little76 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'll try to sum this up into a paragraph... I was married for 15 years. About 10 years in, my husband went out of town, came home and said he didn't want to be married anymore. My world was crushed and suspected he cheated, although he wouldn't admit it. I poured my heart and soul into making him want me again, and our marriage proceeded. Fast forward 3 years. My husband feel into the same pattern of ignoring me, telling me he wasn't happy, etc. So I, purely unintentionally, found a friendship with someone overseas. I guess you could call it an emotional relationship. Had the opportunity to meet him, and I did. Really bad choice on my part, and something I'm not proud of. My husband found out and we went through major counseling and our marriage was amazing for a few years. I finally could see myself with him for the rest of my life. Then, he became distant again. He expected me to provide him with all of my passwords, including phone and e-mail. I did, happily because I had nothing to hide. He refused to do the same for me. In the meantime, over the past few years, he started drinking heavily. And would get drunk every weekend and lash out at me. Saying, "I'm only with you because of our daughter" and "you're the reason I drink", blah, blah. About a month ago I stumbled upon a text message from a girl that he met when he was out of town. I confronted him. He said he didn't know what he wanted, and refused to cut contact off with the girl. I begged to go to counseling again, wanted to attempt to work it out, but he said no. So, we got separated. Now he wants me back. Won't stop calling, texting...borderline harassment. But I have gone numb. I need space to figure things out and he won't give it to me. He keeps hounding me about giving him an answer about potentially reuniting, but I can't. I don't know what I want. And in the mean time have been dating. I'm so confused. In my heart, I know my marriage is a terrible cycle that needs to be broken. But I'm afraid of losing my life and my daughter to divorce. And, he's still drinking heavily, another issue I'm not ready to get back into. Thoughts? Suggestions?
Minnie09 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 You had every right to leave him....and even though your ea was a crappy choice, he cheated too, after all, and wasn't remorseful about it all all. Your first reconciliation happened, because YOU put every possible effort into your M, while he just went along without putting too much into it. The second time - same thing. He's apparently a cheater and won't stop his ****ty behavior. That's why you left him. Never forget why you left. He wants you back now because he probably got dumped by whatever ow he was currently seeing, maybe due to his drinking, and now he wants you to put up with it, because no one else is giving him attention right now. Plus, you're dating, and that really pusses him off, because he thinks he's the only one who's entitled to do so. Why are you even reluctant to get a divorce? What do you have to lose? What will your daughter lose? You can hope that if you coparent, he'll not be drinking when he's with dd, but if you stay with him, he'll still be drinking and cheating, as soon as some other chick makes herself available for some time, and your daughter will be exposed to that behavior 24/7. Not cool. He hasn't shown you that he's willing to change and be that better person, why do you think he will now? He will move in with you, feel secure, and go back to his old routine.*
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