Sweeetie Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) I have a new but already close friend, she's 18 and I'm 23, a but like a big sister to her. We get on very well and live together in a catered student residence; it serves breakfast and dinner. She is a ballerina, she goes to a dance college, and she is new to the country; just moved here 6 months ago. Lately, she confessed to me that she has always had an eating disorder. She didn't say which one it is but since we always dine together, observation suggests to me that it is anorexia. She is very extreme with her eating; she avoids all carbohydrates and fats and just has vegetables for lunch and dinner (her lunchbox which she arranges for college contains only 2 big carrots every day). She said that the extent she goes to with carbs is "pasta once a week". I have always respected her choices and have seldom commented on them because she's headstrong and knows exactly what she wants. The one time I said "But being a dancer don't you think you ought to eat more carbs? It's putting a lot of stress on your body" she said "I know but I don't care if I'm damaging myself, as long as I lose weight! Haha." She just laughed it off. This week she told me she has been getting tired a lot because she is not eating enough. This is clearly because her work involves dancing for 8 hours a day and all she has is vegetables. Yesterday she said she felt as if she would almost faint in dance class, the teacher even asked her to take a break and sit down because she looked so pale. So I think she is starting to realise the consequences, but she doesn't care because she is so determined to lose weight even though she is a skinny girl. I've started trying to make her see logic in a clever way, by saying "I've started going to the gym every day and I'm eating healthy but normally(she sees what I eat at dinnertime which are always healthy balanced meals), I'm not getting tired all, and I even managed to fit into a dress that was always too small for me when I tried it on again today! You don't need to go to such extremities to lose weight; if you get tired you won't be able to exercise much anyway." What else can I do to help her? Edited March 16, 2013 by Sweeetie
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Get her to see a counsellor, and contact her ballet school. Tell them she is subjecting herself to an eating disorder.... Ballet dancers have to be thin, light, trim and extremely athletic. She sees the 'I must stay thin' bit, but it's become an obsession. The eating disorder masks something else which is seriously wrong. Incidentally, anorexics lack zinc, which is also encourages a healthy appetite... and vitamin B12 particularly. Seriously - first of all tell her ballet school. And tell them she probably needs counselling. But demand they keep this anonymous. And see if you can get her to agree to counselling. This is NOT your problem, there's no rhyme or reason why you should take this on - so do what you must, but don't overly involve yourself. And if you can - tell her parents, too. She needs help. 4
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Anorexia long term can giver her major heart problems. So pls do what TM said. She might end up hating you for a while, but you might be saving her life. 2
Author Sweeetie Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you guys, I really appreciate your advice. But telling her school is not something that I can do because I am sworn to secrecy about this. I am the only person she has ever told about her eating disorder, that is how much she trusts me. I just have to do everything I can to try to alleviate it away from her, while keeping her trust.
sweetkiwi Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you guys, I really appreciate your advice. But telling her school is not something that I can do because I am sworn to secrecy about this. I am the only person she has ever told about her eating disorder, that is how much she trusts me. I just have to do everything I can to try to alleviate it away from her, while keeping her trust. Many young women are in both of your situations right now. She has a long road ahead of her but if you DON'T tell someone then she will end up in the hospital or dead. I have seen this happen to a very close friend. You MUST inform someone. I would rather have her be initially mad and getting help than dead with MY secret safe. You aren't doing her any favors by hiding it with her. 3
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you guys, I really appreciate your advice. But telling her school is not something that I can do because I am sworn to secrecy about this. I am the only person she has ever told about her eating disorder, that is how much she trusts me. I just have to do everything I can to try to alleviate it away from her, while keeping her trust. Untill she's made to confront this she won't change. It's either her being 'mad' or her heart failing very early on. Health Risks of Anorexia I suspect i had a light form of an eating disorder OP. I used to eat when i was stressed. I can still follow the thoughts in my mind; stress the thought of hunger immediately pops up. Now i drink water [used to be Cola ... 2.5l of the stuff every day].
Charlene78 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 She needs to see either a doctor, psychologist or therapist with expertise in the field of eating disorders. Anorexia is often caused by underlying psychological problems, so there is no other way to recovery than by seeking professional help.
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Her being a ballerina doesn't help this either. It's a tough business, like modeling, eating disorders go hand in and in with this. She has an image that she needs to keep, physically. She does need to eat more but she won't until something happens to her heath wise and scares her enough to do something about it. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you guys, I really appreciate your advice. But telling her school is not something that I can do because I am sworn to secrecy about this. I am the only person she has ever told about her eating disorder, that is how much she trusts me. I just have to do everything I can to try to alleviate it away from her, while keeping her trust. Forgive my bluntness, but stop and think of how stupid this is, and ask yourself: Will her parents thank me for being such a good friend to her, when she's lying in hospital, on a drip and life-support machine, and I tell them, "I always knew she had this problem, but she made me promise not to tell...."....? Somehow, i don't think they'll be brimming over with gratitude, as they look down on their emaciated daughter, do you? I'm sorry - I don't consider this to be a suitable candidate for an "I promise I won't tell anybody" moment.... if you cherish the health and well-being of your friend - then you must tell someone. Hell, if she collapses from malnutrition, they'll know anyway - but by then it may be too late for them to do anything..... 1
FitChick Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I suspect i had a light form of an eating disorder OP. I used to eat when i was stressed. I can still follow the thoughts in my mind; stress the thought of hunger immediately pops up. Now i drink water [used to be Cola ... 2.5l of the stuff every day]. People forget that obesity is an eating disorder as well.
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