irc333 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Not bashing single parents at all here.....but I have a lady friend of mine who is in a serious relationship with a guy, I met him....real nice guy. THing is though.....they only see each other every other weekend. Since he has the kids for the weekend, they only see each other alternating weekends. And he lives very local, so there's nothing geographically challenging them. So is it true that sometimes if someone has their kids for a weekend, you won't be able to go out with them?
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 So is it true that sometimes if someone has their kids for a weekend, you won't be able to go out with them? Okay then, I'll bite. Yes, it's absolutely true. Sometimes, if someone has their kids for a weekend, you won't be able to go out with them. However, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday might be ok. And not all weekends will involve them having their kids for a weekend. So some weekends, your luck will be in. And maybe, if you crawl up the 'casual dating' ladder and hit the 'this is getting serious' rung, you may even eventually be allowed to 'share' these weekends with the kids, but while you're simply dating, the kids take priority. Always. Happy now? Stupid question. Sensible answer. I'm sure you could have worked it out yourself. 1
Author irc333 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Hm, yeah, I probably wouldn't date someone with really YOUNG kids, which they are always having to be monitored, fed, etc. I'm more into dating single parents where their kids are in Jr High or higher....at that age, they start to date and just want to be left alone. lol Okay then, I'll bite. Yes, it's absolutely true. Sometimes, if someone has their kids for a weekend, you won't be able to go out with them. However, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday might be ok. And not all weekends will involve them having their kids for a weekend. So some weekends, your luck will be in. And maybe, if you crawl up the 'casual dating' ladder and hit the 'this is getting serious' rung, you may even eventually be allowed to 'share' these weekends with the kids, but while you're simply dating, the kids take priority. Always. Happy now? Stupid question. Sensible answer. I'm sure you could have worked it out yourself.
todreaminblue Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Not bashing single parents at all here.....but I have a lady friend of mine who is in a serious relationship with a guy, I met him....real nice guy. THing is though.....they only see each other every other weekend. Since he has the kids for the weekend, they only see each other alternating weekends. And he lives very local, so there's nothing geographically challenging them. So is it true that sometimes if someone has their kids for a weekend, you won't be able to go out with them? i dont think you wouldnt eb abel to go out with them, weekend sleep overs are normally out ...then again some women dont mind...i would......as tara said when you get to know them it would become sharing time with the crowd.....my children arent really children anymore teens and adults....i decided as a personal choice not to date for many years partly because of them partly because i wasnt ready to date...i feel most single mums will dat e when they are ready to date...having younger children makes it harder....but single mums have as much right to enjoy the company of adults as dates, as the next person...baby sitters family friends fro a night otu occasionally away from the confines of mother hood si actually a bit of a blessing...especially when they listen to teen speak 24 7...yolo...lol...pmsl........so if they really want to date and spend time with someone they enjoy spending time with....they will...speaking of my daughter just peeked over my shoulder and seen the song i was listening to, she was listening to the same song.....in her room....sigh...sometimes single parents needs some time to recoup to live to fight and love another day....and a night to relax...a night off does not a neglectful parent make......deb
salparadise Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 There are too many variables to nail it all down with simple answer, but generally speaking, if you get attached to someone with kids, you're dating life would be according to their schedule and subject to changes on short notice all the time. I dated someone in a LDR who had teenage kids, and I have a teenage kid. It just so happened that we had the same weekends on and off, so it worked ok. We saw a lot of each other considering that and the distance. So it's possible but you must understand the limitations. Then I dated another woman briefly, local, who had a son that was a senior in high school. This should've been no big deal since he had transportation and was old enough to be quite independent. But every damn time we'd go out that f*cking kid would call her cellphone, and as a good mom she felt obliged to take the call. He'd ask, mommy when will you be home? So after had happened a few times, we were at a restaurant that was not cheap and there was live music just beginning. The kid calls and she responds that she'll be home in about 30 minutes. I was so annoyed that I asked the waiter for the check, paid it, and quickly took her home. That was the last she heard from me. So the point is that kids complicate dating but it depends as much on the woman as the kids as to how well it can potentially work. The good thing about younger kids is that you can get a baby sitter and have them put to bed at their normal time and enjoy the date since the kids have no clue what's going on. With older kids you have to deal with how they feel, and maybe act out, about mommy dating
Author irc333 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Then I dated another woman briefly, local, who had a son that was a senior in high school. This should've been no big deal since he had transportation and was old enough to be quite independent. But every damn time we'd go out that f*cking kid would call her cellphone, and as a good mom she felt obliged to take the call. He'd ask, mommy when will you be home? So after had happened a few times, we were at a restaurant that was not cheap and there was live music just beginning. The kid calls and she responds that she'll be home in about 30 minutes. I was so annoyed that I asked the waiter for the check, paid it, and quickly took her home. That was the last she heard from me. Right, there are somethings I will tolerate. But there wast his one single mother....that I had a hard time dating, because she had a daughter that was the "popular one" in Jr. High. SHe had a lot of friends, so her mother was always ferrying around her and her friends in the min-van on a constant basis AND.......sometimes the kid wouldn't want to be at the father's house.....usually because her Mom's apt complex had a pool....and she'd want to have her friends over to go swimming. So sometimes, even it may BE the father's turn to have the child, the child might have control over that situation. And the mother was pretty much catering to her daughter's whim. So you're in direct competition to the kids soccer practice, theater rehearsals, etc etc. and of course the kids social life to where the parent would have none whatsoever. So I had to say good bye to that situation. When they say, "It depends on my child's schedule at school or scouts" Forget it.
Author irc333 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 I also knew of a guy, early 30's was dating a single mother that had a pain int he arse daughter that would try to drive a wedge between them by being a brat. He's STILL with her, (who knows why)...he's a mid-Western guy, no kids, never married...and he's having to deal with that bratty mess.
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Right, there are somethings I will tolerate. But there wast his one single mother....that I had a hard time dating, because she had a daughter that was the "popular one" in Jr. High. SHe had a lot of friends, so her mother was always ferrying around her and her friends in the min-van on a constant basis AND.......sometimes the kid wouldn't want to be at the father's house.....usually because her Mom's apt complex had a pool....and she'd want to have her friends over to go swimming. So sometimes, even it may BE the father's turn to have the child, the child might have control over that situation. And the mother was pretty much catering to her daughter's whim. So you're in direct competition to the kids soccer practice, theater rehearsals, etc etc. and of course the kids social life to where the parent would have none whatsoever. So I had to say good bye to that situation. When they say, "It depends on my child's schedule at school or scouts" Forget it. I hate to say this, but this example without merit. It's a good example, but it has no point. The woman as you said was 'catering to her whims', and she allowed her daughter to remove herself from her father's life simply because her mom had acces to a pool. I don't know about you, but i want a family one day, and i may end up dating a woman with a child ... that to me means that she is not the kind of woman i would want in my life if she allows something like this. It may hurt someone's feelings but that's how I see it. So it's not like you lost much.
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Too many parents these days treat their kids more like pets than people whom are expected to grow up and be independent adults. The problem is compounded when split families end up essentially competing for the kid's affections, which they will work whenever they have the opportunity. Then we get to deal with them when the enter the workplace or university and they expect this same coddling. WAKE UP CALL!!! I don't know if I'd rule out dating a man with kids, because I really do like kids and think I could be a good example... but they'd have to have a good relationship with the ex and I'd have to like the kid as a person. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 she had a daughter that was the "popular one" in Jr. High. SHe had a lot of friends, so her mother was always ferrying around her and her friends in the min-van on a constant basis AND.......sometimes the kid wouldn't want to be at the father's house.....usually because her Mom's apt complex had a pool....and she'd want to have her friends over to go swimming. So sometimes, even it may BE the father's turn to have the child, the child might have control over that situation. And the mother was pretty much catering to her daughter's whim./QUOTE] I also knew of a guy, early 30's was dating a single mother that had a pain int he arse daughter that would try to drive a wedge between them by being a brat. He's STILL with her, (who knows why)...he's a mid-Western guy, no kids, never married...and he's having to deal with that bratty mess. Both these examples are redundant and pointless. This isn't about having children. This is about poor parenting skills. In these cases, the kids are not the issue. The parents are. So in fact, you weren't dating a mom with a petulant daughter. You were dating a woman who couldn't apply the correct skills. Not the kid's issue. Definitely the mother's. Your 'guy friend' took on his GF's unfortunate behaviour. She obviously has no definable boundaries. Maybe he's setting them in for her and dealing with it. In any case it's a courageous thing to do, if he's still with her. he obviously sees qualities in the woman that he appreciates and likes. Maybe the girl needs a firmer (male) presence. It does her good. 3
soccerrprp Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 irc333, i've aways wondered: how old are you? and do you get out much? dated much? your questions seem rather peculiar and can't help that you are really young and inexperienced with life, in general. anyway, I am a single parent with a 5-yr old and 8-yr old. dating is difficult at best and draining trying to juggle the SO and the kids. i try to date other ladies with children and depending on her arrangement with her child(ren), it can be a logistical nightmare at times, especially early on. but, if you really want it to work, you do. i've dated where I only saw my friend every other weekend, but tried to meet up for lunch during the week to compensate and take full advantage of the time we did have. 2
Soxfaninfl Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) So is it true that sometimes if someone has their kids for a weekend, you won't be able to go out with them? This is correct. You don't want a revolving door of significant others meeting your kids. You should only introduce a gf/bf to your kids once things get serious. I will wait 4 to 6 months depending on how serious the relationship is getting, and if I see a future with this person. I don't want my son getting attached to someone and vice versa unless I know that I feel I have a future with this person. My son has only met one of my girlfriends since my divorce. I have dated four women since my divorce. Edited March 16, 2013 by Soxfaninfl 2
xxoo Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I also knew of a guy, early 30's was dating a single mother that had a pain int he arse daughter that would try to drive a wedge between them by being a brat. He's STILL with her, (who knows why)...he's a mid-Western guy, no kids, never married...and he's having to deal with that bratty mess. Maybe they got past that stage? Kids will act out and regress when stressed (dealing with changes in family structure). But with good boundaries and patience, it usually improves.
salparadise Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I don't know if I'd rule out dating a man with kids, because I really do like kids and think I could be a good example... but they'd have to have a good relationship with the ex and I'd have to like the kid as a person. This is an interesting statement RR... you must be pretty young if you're answering only in the hypothetical. Kids are a fact of life when dating after a certain age, and they can be something of an obstacle to work around. But to say that they'd have to have a good relationship with the ex and that you'd have to like the kid too just seems naive to me. First, people get divorced because they can't get along with the ex, or he/she is a nut case, so having a good relationship with the ex is often an on/off proposition. Secondly, you aren't dating the kid and how would you even know if you liked the kid before getting established in a relationship with the parent? I would never, never, never introduce my kid to someone I'm dating until many months into a relationship and then only after having determined that it had serious long-term potential. Kids should not be subjected to the emotional roller coaster of dating, and they will get attached if they spend time with a person. They'll start having fantasies, hopes, worries and so forth about what life is going to be like with the new person. It's just not right. I've been divorced three years and have dated several people. My daughter only met one of them and in the year and a half we were together they spent no more than about three hours in each other's presence, which was plenty. You can gain a lot of insight into a person by observing how they deal with kids and ex's, but if you're going to make it conditional on the things you said, you'd probably be better off staying away from single parents altogether.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 To be honest up until this point I've only dated women with no kids. As a single parent I feel that childless women will never get what I go through as a parent unless they have kids of their own. So I feel it's better to date women with kids going forward. They understand that your kids will always come first.
salparadise Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 To be honest up until this point I've only dated women with no kids. As a single parent I feel that childless women will never get what I go through as a parent unless they have kids of their own. So I feel it's better to date women with kids going forward. They understand that your kids will always come first. Yes, I agree. Good insight. Only a parent knows what it's like to be a parent, and only another parent is likely to understand how it's both separate and integrated. People with no kids, and especially people who've never been married and have no kids, are probably going to annoyed that they're not always the first priority. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Yes, I agree. Good insight. Only a parent knows what it's like to be a parent, and only another parent is likely to understand how it's both separate and integrated. People with no kids, and especially people who've never been married and have no kids, are probably going to annoyed that they're not always the first priority. Salparadise, I couldn't have said it better myself. Great post!
Treasa Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I could totally date a single father. I really, REALLY enjoy my time alone or with friends, so I'd be down with this. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 When i was with my ex he had his son sometimes Friday nights, Saturdays and half a day Sunday and so those days were off limits because he wasn't ready for me to meet him. He also would have him Weds, Thurs, and half a day Friday... It was alternating weeks. It was hard but we didn't break up because of that. 1
pyramid Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I have my kid full-time and he's only met 2 of the guys I've dated. There are pros and cons to dating single dads. I definitely like having time "off" where I can spend time with my kid or my friends. If it's an every-other-weekend thing, I understand that they don't want to get a babysitter for the few nights they have with their kids. If it's 50/50 split, then I'd expect them to get a sitter or arrange sleepovers once in a while. But yeah, it's double the scheduling conflicts. Guys without kids are hit or miss. Some are more understanding than others about babysitter/scheduling/logistical issues. I do my best to make it a non-issue, but life happens. After I've been seeing someone for a while, I will invite them to come over after my kid is asleep and we'll hang out, talk, watch a movie or whatever. At that point my son usually knows the guy's name and that he's my friend, but they haven't met. I don't hide the fact that I'm dating, although I frame it as making new friends. Kiddo would pretty much rather do anything than go to a nice restaurant, so he's more than happy to play xbox & eat pizza with a babysitter.
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