nessaaa Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Ohhhhhhhh em geee Not cool not cool not cool... Shes gonnna trip balls. I had this happen to me
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Unnecessary drama. It's not a material lie. Just be sure not to tell any more. Keep dating her and see where things go. If you are still dating after a couple of months, then tell her. Do not make some big production over it with lots of windup. Bring up a general age gap discussion and preface it with, "Do you have any problems with me being older than you?" She should say no. Then say, "you know I'm 35 right? it's a X year gap, just want to make sure you are fine with that." Make it about the gap itself to deflect from your lie. In all likelihood she won't even notice and in all likelihood she has forgotten what you first told her by then. If she hasn't, and makes a big deal, keep making it about the age gap itself and say you understand whatever she says. If on the off chance she sticks on the age lie. Say, "I understand, and haven't lied to you otherwise. Is that a big issue for you?" Do not apologize more than once. She should take your cue as to it not being a big deal. If you make it a big deal and act all contrite and guilty though, she will likely magnify it also. On the off chance she keeps hammering, simply say, "I've apologized and hope we can move on, can we?" Keep things light and flirty, don't get bogged down. Another possible tactic is to catch her in a white lie or even manufacture one and treat it humorously. "You said you would call me when you got in and didn't." "You said you would be here at 8 and its 9" and use that as leverage, "well I don't like being lied to, it's NBD in this case, but I have a confession too" that sort of thing. Take a small wrong thing she has done, it can be anything, and use that to segue into your fessing up.Good luck. You know, if I posted a story from this girl's perspective, you'd be calling him a liar, manipulator, and gas-lighter, and would be telling me to open my eyes and be smart. It's so disappointing to see this sort of thing actually encouraged. Treat people how you'd want to be treated. A little lie about WHO YOU ARE is a huge lie, and clearly only sets the foundation for even bigger problems and "tactics." 2
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I guess my bigger concern is I want to date her friend and her friend thinks I'm 32. How do I clear this up? That's not gonna happen. Once the girl you're dating finds out that you lied about your age and are now after her friend, she'll clue the friend in on your true character, and the friend will stay faaaaar away from you, as she should. 2
Author Breck Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 That's not gonna happen. Once the girl you're dating finds out that you lied about your age and are now after her friend, she'll clue the friend in on your true character, and the friend will stay faaaaar away from you, as she should. Star Gazer. Stop being so judgmental. Forgiveness is the most powerful form of love. If her friend can't forgive me that says a lot about her heart and character.
anne1707 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Star Gazer. Stop being so judgmental. Forgiveness is the most powerful form of love. If her friend can't forgive me that says a lot about her heart and character. No. It actually says a lot about you in that you expect her friend to prioritise you for luuurvvve when you have hurt her friend 2
Kamille Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I guess my bigger concern is I want to date her friend and her friend thinks I'm 32. How do I clear this up? You're getting more entertaining at every post Breck. 2
Phoebe Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I'll keep this quick. I met a 25 year old girl at the bar. She was really interested in me. I just broke up and was open to a one night stand. I told her I was 32. I didn't care if it lasted beyond that night. She turned out to be a really cool girl. We started dating. We've dated countless times and she's wondering what the hold up is (why we're not official). I'm 35 and I don't know how to tell her my real age without her feeling mislead/lied to. I want to start a relationship with this girl and that is the only lie (though a big one) that I've told. I guess my bigger concern is I want to date her friend and her friend thinks I'm 32. How do I clear this up? Star Gazer. Stop being so judgmental. Forgiveness is the most powerful form of love. If her friend can't forgive me that says a lot about her heart and character. You have little to no chance of dating her friend but I don't think it has anything to do with her capacity for forgiveness. Neither should it say anything negative about her "heart and character".The girl you are dating obviously likes you a lot if she wants to make it official with you. Who do you think she's going to cry to when the two of you stop dating? And you think her friend is going to want to date you after that? The biggest obstacle to you dating this other girl isn't the lie about your age, it's the fact that she's friends with the girl you're currently dating. I also highly doubt that your age was the only thing you lied about. The more manipulative and blame shifting the advice that was given in this thread was the more you liked it...and you can't even keep your own story straight in this thread.
dasein Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 You are right... women can learn a lot from both of you. End of today's lesson... I certainly don't need a lesson with respect to lying about age from a woman. I don't need a lesson with respect to attempting to blameshift when caught in the wrong from a woman. And I most assuredly do not need a lesson about "deception" generally from creatures who wake up and apply paint to their faces every day of the world. But your kind intent is duly noted. End of today's lesson.
Kamille Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I certainly don't need a lesson with respect to lying about age from a woman. I don't need a lesson with respect to attempting to blameshift when caught in the wrong from a woman. And I most assuredly do not need a lesson about "deception" generally from creatures who wake up and apply paint to their faces every day of the world. But your kind intent is duly noted. End of today's lesson. Straws. Almost... within... your grasp. 3
dasein Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Straws. Almost... within... your grasp. No. Game... set... match. I really, really don't need to see lots of lectures and hand-wringing from women directed at a guy who understated his age by three years. Really. And OP, despite the blast of malarkey you are receiving in this thread, will remind you of some things you already know, and everyone posting to this board knows. 1. Lying is wrong, whether it's slight or a whopper, but in actuality we all do it. Everyone in this thread has lied, and lied many times. We are especially prone to white lies in the process of meeting new people. The lie can be overt, or a lie of material omission. 2. One particular lie that many women to this day tell is about their age. They will not disclose it until long in the future, IF EVER. If you find out about it, and say anything about it, they WILL start a howling blameshift rationalizing fest in an effort to make you inthenthitive for even bringing it up. I have friends who didn't know their wife's real age until they got married. So in essence, with this particular kind of lie, especially one of only 3 years, weasel out of it any way you can, honestly, dishonestly, manipulatively, just don't compound the lie with others. Serves em right, and any woman, or anyone else who has ever told a white lie or misrepresented themselves, or even bragged to an exaggerated degree, who thinks otherwise is a plain, stone cold hypocrite.
dasein Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) You know, if I posted a story from this girl's perspective, you'd be calling him a liar, manipulator, and gas-lighter, and would be telling me to open my eyes and be smart. No, my advice to a woman in OP's situation, would be .... because the thread would never exist. People would laugh at a woman fretting over lying about her age by three years in our culture. No? Tell me then, in all your time here have you ever seen a thread by a female poster concerned about a three year age lie? I haven't, not one, but have seen most every other crazy ass thing under the sun here. "What's the big deal? women have been lying about their age for eons, men know this. Tell him or not, doesn't matter. Just don't tell any more lies." would be my exact advice to a woman who had lied about her age by 3 years. EDIT: One other thing counselor, the difference between this type of lie and the lie monkey boy told you is in the reliance you made to your detriment, promissory estoppel essentially. No one could reasonably claim to rely on a mere three year age difference to their detriment, hence such small age lies are less damaging than other kinds. Edited March 17, 2013 by dasein
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I certainly don't need a lesson with respect to lying about age from a woman. I don't need a lesson with respect to attempting to blameshift when caught in the wrong from a woman. And I most assuredly do not need a lesson about "deception" generally from creatures who wake up and apply paint to their faces every day of the world. But your kind intent is duly noted. End of today's lesson. You're talking to me, critter... not 'women'... get it straight before I spank you again...
dasein Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 You're talking to me, critter... not 'women'... get it straight before I spank you again... I'm sorry, thought you were a woman from your avatar, my bad.
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I'm sorry, thought you were a woman from your avatar, my bad. and we thought you were a man too... guess not.
dasein Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 and we thought you were a man too... guess not. Flattered that you have spent some time thinking about me in that context, estimating my manliness, but don't really use this board to meet people or date. Thanks just the same though.
iKING Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 get it straight before I spank you again... Whoa.. What kind of thread did I just walk in on? 2
dasein Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Whoa.. What kind of thread did I just walk in on? Bunch of hens pecking away at an OP rooster unnecessarily.
Anela Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Star Gazer. Stop being so judgmental. Forgiveness is the most powerful form of love. If her friend can't forgive me that says a lot about her heart and character. Are you serious? You've lied to this girl, now you want to date her friend?? and you're questioning her character? Bunch of hens pecking away at an OP rooster unnecessarily. Doesn't seem like it to me. 2
Star Gazer Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 No, my advice to a woman in OP's situation, would be .... because the thread would never exist. People would laugh at a woman fretting over lying about her age by three years in our culture. You TOTALLY didn't get what I was saying. I said imagine I came here and posted from THIS GIRL's perspective: "Dude lied to me about his age, for two months, and now he's trying to make it my fault that he lied!" You'd be alllllll over that telling me he's a jerk, a liar, a manipulator.
40 Fonzarelli Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Im guilty of this too when im at at bars and clubs. But 3 yr difference is no big deal.
dasein Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) You TOTALLY didn't get what I was saying. I said imagine I came here and posted from THIS GIRL's perspective: "Dude lied to me about his age, for two months, and now he's trying to make it my fault that he lied!" You'd be alllllll over that telling me he's a jerk, a liar, a manipulator. Oh OK, but -no- I would not, because if OP does it right, the way I would, she would never realize she'd been bamboozled. Honestly, I'd ask her how he treats her otherwise? has he lied before? and then tell her to go by those things yaddayadda as opposed to going off on him, but be wary of other lies. I might call him mildly manipulative, and acting immature, but if that's the only instance of wrongdoing, it's just not that big a deal. Because back to the EDIT about promissory estoppel, most of the bad lies that posters post about here are things they rely on and change their own habits, realize detriment. It's really difficult to conceive of how a mere 3 yr age lie could cause much detriment to someone. Especially as it was told on first meeting in a bar. I just don't think first meeting lies that can't be relied on to detriment are that big a deal, no matter who tells them of what gender. Have had women tell me they have a BF, and then after a few more minutes, "well you know the BF isn't serious, just really more like a guy I'm dating." That's lying! But I understand why they do it. I understand why people lie about their age or whatever when meeting new people. I tell women I'm an ant farmer, or a shepherd, or even real jobs I could actually be for humor effect. Have had women tell me false names, "this is Suzette and I am Juanita." IMO there's a mulligan effect on first meetings between strangers where harmless lies and puffery are concerned. EDIT, SG your guy told you that he only dates one person at a time, a hugely different thing than OP. He then blameshifted, not in a light funny way, but in a cruel way by claiming the reason for his lie was somehow because you yourself weren't appealing or keeping his attention. That's ****ing disgusting behavior, not at all like OP's situation. Edited March 17, 2013 by dasein 1
JMCOSU838 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I'm sorry... I must live on a different planet than you.... see, where I come from, people aren't obliged to continue hanging out with people who make up stuff to get past reasonable filters. I never said she was obliged to do anything. It's just my opinion that it's a mistake to break up with somebody because of one instance of minor bad judgement. Of course, the OP isn't doing me any favors by revealing himself to be kind of a douchebag, but I still stand by my original point. If I found out a girl I was seeing lied about her age, I'd be a little irritated, but as long as something like it didn't happen again, I would get over it.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Her friend will never date you, lie or no lie. Friends don't date each other exs - at least not in my circles. 2
mortensorchid Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 THis is why one should not lie about things. SInce you are in the situation you are now, I would mention it casually. Just like "Oh yeah, that night we met, I might have fudged my age." Just say you had a few too many and you might have said something else. SHe might understand, she might not. But you lied about it, and you have to face that.
Author Breck Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Well. She didn't take it well! She never wants to talk to me again. I was honest with her. Told her I wanted to date her friend and my real age. I tried to say it in passing, like no big deal, I'm 35, and I may have been dating you when I meant to be dating your friend. I tried to play it cool. She blew the conversation up. Kinda hard to downplay it when she is flipping out. Man, it never pays to be honest, but I guess I feel better knowing I did the right thing. I haven't asked her friend out yet. Figured I'd wait a day or two.
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