Author Breck Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 I appreciate the advice. I think I'll text her that this isn't working because she's too young. If she defends herself and says that age shouldn't be the issue, then I'll tell her I'm really 35. If she goes along with splitting up, then there is no need to tell her my age. Problem solved.
soccerrprp Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I appreciate the advice. I think I'll text her that this isn't working because she's too young. If she defends herself and says that age shouldn't be the issue, then I'll tell her I'm really 35. If she goes along with splitting up, then there is no need to tell her my age. Problem solved. Okay, hold on here... So, you're going to use the line that "you're too young for me" for a seven year difference in the hope that she will say that it's not a problem? Then tell her that you're 35? So, is the 10-yr difference an issue with you or not? If so, then you should simply cut it off regardless of her reaction. If not, then you're creating another false pretense to determine whether the relationship should continue. Right? So, if she says that it's okay that you lied and that you're 10-yr difference is okay, then you will continue with the relationship? This goes back to my second paragraph... Good luck.
MJGeorgia Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Tell her the next time you see her. She should understand. I went on a date with a man who said he was 40 (I am 30) on our first date he said he needed to tell me something. He said he is not 40 he is actually 47. We are 16 years apart. I told him it was no big deal and that I was glad he told me his real age. He even pulled out his driver license to show me. I thought by looking at him when we first went out he looked older than 40 but didn't tell him. Tonight we are going on our 4th date. I could tell he was older than he said because his hair was more grey than it should have been for a 40 year old since my ex husband will be 40 in May. I told him being 47 is no big deal to me since my ex boyfriend is 43. The reason I was ok with the lie is that he ended up being honest about it and that I really like him. If this girl feels the same about you as I do this man she should take it the same way I did. The man I am dating knocked 7 years off his age at least you only knocked off 3 years.
EasyHeart Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Geez, quit playing games and just tell her. I was in the same situation. Heck, the ages were even the same. I told her I was 32 (I was really 40) and she told me she was 25. When things got serious, I fessed up. Instead of being mad, she started laughing hysterically and told me she had lied about her age, too. She was really 19!! We dated for 3+ years and she's still one of my best friends. Don't be an idiot and try to play stupid mind games. 1
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) I appreciate the advice. I think I'll text her that this isn't working because she's too young. If she defends herself and says that age shouldn't be the issue, then I'll tell her I'm really 35. If she goes along with splitting up, then there is no need to tell her my age. Problem solved. That's a pretty immature way to handle the situation and confess about your lie. Edited March 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
MJGeorgia Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Okay, hold on here... So, you're going to use the line that "you're too young for me" for a seven year difference in the hope that she will say that it's not a problem? Then tell her that you're 35? So, is the 10-yr difference an issue with you or not? If so, then you should simply cut it off regardless of her reaction. If not, then you're creating another false pretense to determine whether the relationship should continue. Right? So, if she says that it's okay that you lied and that you're 10-yr difference is okay, then you will continue with the relationship? This goes back to my second paragraph... Good luck. Just because he would say "you're too young for me" doesn't mean he means it. The guy I am dating has said that to me twice he'd feel better off as friends and I should date someone my own age. He said that after our first & second date. We are going out on fourth date tonight and we all ready have a fifth date planned. I know the guy I am going with didn't mean it.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I appreciate the advice. I think I'll text her that this isn't working because she's too young. If she defends herself and says that age shouldn't be the issue, then I'll tell her I'm really 35. If she goes along with splitting up, then there is no need to tell her my age. Problem solved. Yikes! I was going to respond to a question and add other suggestions to this thread, but after seeing this I realize it's just pointless. The goal is to play games not seriously pursue a relationship. For the record to all those posters who seem to think that everyone dating lies: They all don't. In particular, those looking for something serious generally don't. This thread is the perfect example why they don't. It comes back to bite you in the arse when you try to go the distance.
Emissary Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 OP, the sooner you tell her the truth, the better. Sure a 10 year age gap might have been a deal breaker in the early going...but lying is generally always a deal breaker. Im sure she coulda got over the 10 year thing better than the lying thing. Why is a man in his mid 20s sniffing around high schoolers ??? I hope 17 was the legal age of majority wherever you live. I'm Canadian, age of consent is 16 here. I'm not sniffing around high Schoolers, she is a regular customer of mine at work. She's mature for her age and it came as a surprise to everybody at work that she was still in school. She's effectively emancipated and lives on her own, she's an adult and I treat her like one as she deserves.
SJC2008 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I have to laugh... I dunno OP... what else are you lying about? Because if there is more you need to spill it all now. (Need to add...Ladies, this is why you don't hook up with guys at bars...) We know you wouldn't of gotten duped as a first date prerequisite are drivers license, credit report and dental records! 1
ja123 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I appreciate the advice. I think I'll text her that this isn't working because she's too young. If she defends herself and says that age shouldn't be the issue, then I'll tell her I'm really 35. If she goes along with splitting up, then there is no need to tell her my age. Problem solved. You're just cutting off your nose to spite your face with that kind of thinking. In other words, you think you'll be rejected by telling the truth, so you'd rather reject her first. In your OP, you state how much you like the girl. So give it a chance. Tell her, apologize, then the ball is in her court. If you come out and say she's too young (that's deflecting your own feeling of being too old onto her, btw), that is a lie. You don't feel that the age difference is an issue. So, you'll end up insulting her ... for what? Your pride? Your fear? Just tell her, man, and apologize.
anne1707 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I appreciate the advice. I think I'll text her that this isn't working because she's too young. If she defends herself and says that age shouldn't be the issue, then I'll tell her I'm really 35. If she goes along with splitting up, then there is no need to tell her my age. Problem solved. This would actually suggest to me that you are the one who is too young to have a serious relationship. This is a very immature way of dealing with a problem you created. 4
Kamille Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I appreciate the advice. I think I'll text her that this isn't working because she's too young. If she defends herself and says that age shouldn't be the issue, then I'll tell her I'm really 35. If she goes along with splitting up, then there is no need to tell her my age. Problem solved. Ok, so your modus operandi is manipulation. You would rather hurt her and manipulate her emotions than actually admit you messed up. Guess you don't care about her all that much after all. 4
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Thank you Breck, for your presence on the forums today. Women are constantly think they are "mature" enough to date older men, and then this is what the "mature" man does. They think that because they date older, that somehow they are more mature themselves when the reality is older guy is just more immature. Honestly that's the truth in my opinion, instead of the other way around. I'm sure she's telling her friends how mature she is, and dating an older guy and that age is just a number lol, little does she know, man i wish I could expose more of this side to women in greater depth, but know it's always the "other guy", you're just "internet strange", you don't count...they might wake up. You're a coward Breck, but you're exactly the kind of guy I'd expect you to be...so I don't hate ya. 6
dasein Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Unnecessary drama. It's not a material lie. Just be sure not to tell any more. Keep dating her and see where things go. If you are still dating after a couple of months, then tell her. Do not make some big production over it with lots of windup. Bring up a general age gap discussion and preface it with, "Do you have any problems with me being older than you?" She should say no. Then say, "you know I'm 35 right? it's a X year gap, just want to make sure you are fine with that." Make it about the gap itself to deflect from your lie. In all likelihood she won't even notice and in all likelihood she has forgotten what you first told her by then. If she hasn't, and makes a big deal, keep making it about the age gap itself and say you understand whatever she says. If on the off chance she sticks on the age lie. Say, "I understand, and haven't lied to you otherwise. Is that a big issue for you?" Do not apologize more than once. She should take your cue as to it not being a big deal. If you make it a big deal and act all contrite and guilty though, she will likely magnify it also. On the off chance she keeps hammering, simply say, "I've apologized and hope we can move on, can we?" Keep things light and flirty, don't get bogged down. Another possible tactic is to catch her in a white lie or even manufacture one and treat it humorously. "You said you would call me when you got in and didn't." "You said you would be here at 8 and its 9" and use that as leverage, "well I don't like being lied to, it's NBD in this case, but I have a confession too" that sort of thing. Take a small wrong thing she has done, it can be anything, and use that to segue into your fessing up.Good luck. 1
TheGuard13 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Just tell her the truth and let the chips fall where they may.
Author Breck Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Unnecessary drama. It's not a material lie. Just be sure not to tell any more. Keep dating her and see where things go. If you are still dating after a couple of months, then tell her. Do not make some big production over it with lots of windup. Bring up a general age gap discussion and preface it with, "Do you have any problems with me being older than you?" She should say no. Then say, "you know I'm 35 right? it's a X year gap, just want to make sure you are fine with that." Make it about the gap itself to deflect from your lie. In all likelihood she won't even notice and in all likelihood she has forgotten what you first told her by then. If she hasn't, and makes a big deal, keep making it about the age gap itself and say you understand whatever she says. If on the off chance she sticks on the age lie. Say, "I understand, and haven't lied to you otherwise. Is that a big issue for you?" Do not apologize more than once. She should take your cue as to it not being a big deal. If you make it a big deal and act all contrite and guilty though, she will likely magnify it also. On the off chance she keeps hammering, simply say, "I've apologized and hope we can move on, can we?" Keep things light and flirty, don't get bogged down. Another possible tactic is to catch her in a white lie or even manufacture one and treat it humorously. "You said you would call me when you got in and didn't." "You said you would be here at 8 and its 9" and use that as leverage, "well I don't like being lied to, it's NBD in this case, but I have a confession too" that sort of thing. Take a small wrong thing she has done, it can be anything, and use that to segue into your fessing up.Good luck. This is the kind of genius this board needs!!! Everyone can learn from you.
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 This is the kind of genius this board needs!!! Everyone can learn from you. You are right... women can learn a lot from both of you. Ladies?? Whaddya think? Next time a guy lies about something and tries to pin their dysfunction on you... whatcha gonna do? Walk, I hope. Oh, and do your homework before sleeping with the douchebag next time... starting with avoiding losers in bars....K? End of today's lesson... 5
Kamille Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 You are right... women can learn a lot from both of you. Ladies?? Whaddya think? Next time a guy lies about something and tries to pin their dysfunction on you... whatcha gonna do? And these are the same guys who wonder why they can never attract honest, trustworthy, loyal women. Drama-Kings. 1
neveragain34 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Sounds like she likes you and will be okay with it. This lie is much better than other possible ones. I would tell her casually, as if it's no biggie and has not been weighing on your mind. Next time you're out, say something like "so there's something kinda silly I was going to tell you the weekend we met and I never got around to it. Before I ask you to be my girlfriend tonight, you should probably know I'm 35....". She will be excited that you basically just asked her out and will also probably think it's cute that you felt you had to lie about something so minute. Good luck!
ja123 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Keep dating her and see where things go. If you are still dating after a couple of months, then tell her. Uh, NO! Tell her now! That's the ethical thing to do at this point. If you conceal it for longer, after you had your ah-ha moment to be honest, then you're really just a selfish coward. Man up, dude!
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) Based on your other thread, it looks like you're looking for an excuse to end it with her so you can hookup with her friend. How manipulative! Edited March 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add thread link
JMCOSU838 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Yes, it does. and naïve.... but since she is picking up guys at bars hoping it turns into a relationship... me thinks she's got some life lessons to learn. Anyway, the guy is supposedly 35. And he is still playing these pranks? Seriously. Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on this. She has every right to be upset about the lie, but I think it's a pretty ridiculous reason to break up with him. That just tells me that she wasn't really committed to the relationship to begin with.
soccerrprp Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on this. She has every right to be upset about the lie, but I think it's a pretty ridiculous reason to break up with him. That just tells me that she wasn't really committed to the relationship to begin with. ...or she's smart to be cautious about a guy who is willing to LIE from the onset, before a relationship was even in the making. Let's not also forget that the guy lied to get laid. Right? He had no intention of having a LTR in the first place. So, from the start, he was deceptive, manipulative and continues to try to convince himself that this is not a big deal. 1
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on this. She has every right to be upset about the lie, but I think it's a pretty ridiculous reason to break up with him. That just tells me that she wasn't really committed to the relationship to begin with. I'm sorry... I must live on a different planet than you.... see, where I come from, people aren't obliged to continue hanging out with people who make up stuff to get past reasonable filters.
Author Breck Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 I guess my bigger concern is I want to date her friend and her friend thinks I'm 32. How do I clear this up?
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