Stopped contact, any welcome.

[jocha]

Hi All

 

First time poster, i have viewed this website before but not had the need to post previous, however a situation has arose the last couple of months that has thrown me out my comfort zone and put me in a position i havent been before.

 

I met a girl online just after Xmas, i was away with work for a couple of weeks but we spent that period speaking every other night on the phone, texting loads and really getting to know each other, and right away there appeared a real spark between us. I am not one for wasting peoples time and if i have no interest in them i prefer to say and hopefully the same happens in reverse or at least it has previous. She had split with her ex about six months previous but she admitted she had loved him, again no issue there and she had gone the usual ways to get over somebody, stopped contact, stopped going places they may meet, getting rid of any reason to be in contact with him, again all that didnt bother me at all, everybody has a past and so i dont worry about things i cannot do anything about. She also made a point of telling me that she had loved him but knew he wasnt right for her and said had done the above actions so she could move on, all fine with.

 

Anyways, i liked this girl but there was still the fact we hadnt met so i remained cautions incase the 'spark' wasnt there when we met. However when we did meet, we got on great, seemed to fancy each other like mad, and we went for drinks then saw each other the whole of the next day and that night and had a great time. Because we had got to know each other over the phone when we did meet it just seemed so natural and we got on great, so much so on that evening we both opened up about things about what had happened in our past and it seemed to bring us closer together (It may seem odd doing that on our second date but as stated we had spoke for hours on end and the meeting each other in person was a formality) We also slept together and both just seemed so happy.

 

Anyways, things are going great, i should point out here she has a son as he is quite important in all this! The son is 8, has learning difficulties and doesnt often see his dad as he lives a long way away, anyways the son was the girls i was seeing world, she made that clear that he was number one priority and i quite agreed with her. Anyways, a few days after we had met she suggested that it might be good if i met her son as she liked me a lot but didnt want to get months down the line, i meet him and decide i couldnt cope with him (I would like to think i wouldnt of anyway but i am aware it does happen) so i meet her son in a neutral location, get on fine with him and things are still going great, i also made a point of doing my own research on his learning difficulties, not to score brownie points but so i understood what it was. This did go down well with her and the night where i had first met her son she texted me saying she was glad i hadnt done a runner and started to become very open. Previous she had said she was still on the dating website, she said she wasnt talking to anybody and hoped that after a few more dates with me she would delete her profile. I didnt have an issue with that as i did regard myself as quite a secure person and thought i wanted to see how things go so i was glad she was honest and left it that.

 

That same evening of me meeting her son she also text to tell me that night an old friend had asked her out but she said no as she was seeing somebody else (me) that same night a lot of texts were exchanged, very flirty so at this point i am thinking this is going good. Next night we see each other again, again have a great time, and i couldnt be happier and she seemed the same, she was giving off signals to me that she was very keen and was opening up more and more which she openly admits she finds difficult to do, and then..........

 

I had met some friends and they asked about her, she had said she was looking forward to meeting my friends and so i text her jokingly saying my mates were asking about my new girlfriend to which she told me, she wasnt my girlfriend, we were seeing each other, it didnt bother me as i had sort of thought the same. Anyways next day after chatting with one of my friends, he had been strung along by a girl and she hadnt the heart to tell him she didnt want to see him anymore, i text the girl i was seeing and said what had happened with my friend and basically if she ever felt she didnt want to see me again just tell me straight out and i would do the same. She went very quiet on me for a few days and said she didnt know how to take what i had said. I left it anyways and when we saw each other again we got on great, the flirting started and then she invited me to spend the day with her and her son, again went great, and she is very independent and she asked me if i could help with some household stuff, thats a big deal for her, but i sorted it and all went well.

 

Where i went wrong was i had a paranoid moment when i started to think she had gone off me, i noticed she seemed to be on the dating website a lot (it brought up a chat thing saying she was on anytime i went on internet, my profile was hidden on the dating website and i didnt ever use it to even log in but she showed up on my chat) i didnt have a major issue with that but out of curiosity i checked her profile and she had added new photos, was online a lot more but at the same time appearing to get closer and closer to me. What i should of done then was said to her that i knew i was really starting to like her and i wanted to not be serious but just date each other see where it went, instead i didnt and hinted and came across very paranoid. Its out of character for me, never happened before, i have had relationships, dated women, some have not been that into me, others i havent with them but something about this girl i was crazy about, first time ever i was thinking of somebody else, i had heard people say you get butterflies and things just seem natural and thats how i felt, i didnt want to as i felt we hadnt been dating that long but again i dont think you can control your feelings, she seemed to be giving off the same signal.

 

Anyways, i hinted at my issue (which i am normally too the point, i would of said actually i just want us to date but something stopped me doing it, maybe i felt she would say she didnt want the same at which point i would of walked away myself but i just didnt say it, i hinted) and after the 2nd or 3rd time of me hinting we spoke on the phone, i acted a idiot by trying to act cool about everything when i wasnt, she was annoyed and that was the last time i actually spoke to her. I text her later that day apologising for been an idiot, had a short reply, next day it was bugging me and i assumed it was her, so i text and said about meeting up and just clearing the air. She replied to say she wanted a few days space as she didnt know how to take me letting other things bother my thoughts about her, (stemmed from my hinting) she said wasnt happy about something but didnt know what (she had a few other problems in her life at the time) i said no problems, i text her my thoughts and that i wanted to just date her but basically said i would backoff and would leave it with her and she had to do what made her happy. I havent heard off her since!

 

I am so confused, i would rather she said i dont like you, she had met somebody else, whatever it is just so i knew but i just never heard a thing off her which knowing her is out of character, she is honest and i would like to of thought she would of just told me, i would of been disappointed but at least its a closure and you move on. Instead now i have accepted in my head that its over but part of me still thinks i havent had that confirmation off her, i just have never known a situation like it, is she still thinking? Is she confused? I just dont know. This was a few weeks ago, i text her after a week just asking how she was, heard nothing, so contacted her last week and basically said i had taken the hint it was over and wouldnt be contacting her again (which i wont) but she had my number if she wanted to get in touch.

 

I havent heard anything but i find it so hard to accept that after opening up to me, introducing me to her son, talking about a future, etc that she just left it with no closure. I am not somebody who falls for girls easily, she is the only girl i have known (we are both late twenties) where i have thought she could be the one, she initiated a lot of chats about the future and it just felt right. I believe i could be her rebound person as despite her claiming so i am not sure she was over her ex, but surely you wouldnt go the lengths she did for somebody on the rebound, i have been on both sides of the coin rebound wise and it is what it is, i knew early doors with a girl i was seeing a few years ago and cut my losses and she wasnt over her but with this girl i have been seeing i never felt that vibe at all.

 

I have no reason to contact her and wont, and we dont mix in the same circles so we will never have a chance meeting together, so i suppose i just want to know how do i get closure, i am desperate too and i feel a lot happier now than i did two weeks ago, enjoying life, having fun, etc but i still think about her and this situation loads, it was short but it felt right, i think it will always bug me as i dont see a way how i can get closure for myself, i am not some lovestruck fool, 95% of me knows its over but the other 5% asks why and what if she is just having doubts.

 

I am very sorry for the long post, i just am very confused as to what to do, what i am feeling, so got it all out there in one.

Edited March 16, 2013 by jocha

[ThatJustHappened]

Dude..you need to control your verbal diarrhea. Just because your friend tells a story about being jerked around by a woman doesn't mean you need to apply it to your own life, or relay the story to the woman you're dating. Also, you told her to be upfront with you..but then you hinted around at stuff and didn't follow your own rule. That's not fair.

 

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're dating a woman with an 8 year old son, you're probably not a teenager..so stop acting like one. Harsh truth- you pushed her away with your hot/cold behavior. Leave her be.

[jocha]

Thanks for the reply, to be honest i know you are right.

 

I messed this up, she hasnt helped but its the first time in my life i have felt like this, i have always been in control of my emotions but this time i havent been and it has cost me. Although i am disappointed that she hasnt contacted me i am also fully aware i created the situation so i have take the hurt that comes with it.

 

I have always a happy go lucky person, but last two years i have started a business and i knew i had to grow up, focus and put things on hold (including relationships) and thats what i did. Just after Xmas i was happy with everything and thought i quite fancied maybe meeting somebody (hence dating website) and starting hobbies again, as i say i am quite happy but just cant help but thinking this girl was something special, if she was the one have i messed it up for good or is there anything i can do?

 

I feel the person the last couple of weeks of our dating was not the real me, i look back and am shocked at how i was with the insecurity and this is a painful lesson learnt, i would like the chance to maybe show her that it was a mistake and i messed up but i just dont see how i will get the chance.