dazed&confused28 Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 Ok, I have a complex situation here, and I need some advice. I've just been dumped in July, and I was in this relationship for 2 years. Here's the sticky situation! We knew each other from work. Before we started dating we talked about our past relationships and how we reacted to all the bad situations. I explained my strict parents, my culture and how it's hard for me to get away because of my family. I thought I cleared everything! Then,we started going out, and then I left for another company a few weeks later. Here's my issue. I live with my parents at the age of 28, who are from another country. They don't believe in my dating American people. The guy I dated lives 1 hours away. I would find excuses to go see him every weekend. On our 2nd date he introduced me to his family. Over the next 6 months things were fine, but something went horribly wrong. My parents knew I was up to something, so they went through my room and found my diary and read it! It had a lock on it. They didn't approach me about my sneaky ways, but figured out a way to limit my going out to go see him. Every time I said I wanted to go see friends, cousins, or family, they said no or they had plans so I had to stay home and do something they needed. Well as time went along, 6 months went by and I had only seen him 5-6 times. But he was really really patient! Finally this past six months went by, with only seeing me 2 times. I told him about what my parents did and that's why I can't get away. I had to stop calling because my parents were watching my phone calls also. So, I talked to him via email everyday, but in June 2004 there were days he would say stuff that would worry me. One day he said "I was talking to my coworkers and she/they said the reason you don't come see me is because you are dating someone else", "I feel you are stringing me along", and finally "Well it doesn't seem like there is any "us" anymore. Any time I talk to you I basically get the feeling that you really aren't interested in this and just don't want to tell me that. I basically feel like I am getting the blow off like your ex. I have been more than understanding in this relationship and it really hasn't gotten me anywhere except getting to see and talk to you less. When I have tried to talk to you I just get a bunch of question back about me and what I want. " This all came up, within two months apart. One week he told me he couldn't wait to see me, now all this? During the two months I kept talking and talking over emails and phone. But, because of my parents I couldn't see him. I asked him over and over if he was not happy, then he needed to tell me. I asked him over and over if wanted out of this relationship, just tell me! I always asked him what he wanted! He just wouldn't tell me anything! He just built up this wall! Finally I went to go see him in July end, thinking this would help, maybe he would open up. I stopped by his place, but he wasn't there, so I went to my families place. Well as night fell, my friend said "let's call him". We called him and he answered, but he was distant. Our conversation was light, and he asked "where are you?" I told him, and he got really quite. I told him can I come see you and he paused and then said no. He was very distant, so I asked if it was ok to ask a few question and he said sure! When I asked "what's going on with us?" he answered "there's nothing going on with us". So I asked more questions, like if there's someone else and he said "Yes". Since I asked the right question to figure out it was over. At the end of the call he said "I hope you have a nice dinner" I just said Fine, and hung up! I wasn't mad for some reason, just really confused. It made me sick to my stomach that he would think I could have dinner after that conversation. I haven't kept in touch since that day (2 months), until today! Today is his b'day. So I sent two words, HB! He sent a email back saying "thank you" and I sent a email saying "you're welcome" That's the end right! Nope he sent me a email 30 mins later saying he found one of my books at his place when he was packing. Nothing more or nothing less. How do I respond to that?????? Any ideas!!! I'm scared to respond because I'm still not over the whole situation. Well, I've decided to take his advice from 6 months ago, and move out from my parents home. I've decided I need to stop trying to make eveyone else happy and just worry about me! But now he's got me thinking again??? Can you guys help me???? How should I respond to this last email???? And why would he try to talk to me if he dumped me 2 months ago.
Emily55555 Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 I can see how he feels.. Why do you still let your parents control you at 28? Like... You became an adult 10 years ago. If you wanted to see him you should of. Simple as that. I can see why he was upset. Put yourself in his shoes, how would you react to that? Would you just not care if you only saw him twice in two months? So maybe he does miss you and wants to see you again.. or maybe not. But if he does, there still isn't much of a chance of a realationship here. Sure your families important, but sometimes you just have to put him first instead. It's okay to do that you know. & If your family doesn't respect your desicion to see whoever you want they must not respect you. Dont let your parents make decisions for you anymore. You are not a child, you are old enough to make you own decisions, so do what YOU want. You should be in control of your own life. Maybe it's time you think about moving out and starting your own life. Instead of of branching yours off theres.
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