Author bobsmith76 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 I've found someone more exciting to pursue. I found her on an OLD. I decided to go back to one of my old strategies of searching women by keywords. Ulysses and Chomsky generally turn up women that are bohemian and prefer the pursuit of knowledge to the pursuit of wealth which is what I'm after. To my surprise I found someone about 30 minutes away. She's a professor at a nearby university which is exactly what I'm looking for. I've tried to snag about 5 women on OLD who either already are Professors or are working on a PHD. Two of them turned out to not be interested in knowledge for its own sake, another I had a date with but she backed out at the last second, and the fourth was very excited to meet me but she uncovered some facts from my past of which she did not know the whole story and turned me down. The fifth never agreed to date me politely refused me despite my asking her about 5 times over the course of a year and a half. This one however I'm going to invest a lot more effort in trying to win her. I know where she works. I used to go to her university so I know the area well. I can find out where she teaches and I can show up to one of her classes on the pretense that I am interested in taking some continuing education courses. Eventually I can start visiting her during her office hours and talking to her. I'm still going to visit Lindsay tomorrow in case the professor rejects me. Always good to keep my options open.
serial muse Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) I just wanted to reiterate this, because I think it's a really important point: First, my sense is that you view intellectual and "fun" as mutually exclusive. They aren't. Many (probably most) women who do go for intellectual guys, find those who are both even more appealing. It helps to have a little playfulness (or even goofiness) mixed in with the serious intellectual. You do come across as someone who think that being intellectual/smart means that you can't have a lighter side, and that dark intensity is something that can be really off-putting. That's a shame. As has been said upthread, people want to be around people that they feel good around. If everything is super-serious and the pursuit of knowledge is the only goal worth having, where's the joy in simple existence and simply being together? Men and women both want this, and they want to have that gentle joy in being with a partner. It's not all about goals and acquiring more knowledge. Sometimes you need to find ways to enjoy where you are. And yeah, the "armtwisting" choice of words was unfortunate. Edited March 18, 2013 by serial muse
NeoGen85 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I've found someone more exciting to pursue. I found her on an OLD. I decided to go back to one of my old strategies of searching women by keywords. Ulysses and Chomsky generally turn up women that are bohemian and prefer the pursuit of knowledge to the pursuit of wealth which is what I'm after. To my surprise I found someone about 30 minutes away. She's a professor at a nearby university which is exactly what I'm looking for. I've tried to snag about 5 women on OLD who either already are Professors or are working on a PHD. Two of them turned out to not be interested in knowledge for its own sake, another I had a date with but she backed out at the last second, and the fourth was very excited to meet me but she uncovered some facts from my past of which she did not know the whole story and turned me down. The fifth never agreed to date me politely refused me despite my asking her about 5 times over the course of a year and a half. This one however I'm going to invest a lot more effort in trying to win her. I know where she works. I used to go to her university so I know the area well. I can find out where she teaches and I can show up to one of her classes on the pretense that I am interested in taking some continuing education courses. Eventually I can start visiting her during her office hours and talking to her. I'm still going to visit Lindsay tomorrow in case the professor rejects me. Always good to keep my options open. Stop. Just stop. In your spare time what do you do besides just being an intellectual? 1
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Ok, I'm going to down to the University to find out who she is. I looked on the Uni website and they only have pictures of about a third of their lecturers. The philosophy department has pics of all their phd candidates with their name underneath, but I don't think the English department has that. Ultimately I'm going to have to just ask one of the secretaries if I know her and I'm going to have to come up with the lame excuse that I saw her blog and she said she teaches at UMD and that I wanted to find out who she was since she didn't have a name or contact info on her website. However, that's very far-fetched and I think any idiot would sense something suspicious was up so I might just tell them truth: "Look, I saw her profile on an online dating sight and I wanted to introduce myself personally." This is my big chance to obtain real happiness for myself and I'm afraid I'm going to mess things up. I know that people draw false conclusions about me based on my online profile so I really don't want to introduce myself to her in that manner. I want to meet her first in person, hopefully her not knowing what my real intentions are. I also know that people simply do not desire a perfect stranger. It's rational to not desire strangers, it's much more sensible to desire people that you're very familiar with. I might even try going to her office several times before I ask her out on a date. We will see. I'm still going to keep Lindsay open as a possibility. However, she didn't respond to my email so that's a sign that she wasn't amazed by her 20 minute conversation. If you don't know who Lindsay is then read the opening post.
Imajerk17 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) Ok, I'm going to down to the University to find out who she is. I looked on the Uni website and they only have pictures of about a third of their lecturers. The philosophy department has pics of all their phd candidates with their name underneath, but I don't think the English department has that. Ultimately I'm going to have to just ask one of the secretaries if I know her and I'm going to have to come up with the lame excuse that I saw her blog and she said she teaches at UMD and that I wanted to find out who she was since she didn't have a name or contact info on her website. However, that's very far-fetched and I think any idiot would sense something suspicious was up so I might just tell them truth: "Look, I saw her profile on an online dating sight and I wanted to introduce myself personally." This is my big chance to obtain real happiness for myself and I'm afraid I'm going to mess things up. I know that people draw false conclusions about me based on my online profile so I really don't want to introduce myself to her in that manner. I want to meet her first in person, hopefully her not knowing what my real intentions are. I also know that people simply do not desire a perfect stranger. It's rational to not desire strangers, it's much more sensible to desire people that you're very familiar with. I might even try going to her office several times before I ask her out on a date. We will see. I'm still going to keep Lindsay open as a possibility. However, she didn't respond to my email so that's a sign that she wasn't amazed by her 20 minute conversation. If you don't know who Lindsay is then read the opening post. Jeepers creepers. Here is how your threads always go Bob: 1. You "ask for advice". Or rather, you lay out your game plan which involves being too serious and too intense, and you insist it's the right thing to do. 2. We tell you your methods are off-putting at best, and downright creepy at worse. See your threads about your online dating profile. 3. You ignore our advice saying we are the ones who have the issues (or we're just not deep enough to understand your "special situation") even though it is clear to everyone INCLUDING YOURSELF that your methods just aren't working. (See what I bolded in your post--if your methods were working for you, then you would feel that you have a lot more power and choice than this.) 4. You crash and burn. 5. You don't learn anything. And you go back to 1. basically none the wiser, and insist that your serious intense approach is the way to go, even though all you end up doing is creep out the girl you're into. Anyway I wouldn't be surprised if this girl calls the cops on you. She made it clear that you aren't interested and here you are tracking her down and showing up at her place of work! If a woman did that to me I would be SEVERELY creeped out. Meanwhile you might do well to lose your haughty attitude and loosen up. Edited March 19, 2013 by Imajerk17 2
SJC2008 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Bob, while I understand what you're reasoning behind the gift is, you're not understanding where the other posters are coming from. Now just saying it's creepy doesn't really explain so I'll try. When you buy a woman you hardly know a gift, it comes accross that there's an alterior motive and that's what's creepy. It's like you're doing it to get them to like you, even if it's not your intention. I hate dating rules but some are legit and this one, per a professional relationship counselor for men and author, recommends not buying a woman a gift inside of 3 months. Now you can disagree with everyone here but this "rule" is from a professional and if you want the source pm me and I'll give it to you.
bac Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) Man, what you are doing is really creepy..... Come on, you found this chick in the Library and now you are pursuing her no matter what. Are you a psycho? Did it occur to you that you're maybe not her type?! Or that she is hoping to get a better guy?! You can't buy your way into love by giving her gifts..... Love happens naturally. If it doesn't, there is no way you can force it to happen.... I don't know any woman who will be thrilled to date a guy who hasn't had sex for the past 12 years (!?) I haven't had sex for about a week and I feel really horny..... I do not see anything wrong with a small gift from a man. Women love gifts! IMO Many men did buy their way into love by being kind and giving. As for women who would be thrilled to date him, I would be one of them. But, I would never date you, Apolodor, because you haven't had sex for a wk and ....... Your attitude is the worst turn off for most women. And, Bob is not any better because he has already found another woman. Edited March 19, 2013 by bac
clia Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Hold the phone. You found a woman on an online dating site, then searched the web to find out where she works in real life, and plan to go and fake wanting to be in one of her classes to introduce yourself to her in person and hopefully weasel your way into her life? Honestly, that is one of the creepiest things I've ever heard. Why don't you just send her a message via the dating site? I've tried to snag about 5 women on OLD who either already are Professors or are working on a PHD. Two of them turned out to not be interested in knowledge for its own sake, another I had a date with but she backed out at the last second, and the fourth was very excited to meet me but she uncovered some facts from my past of which she did not know the whole story and turned me down. The fifth never agreed to date me politely refused me despite my asking her about 5 times over the course of a year and a half. This one however I'm going to invest a lot more effort in trying to win her. Good luck. I can tell you exactly why you aren't succeeding with these women. I'll give you a hint -- it has something to do with you working as a night clerk at a hotel. Typically, highly educated, ambituous women (i.e. PhDs and professors) are seeking out the same in their mate. Do you have a degree? Let us know how it goes. 2
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 it's spring break. so i won't get to see her for another week.
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 When you buy a woman you hardly know a gift, it comes accross that there's an alterior motive and that's what's creepy. It's like you're doing it to get them to like you, even if it's not your intention. I hate dating rules but some are legit and this one, per a professional relationship counselor for men and author, recommends not buying a woman a gift inside of 3 months. Now you can disagree with everyone here but this "rule" is from a professional and if you want the source pm me and I'll give it to you. And my ulterior motive is that I want to make them happy and marry them. Am I supposed to be ashamed of that motive? Who decides whom is a professional in terms of courtship?
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Why don't you just send her a message via the dating site? People don't desire strangers. People desire those they're familiar with. I have to let her get a good long look at what I'm like before she will start to feel desire for me.
FitChick Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I'm not convinced that buying a woman a gift is creepy, especially a cook book. If you're a woman and a guy buys you a gift and you react negatively then you're just predisposed to suspect that men are always up to no good. I generally agree with thumbs down to buying a gift. However, I just bought a brand new cookbook at my library today for $2. Donated to the library for their sale. If you insist on being stubborn, you could say you passed a yard sale at the end of the day and they were giving everything away. When you saw the book you thought of her and grabbed it. Then tell her if she doesn't like it, she can donate it to her own library. Librarians make more money than you do. Are you comfortable with that?
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 And my ulterior motive is that I want to make them happy and marry them. Am I supposed to be ashamed of that motive? Who decides whom is a professional in terms of courtship? You crack me up I never met a man so desperate to get married.
NeoGen85 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) <off-topic commentary redacted> I do not agree with the direction you're going in. It's no shame in feeling alone either. I know working night shift can put a burden on your social life too because I went through a slight depression for a bit when I couldn't spend time with family or friends working an overnight shift. I also was working 12 hours a day, and sometimes 7 days a week(thank you 787 Dreamliner). What you need to do is focus on your life and stop chasing women for a bit. Right now that sounds like all you do and apparently you're not getting anywhere. Edited March 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) You crack me up I never met a man so desperate to get married. That's what happens when you go 12 years without sex. I learned when I was 24 that relationships come and go with ease. The median time period of the first marriage is 8 years. I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm just lukewarm towards the person. I want that person to be real special. Refusing to have sex with other women is a great way to force one to view one's wife as special. Not my best defense of avoiding premarital sex but it will do. On my way to go see Lindsay. I did buy a book. It just a book of Ansel Adams photographs. But I think I'm going to save it for the UMD professor instead. We'll see. Edited March 19, 2013 by bobsmith76
SJC2008 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 And my ulterior motive is that I want to make them happy and marry them. Am I supposed to be ashamed of that motive? Who decides whom is a professional in terms of courtship? Bingo! This is why women are creeped out by gifts very early on. You didn't buy it for them to be thoughtful you bought it becasue you want something in return. You should never have to buy a woman a gift/do something for her to get her to like you. Make conversation with her, try to gauge her interest, flirt a little, ask her out and take it from there. IMO the best way to gauge whether or not to give a woman something or say something is to think if NOT doing it would cause you to lose them or rub them the wrong way. EX: Would NOT getting a woman a gift early on cause you to lose her? NO! Would NOT getting your GF of 1 year a gift cause you to lose her? More than likely! 1
outsidethebox Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Bob, the only thing I see for you is phone calls to the police and complaints to the OLD to have you banned for eternity. You do not listen whatsoever and I'm beginning to think this is a con game for you to see how creepy you can pretend you are on the internet. Since you've ignored my advice about buying a book and why you're buying a book, still using terminology like snag and force, still talking about talking to co-workers about someone and telling them things your target if you will probably wouldn't talk about, and now tracking someone down IRL rather than sending a message to the profile and asking to meet, and not only tracking them down but pretending to be there for a legitimate reason, which can only be described as stalking, if you are a night clerk as someone said I can only surmise it's for Bates Motel. And you mention that you have a past that needs an explanation and if someone checks we may see that they will decline your invitation to meet as the other professor did. And given the way you act, I can't say I'm surprised. Do not hunt down OLD profiles and talk to them or their associates. Do not indicate in messaging that you figured out who they were. Do not use terms of force relating to attempting to meet women. Those are the no brainers. 3
normal person Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) I know where she works. I used to go to her university so I know the area well. I can find out where she teaches and I can show up to one of her classes on the pretense that I am interested in taking some continuing education courses. Eventually I can start visiting her during her office hours and talking to her. Do you not see how creepy this is? This plan seems like little more than "stalk her and lie to her." If you found her via OLD, that's obviously the method she wants people to use to contact her and nothing else. I doubt she put a footnote in her profile that said "If you're interested, don't bother sending me a message. Just show up at my place of work unannounced and pretend to be a student." The reason people message each other before meeting is 1). to make sure they're compatible with the other person and 2). to ensure they aren't crazy. You don't seem to have any regard for this woman's screening process... you assume you can just jump ahead a few spaces because you want to. What if she doesn't want you to? Did you ever consider that? That's not fair to her and yes, quite creepy. People don't desire strangers. People desire those they're familiar with. I have to let her get a good long look at what I'm like before she will start to feel desire for me. People desire strangers all the time. Get a foot in the door with a few messages before you go for the full court press. This is my big chance to obtain real happiness for myself and I'm afraid I'm going to mess things up. If you're really afraid of messing things up, I would advise against doing most of the things you've talked about in this thread. And there is no one "big chance." You don't even know this woman. If it doesn't work out, there are billions of others. I really think you need to take a step back. You're a self-professed intellectual, but no amount of book smarts will allow you to see how you're perceived by others. There are lots of social nuances that can't really be learned from a book. You should be grateful for the advice given in this thread and take it into serious consideration rather than just assuming you have all the answers. If you had all the answers, you probably wouldn't be in the spot you're in. Edited March 20, 2013 by normal person 1
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 rather than sending a message to the profile and asking to meet, People are much more likely to reject someone on the internet than they are a real life person.
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Went to the library where Lindsay is in an intern. She wasn't there. There were only about 3 employees there. I'm not sure I like pursuing two women. Ultimately you are going to like one more than the other and if the one you like more turns out to reject you than the other one becomes one's second choice.
Author bobsmith76 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 If you found her via OLD, that's obviously the method she wants people to use to contact her and nothing else. You can't know that. The reason people message each other before meeting is 1). to make sure they're compatible with the other person and 2). to ensure they aren't crazy. You don't seem to have any regard for this woman's screening process... People screen out the wrong people all the time. What you don't understand is that people can determine on OLD who is obviously not compatible with them, but there are then about one third of them which they cannot know. Ultimately those that belong to that one third they wrongly choose those they think will be compatible with them. It comes down who is going to make you enjoy your life. You can't determine that from a profile. If it doesn't work out, there are billions of others. I only meet about 2 English professors a year. Being 36 years and being my expiration date is about 40 I don't have much time. You should be grateful for the advice given in this thread You're just assuming you're right.
outsidethebox Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 If women wanted to do what you want to do, they wouldn't post profiles with anonymous names. They would post their name and address and say drop my office and introduce yourself, can't wait to meet you. You should check with your OLD on terms of service for what you're doing. 1
normal person Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 You can't know that. Technically true, but ask any woman on here: If a guy saw and liked your OLD profile, would you rather he message you or bypass the whole process; find out where you work and confront you in person without warning? People screen out the wrong people all the time. What you don't understand is that people can determine on OLD who is obviously not compatible with them, but there are then about one third of them which they cannot know. Ultimately those that belong to that one third they wrongly choose those they think will be compatible with them. It comes down who is going to make you enjoy your life. You can't determine that from a profile. I agree with you that you can't determine that from a profile. However, if you have a modicum of discretion you can use the profiles and messages as a launching pad to meet in person later. When you make an OLD profile, you create an acceptable avenue for people to contact you: the message. It is not an invitation to stalk. I can't believe I have to write this. I only meet about 2 English professors a year. Being 36 years and being my expiration date is about 40 I don't have much time. Whatever the case may be, you aren't entitled to an English professor or an in-person meeting with one because of supposed expiry. You're just assuming you're right. So are you. It's completely subjective, but I think the amount of people here echoing the same thoughts should at least give you some perspective on what people generally find appropriate and inappropriate. If you want to disregard it all, it's completely within your right to do so. Just don't be surprised with the results.
ja123 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 OP, try to get a day job, as these night shifts might be negatively interfering with your thinking process. The fact that you cannot perceive your approach with the professor from OLD as stalking is really frightening. Listen to some of the advice you are getting on here. 4
hinatticus Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) I'm not sure I like pursuing two women. Ultimately you are going to like one more than the other and if the one you like more turns out to reject you than the other one becomes one's second choice. Your logic is just strange. So you're saying because I'm not with my first love from highschool, every girl after became my second, third, fourth, fifth etc. choice? A second or third option may turn into something better than you imagined. Can I ask you a question? Why do you post here and then reject everybody's advice? Have an open mind dude. Take some advice from experienced people. There are so many things you say that are just plain nuts, IMO. It may be harder to reject someone IRL but it can be easier to start up conversation online and not look like a stalker. Also, your thread title should read "I'm stalking women, I don't want any advice" Edited March 20, 2013 by hinatticus 2
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