have done a lot of work with a therapist working through issues from my divorce and working on myself, and I am ready to be in a mutual loving relationship. He told me it's amazing hearing me say I love him, and that I can say it whenever i want, it's not weird for him. But it is for me. Him not loving me back doesn't change how I feel for him, but it makes me feel bad and I so badly wish he loved me. Am I crazy to think that him saying he is not in love with me over and over was him trying to convince himself he is not? I have been getting the feeling that he does feel that way for me but doesn't want to feel it, or is confused. And why does he say he doesn't want a relationship but then we act like we are in one? Please help.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 He is emotionally attached but that doesn't mean he's in love with you. You two started as an affair? If so, then the intensity of that is in play as well. It also has become a habit, to text with you daily. The addictive part of having an affair. you ended it and he is going through withdrawal. If you want it over, then tell him you need space and ask him to please respect your wishes, to not text, call or email you. Since he isn't interested in a relationship right now, then he needs to leave you alone. Wait until you both are officially divorced, maybe then things will change.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hard to say whether or not he is lying about being in love with you. It sounds like you are hanging on, hoping that he IS just denying his feelings and will finally stop fighting it and the two of you can be in love. Could that happen? Yes. Could it not? Yes. So, do you think you can you be in this one sided "fake relationship" for the long haul, WITHOUT the chance that he will change his mind?
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