knight56 Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 I dont understand why do some females like to be with men that like to hit them and tell them what to do. I guess some like to be with bad guys..lol There has been time when i see a pretty girl..getting yell at on the streets and get told what to do..( I tell my self why do you all put up with bull??) I heard girls say " well i love him".... " dont care if he hit me"..or "cheats on..me"
savethedrama4allama Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 There is a difference between a bad boy and a straight-up abuser as you describe. The bad boy image is more the smoking type, leather, tattoos, less refined, blue-collar, not preppy, perhaps not the most reliable individual. Maybe not the type you'd run home to mom but would be a lot of fun in bed. Its just an image. What you're describing is plain abuse. Abusers are usually great manipulators and make their girlfriends feel they can't live without them. Abusors come dressed in all shapes and forms from leather jackets to business suits. The woman may have seen examples of abuse growing up and may be more likely to accept it in her own life. She may have low self-esteem and feel she can do no better. It is a cycle that for whatever reason, the woman returns to. I suppose if anyone truly understood why, this abuse cycle would no longer exist. Trust me, she does care if he hits her or cheats on her. She is involved in a cycle that she is unable to stop.
morrigan Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 I second Savethedrama4yrmama---some people's self esteem is so destroyed by past experiences they can become prey to an abusive or manipulative personality. Abusers can be very charming and loving during the "honeymoon phase", they often promise to work on their anger, and appeal to the abused person for assistance--the "we can make it together" BS. The person being abused keeps hoping against hope that things will be better someday. Men/women who treat their SO's like playthings or have numerous conquests have a lot of arrogance that some people view as confidence or charm. I have never found it attractive. I always figured the people who go after these individuals are thinking in terms of a trophy hunt--for the basic excitement, or the ego enhancement if they can get that person to change and settle down. Not that that ever works.
arnicka Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 The woman in question might have an overly-idealistic romanticized view of love, believing her partner can do no wrong. Then she'd downplay his actions to save herself from facing the truth of the matter. She could have low self-esteem, be on a self-destructive path or just plain *not know any better.* Some wise up when they become honest with themselves, others end up being murdered or severely battered by the "men" they desperately needed and cared for. It really could go either way, and it could in all truth affect any woman depending on how manipulative the man was and what sort of vulnerable state the woman found herself in. But don't forget! This also happens the other way around! Some women prey on men's insecurities just as much ....believe me, more than I care to mention.
faux Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Some people will make up any excuse to justify having a horrible partner. I notice that women tend to do this more than do men, but men still sometimes go for the "psychos". I used to be one of those men. Some people do not want to be alone, so they will stick with who they find, no matter how bad things may get. Some people do not like to face reality, and would rather pretend all the horrors which occur do not happen. Past experiences have a strong influence on who we choose to be with as well. There are a lot of women out there "used to" being treated a certain way. As unfortunate as this may be, these things do happen.
honey2005 Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 There has been time when i see a pretty girl..getting yell at on the streets and get told what to do What happens if she's not "pretty"? Would you not feel sorry for her the same?
Maria46 Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 My parents were alcoholics and I believe that being raised in that environment you don't have alot of self esteem. I was also molested my a minister when I was a child. A quick look at the life of a co dependent woman with poor self esteem. I married one alcoholic who had several affairs during the marriage. I went to a counselor and got the courage to get out of the relationship. My couselor warned me that I had to be careful about my choices of men I dated. I dated several men the next year or so and they were all boring. I was use to having turmoil in my life. So of course, I found another alcoholic. This one beat me severely and told me that I would not be able to find anyone who would treat me better. We lived together for a year and a half. I filed one restraining order and assault charges (which I withdrew). I believe that the only reason I am alive today is because he was killed in a car wreck (he was drunk). My second marriage was to a man I met at work. He had long hair and I knew he wasn't my type. He met me for a beer one night and we were married 9 months later. Guess I felt he was the best I could do. I came into the marriage with over $250,000.00 in my 401K and equity in a house. We were married for 10 years. He was very controlling, verbally and mentally abusive. He was only physically abusive the last year of our marriage when I lived in Mexico and he came to visit me (he didn't like the Mexican jail either). During the last year and a half of our marriage, he destroyed the business we had, lost the house by not making payments, charged over $60,000.00 on my credit cards, and basically left me broke. All I have left is a lien of $50,000.00 on a house we had in Mexico (which I may or may not be able to get) and a judgment for spousal support of $1,000.00 per month (which I will never see as he has disappeared). I am so glad to be off of those merry go rounds. I am now in a relationship with a divorced man who treats me very well. He knows about my baggage and is trying to be patient with me when I get jealous or upset with him being late or when I don't think I am getting the atttention I think I should get. We have talked alot about my baggage and how I am trying to control my thoughts and actions. He is a great help with that. I know that the reason women go for the "bad boys" is because of their low self esteem and their thoughts that they can change this person into what they think they should be. My advice to all woman who believe they can change these "bad boys", should take a step back and think of what the relationship is doing to them. If they come into the relationship with poor self esteem, it will only get worse. Physical, verbal and mental abuse will not end until the relationship ends. And if children are involved, more than likely they will grow up with some problems in relationship areas. I can see it in my children, and they are adults now. Life is good now!!
Recommended Posts