acapelo_dp Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Hello all. So back in November I had a pretty bad break up , got broken up with by my boyfriend of nine months out of nowhere. It took me a long time to get over it, so recently one of my best friends lets call him Jon invited me to Alberta for a mini vacation to get my mind off of things and to have some fun . So I flew out February 28th, and so Jon has a group of male friends in the city that we went out with Friday and Saturday . So Saturday we went out to a club together and I got to talking to one of Jon's friends, lets call him Steven . We talked all night and then I went back to his place to continue to drink and stayed the night with him. We ended up sleeping together (I initiated it) which is a bit out of character for me, but I figured hey, I haven't had any physical contact since my ex and maybe this will help me get over him a bit . Anyways , in the morning everything was cool, we had a good conversation . He asked for my phone number, and asked if he could maker anything for breakfast and I declined . I said I had to get back to my friends place , so he walked me down to the door and I gave him a hug. Steven texted me a out an hour later to ask if I got food and we made small talk. Then he asked me of I would like to get coffee or go to dinner before I left for my flight which was that night, but I had to get ready to go. Anyways he texted me the next day to talk and now swill text me every two or three days, usually starting with something about the weather maybe as an excuse to talk to me. It's kind of dumb because I realize that he lives across the country, but he seems very nice and continues to keep on contact with me even though I left. I said I may be out again and he said he would definitely encourage it, and made a smiley face. He also said he had a blast with me and that this gives him an excuse to fly out this way ad visit his family sooner. Does it sound like he is interested in me, or that he is kind of a player ? He seems like a nice guy and this is the first time I have had any remote interest in a guy since my ex boyfriend.
Apolodor Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 He's interested to have more sex with you, that's for sure. Are you so naive as to expect that this guy is in love with you?? You slept with him within a few hours of meeting him, I'm sure he was flattered, but it would be presumptuous to assume that it was anything but lust.
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 He's interested to have more sex with you, that's for sure. Are you so naive as to expect that this guy is in love with you?? You slept with him within a few hours of meeting him, I'm sure he was flattered, but it would be presumptuous to assume that it was anything but lust. Well, I never asked if he was in love with me. I doubt someone could be in love after a day. I was just asking if he seemed interested, as in liked me. But I figured if he was just interested in sex he would give up and not bother with my number as I live across the country and won't be going back out there. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, I realize it was a one night thing though. But it is possible for interest to develop after a hook up, that's how my last relationship started (but was with a friend). Again, not that I'm seeking a relationship or anything , that would be ridiculous . It's just nice to have someone to talk to who you have an interest in. Thanks for the comment though.
Apolodor Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Well, I never asked if he was in love with me. I doubt someone could be in love after a day. I was just asking if he seemed interested, as in liked me. But I figured if he was just interested in sex he would give up and not bother with my number as I live across the country and won't be going back out there. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, I realize it was a one night thing though. But it is possible for interest to develop after a hook up, that's how my last relationship started (but was with a friend). Again, not that I'm seeking a relationship or anything , that would be ridiculous . It's just nice to have someone to talk to who you have an interest in. Thanks for the comment though. You're welcome. Why would you keep talking with a guy with whom you had a one-night stand and who lives hundreds of miles away from you? Are you hoping for a long-term relationship?? It's not worth it. It is clear that the guy keeps showering you with attention because he's interested in sleeping with you again at some point in the future. If you get a boyfriend in the meantime, how do you think he would feel knowing that you still keep in touch with a guy with whom you had a brief affair?! You mentioned that your relationship with your ex finished out of the blue, and that you two hooked up after you had sex. I can see a pattern there, but it might just be me..... If you want your relationships to last it might help if you resist the urge of having sex on the first few dates. In that way your partner will respect you more and won't think of you as an easy throphey.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 The guy seems interested but you are sending him the message that this was nothing more than a ONS for you. He asked you out for coffee...you declined. He's reached out repeatedly even though you live on the other side of the country. Your reaction is consistently unenthusiastic. If you would genuinely like this to go anywhere, then you have to start reciprocating and showing that you too are interested. That you didn't just initiate sex with him one night while on vacation to get over your ex or scratch an itch between relationships. Out of curiosity, how old are you both?
mortensorchid Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hey, ships that pass in the night. Move on.
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 You're welcome. Why would you keep talking with a guy with whom you had a one-night stand and who lives hundreds of miles away from you? Are you hoping for a long-term relationship?? It's not worth it. It is clear that the guy keeps showering you with attention because he's interested in sleeping with you again at some point in the future. If you get a boyfriend in the meantime, how do you think he would feel knowing that you still keep in touch with a guy with whom you had a brief affair?! You mentioned that your relationship with your ex finished out of the blue, and that you two hooked up after you had sex. I can see a pattern there, but it might just be me..... If you want your relationships to last it might help if you resist the urge of having sex on the first few dates. In that way your partner will respect you more and won't think of you as an easy throphey. To be honest I wasn't looking for anything out of it, it happened and I figured why not - might as well since I wanted to feel better about things , which was a dumb move. I'm not hoping for a long term relationship because that's unrealistic. It's just nice to have someone to talk to, I have pretty much got through the last little push I needed to get over my ex - lusting after this new fellow. It's a nice distraction, and it feels nice that this guy is making an effort to talk to me and get to know me despite me living across the country. Before my ex and I broke up I dated a guy for five years. We didn't hook up the first time, also with my recent ex we were friends for years and never hooked up. It was just one night it happened and led into something more after that, initiated by him. I mean I don't just have one night stands all the time. It usually turns into something more but I think you are right . I need to gain some self esteem and stop jumping into bed thinking its going to make them like me. But yeah, i don't regret having the one night stand - even though it was out of character for me it distracted me from the heart break I was feeling ....
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 The guy seems interested but you are sending him the message that this was nothing more than a ONS for you. He asked you out for coffee...you declined. He's reached out repeatedly even though you live on the other side of the country. Your reaction is consistently unenthusiastic. If you would genuinely like this to go anywhere, then you have to start reciprocating and showing that you too are interested. That you didn't just initiate sex with him one night while on vacation to get over your ex or scratch an itch between relationships. Out of curiosity, how old are you both? Well, the only reason I declined dinner with him is because I didn't have time - he asked a bit too late and I would have missed my flight, but when he texts me I make sure to engage in the conversation and show interest without coming off too strongly. He doesn't know anything about my ex boyfriend or anything like that - we tend to discuss topics related to our interests and kind of joke around a bit. We have a bit on common because we have mutual friends and graduated form the same university. I am 22 and he is 23, it was his birthday the night we hooked up actually...
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Well, you gave him quite the birthday present, didn't you? TBH, your posts are a little confusing. You seem to be all over the place. What exactly are you looking to get out of this? What do you want from him? If you want something other than a ONS, is long-distance something you would contemplate?
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Well, you gave him quite the birthday present, didn't you? TBH, your posts are a little confusing. You seem to be all over the place. What exactly are you looking to get out of this? What do you want from him? If you want something other than a ONS, is long-distance something you would contemplate? Yeah I guess my posts do seem all over. Well, I am interested in him, he's a really nice guy and if he didn't live far away I would definitely like to hang out with him and get to know him. I currently am living at home working and saving up money, and for the past year have contemplated staying in my hometown permanently or moving away. So, if something were to develop into more i have the option of moving wherever. But it just doesn't seem realistic right now, so right now I am enjoying talking to him and getting to know him better to see what happens.
FitChick Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Could he afford frequent trips to see you? Is he tied to where he is living now? He said he has family near you so I wonder if he'd move closer to you. Just because you had sex doesn't really mean anything one way or the other. The fact that you both seem to like each other and have continued the "conversation" is what matters. You should tell him you'd definitely date him if he lived closer but because of your financial situation, it's not possible.
kaylan Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) YOU sound like the player OP. This guy sounds legit, and from how youre acting, I wouldnt be surprised if he felt used for sex and like you are blowing him off. And this happened on his birthday too, and some dudes put meaning behind that if they actually like a girl. If he wanted just sex, hed barely talk to you, and only check in to make sure you were on his mind, just so he could get sex again during another visit. The fact that he wanted to take you out, make you breakfast, and keeps in direct frequent contact with a girl who lives hundreds of miles away, spells out that he genuinely likes you. If I was him, Id be getting the user vibes from you. And that you sleep with guys you barely know a lot. Like I understand that quick sex happens sometimes, but if a girls really distant to me after...I assume she does it a lot, and wasnt ever into me. Edited March 17, 2013 by kaylan 1
Easyguy14 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Well, I never asked if he was in love with me. I doubt someone could be in love after a day. I was just asking if he seemed interested, as in liked me. But I figured if he was just interested in sex he would give up and not bother with my number as I live across the country and won't be going back out there. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, I realize it was a one night thing though. But it is possible for interest to develop after a hook up, that's how my last relationship started (but was with a friend). Again, not that I'm seeking a relationship or anything , that would be ridiculous . It's just nice to have someone to talk to who you have an interest in. Thanks for the comment though. Listen men will always be interested in a woman for a relationship as long as she makes love good. For most men it's all we require also with not having a lot of drama from them. I certainly wanted that ever since turning 30 is what I tell you.
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 YOU sound like the player OP. This guy sounds legit, and from how youre acting, I wouldnt be surprised if he felt used for sex and like you are blowing him off. And this happened on his birthday too, and some dudes put meaning behind that if they actually like a girl. If he wanted just sex, hed barely talk to you, and only check in to make sure you were on his mind, just so he could get sex again during another visit. The fact that he wanted to take you out, make you breakfast, and keeps in direct frequent contact with a girl who lives hundreds of miles away, spells out that he genuinely likes you. If I was him, Id be getting the user vibes from you. And that you sleep with guys you barely know a lot. Like I understand that quick sex happens sometimes, but if a girls really distant to me after...I assume she does it a lot, and wasnt ever into me. I dunno, I don't see how I'm a player. I do show interest in him and engage in conversation with him and flirt, I just don't want to come off too strong by initiating contact all the time. And also he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who is glued to his phone, so I feel like I am bothering him if I text him first. But I definitely like him and I make an effort to show I am interested by asking him a lot of questions about himself when we chat. I even offered to pay for the meal the day I was leaving but I realized I wouldn't have time to hang out due to needing to pack and get ready to leave for the airport. I dunno how else to show I am interested and it wasn't just a one night stand to me without looking desperate or coming off too strong lol
kaylan Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I dunno, I don't see how I'm a player. I do show interest in him and engage in conversation with him and flirt, I just don't want to come off too strong by initiating contact all the time. And also he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who is glued to his phone, so I feel like I am bothering him if I text him first. But I definitely like him and I make an effort to show I am interested by asking him a lot of questions about himself when we chat. I even offered to pay for the meal the day I was leaving but I realized I wouldn't have time to hang out due to needing to pack and get ready to leave for the airport. I dunno how else to show I am interested and it wasn't just a one night stand to me without looking desperate or coming off too strong lol Ok, then I withdraw the player comment. I thought you werent showing him interest based on your earlier posts. Dont worry about coming off too strong. Just continue to have chit chat, and just make sure he knows youd like to see him again. How far away is he? And how often could you manage to visit? I see nothing wrong with saying "Hmmm, I might be visiting *mutual friend* again soon, would you be free when Im in town?"
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Ok, then I withdraw the player comment. I thought you werent showing him interest based on your earlier posts. Dont worry about coming off too strong. Just continue to have chit chat, and just make sure he knows youd like to see him again. How far away is he? And how often could you manage to visit? I see nothing wrong with saying "Hmmm, I might be visiting *mutual friend* again soon, would you be free when Im in town?" Well, I live on the east coast of Canada and he lives in Alberta. So it's a 5 hour flight, so I don't think i would be back for quite awhile lol which is unfortunate
kaylan Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Then all you guys can do is keep one another in mind, stay friends, and just date other people for now. Thats the reality of such a distance.
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