Breck Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'll keep this quick. I met a 25 year old girl at the bar. She was really interested in me. I just broke up and was open to a one night stand. I told her I was 32. I didn't care if it lasted beyond that night. She turned out to be a really cool girl. We started dating. We've dated countless times and she's wondering what the hold up is (why we're not official). I'm 35 and I don't know how to tell her my real age without her feeling mislead/lied to. I want to start a relationship with this girl and that is the only lie (though a big one) that I've told. -Breck
MrLovaLova Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'll keep this quick. I met a 25 year old girl at the bar. She was really interested in me. I just broke up and was open to a one night stand. I told her I was 32. I didn't care if it lasted beyond that night. She turned out to be a really cool girl. We started dating. We've dated countless times and she's wondering what the hold up is (why we're not official). I'm 35 and I don't know how to tell her my real age without her feeling mislead/lied to. I want to start a relationship with this girl and that is the only lie (though a big one) that I've told. -Breck If you don't tell her and start a relationship with her, she is going to find out eventually. The earlier you tell her the better. Also emphasize how sorry you are, how much you liker her and how you want a relationship with her. Good luck. .
soccerrprp Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Why? Why? Why?! Only lied for a mere 3-yr difference? Or did you want to her to feel better by thinking that you were within the 10-yr difference range? Well, you can either deceive for as long as you are together by NEVER letting her see anything or anyone that could or would reveal your true age, OR... tell her the truth and hope that 3-years doesn't matter to her or that you lied from the start. Good luck. 1
ja123 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Take her out for a nice dinner at a high-end restaurant. Order lots of wine! Eat! Ask to see her driver's license. Look at the picture, look at her. Smile sheepishly. Tell her how beautiful she is, and how beautiful she was the first night you met her. Tell her you have something you must get off your chest. Tell her it was something you ought to have told her that first night. Pull out your driver's license and show it to her. Place your 2 cards next to each other, if she doesn't pick up on your birthday, then underscore the date with your finger. Tell her how sorry you are, but you never thought a beautiful princess like her would accept such an old toad like you ... ok skip the princess and toad reference ... But everything before that, I'd suggest doing. Listen, 3 years isn't the end of the world ... wine... dessert ... a bashful, cute, apologetic look on your face ... and I think you'll be ok, kid.
Emissary Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 It's best to be honest about that stuff as soon as possible. You absolutely made things harder than they have to be by lying about your age. I was in a similar predicament where the girl I'm currently seeing is 17(18 on Monday) while I'm 25. In the very early stages, I didn't tell her my age, I always look a bit younger than I actually am, so I was hoping she would think me maybe only fresh out of high school. When we were just about to start dating, I decided to come clean and let her know how old I actually was. I didn't need to, she was aware of it pretty much the entire time, which is a boon to say the least. My method was better than yours, but it was still going to be rocking the boat a bit if she didn't know beforehand. Still, it's hardly something you just bring out into the open right away, hard call to make really.
iKING Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 And now you know why you shouldn't lie about silly things. 4
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'd steer it round to ages, say you're 35, and when she pulls you up on it, feign surprise.... and tell her it must have been a slip of the tongue... you can't believe you said that... wow.... how weird! You don't feel 32 - OR 35..... for that matter....she makes you feel like a silly teenager in love..... BOOM! Sorted. 6
iKING Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'd steer it round to ages, say you're 35, and when she pulls you up on it, feign surprise.... and tell her it must have been a slip of the tongue... you can't believe you said that... wow.... how weird! You don't feel 32 - OR 35..... for that matter....she makes you feel like a silly teenager in love..... BOOM! Sorted. Tara, you crack me up. Good idea though, the ol' run around. Just don't try to say it all too fast.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Well.... sometimes a stoopid lie just needs a better one to fix it..... 1
kaylan Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) OP, the sooner you tell her the truth, the better. Sure a 10 year age gap might have been a deal breaker in the early going...but lying is generally always a deal breaker. Im sure she coulda got over the 10 year thing better than the lying thing.It's best to be honest about that stuff as soon as possible. You absolutely made things harder than they have to be by lying about your age. I was in a similar predicament where the girl I'm currently seeing is 17(18 on Monday) while I'm 25. In the very early stages, I didn't tell her my age, I always look a bit younger than I actually am, so I was hoping she would think me maybe only fresh out of high school. When we were just about to start dating, I decided to come clean and let her know how old I actually was. I didn't need to, she was aware of it pretty much the entire time, which is a boon to say the least. My method was better than yours, but it was still going to be rocking the boat a bit if she didn't know beforehand. Still, it's hardly something you just bring out into the open right away, hard call to make really. Why is a man in his mid 20s sniffing around high schoolers ??? I hope 17 was the legal age of majority wherever you live. Edited March 16, 2013 by kaylan 2
dichotomy Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Just be casual about it, and always sandwich a difficult thing between two slices of nice. You know you are really something special, its like I don't even notice the 10 year age difference, I have never felt like this before and want to take our relationship to the next level. the 25 year old female mind.... "weeee!, wait what?, weeeeee!":mad:
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I have to laugh... I dunno OP... what else are you lying about? Because if there is more you need to spill it all now. (Need to add...Ladies, this is why you don't hook up with guys at bars...) 2
JMCOSU838 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'll keep this quick. I met a 25 year old girl at the bar. She was really interested in me. I just broke up and was open to a one night stand. I told her I was 32. I didn't care if it lasted beyond that night. She turned out to be a really cool girl. We started dating. We've dated countless times and she's wondering what the hold up is (why we're not official). I'm 35 and I don't know how to tell her my real age without her feeling mislead/lied to. I want to start a relationship with this girl and that is the only lie (though a big one) that I've told. -Breck You've got to tell her the truth sooner rather than later. However, if she breaks up with you because of that, then it was never going to work out in the first place and you're better off finding that out now instead of later.
syw0806 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Tell her now. If she truely likes you cares you, she'll understand. Funny thing, I had exact same situation. my boyfriend and I have 10 yr gap too, I'm 22 and he is 32. He told me he's 29, well when I asked him he was really blunt about his age, he'd say like '29.....25,30 whatever.' Then I found out later he's actually 32, not from him tho, so I would keep asking him his age, he got annoyed by that and he would keep saying like "25,27,29,30,31,32,35,42 why do you so care I look young(he does lol)" he still thinks I have no idea of his actual age lol I think he tried to hide it because he was afraid first,,well I guess still is, that I'd think that's too much of gap and may leave him. I know he doesn't want to talk about age and I don't want him to feel insecure about that so I don't bother asking him anymore. but I totally understand him and it doesn't bother me at all.. well I guess bc I like him much and not bc he's 29 lol and I don't feel age thing between us at all. and I don't mind date a guy 10yr older. you know, it's only 3 yr difference anyway..lol not a big deal to me. I would def. appreciate if he comes up to me says like "hey I'm actaully 32, but I like you, we have great connection I don't want our age gap ruins this great relationship we have." something like that line lol.... so you do that. If she gets upset and leaves you, I guess she doesn't like you that much and she's not really a cool girl as you thought. She may get upset at first, bc basically that's a lie, but she'll understand. If she'll know eventually and you are that serious about her, I suggest you tell her asap.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'd steer it round to ages, say you're 35, and when she pulls you up on it, feign surprise.... and tell her it must have been a slip of the tongue... you can't believe you said that... wow.... how weird! You don't feel 32 - OR 35..... for that matter....she makes you feel like a silly teenager in love..... BOOM! Sorted. The real issue is dishonesty (and the self-centered need to fool someone into giving you what you want when they otherwise might not), more so than it is the actual age involved. That's the problem to be remedied and shown as a one-off fluke, that would never happen again because of how much this person now means to you. I have been in that woman's shoes, except it was 13 v. 10 years, and it did not start off as a ONS. He asked me on a date and was serious from the outset. The above approach, which simply reinforces that this is a way of life for you, would be the ONE way to guarantee me dumping you tout de suite!! To add insult to injury by lying to cover a lie and then trying to gaslight me about my memory??? Right! THAT just screams "trust me" and "I'm relationship material!":rolleyes: Your best bet is to be honest, direct, and beg for forgiveness. Sincere remorse may get you what more game playing never will. Period. My guess is she already knows at this point. I found out very early on without ever trying. The only person you're fooling is you, and she's watching how you deal with it...and her. 1
Kamille Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Well.... sometimes a stoopid lie just needs a better one to fix it..... It depends on the person being lied to. If I were her, I would see the "oh it's nothing, you must have misunderstood" white lie as an indicator that the op is incapable of taking responsibility for himself. That he's possibly prone to gas-lighting. I would prefer he be upfront about the whole thing and basically say what he said here: that when he met her in a bar, the fact he had just broken up made is so he wasn't thinking long term and that falling so hard for her came as a surprise. I might be upset that he had lied, but at least I wouldn't feel manipulated. 2
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 A 10 year age gap is a lot to lie about.... especially with women in their 20's. Ladies, don't be desperate and let guys get away with this. If they can't win your heart up front with honesty, they won't keep your heart with honesty later on when things get tough. Think about it. On the other hand, if age really isn't important to you, then just don't ask. Let him volunteer. He's a lot less likely to lie if you give him the chance to volunteer when he is ready.
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 The real issue is dishonesty (and the self-centered need to fool someone into giving you what you want when they otherwise might not), more so than it is the actual age involved. I think both are important. Anytime someone lies to try and hook someone emotionally hoping they will make a different decision afterward is a problem. Unfortunately, women her age aren't often mature enough to understand the long term implications of getting involved with men who do this... they find out later though... In the meantime, there are other better men closer to her own age (or maybe even the same age as this guy) who wouldn't disrespect her like that. Are you still with the guy who lied to you?
Treasa Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'd steer it round to ages, say you're 35, and when she pulls you up on it, feign surprise.... and tell her it must have been a slip of the tongue... you can't believe you said that... wow.... how weird! You don't feel 32 - OR 35..... for that matter....she makes you feel like a silly teenager in love..... BOOM! Sorted. I agree with TaraMaiden, as usual. And for heaven's sake, don't lie about anything like this in the future! 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Look Breck, don't worry about it...she's not going to leave you for this. You don't need a fancy lie or cover-up, just man up and tell her the truth IMO. There's no reason to pu$$y out and cover up another white lie with another...I think that's a bit cowardly. At any rate, just tell her before things progress...give her your short explanation and be honest about it, she'll probably think about or just not care. Women like to give men "the benefit of the doubt" so If she's already emotionally invested you could probably have murdered a few people...as long as you "changed"...after all, people can change for the better Breck didn't you know? Ok I'm teasing a bit, but seriously you have nothing to worry about....women do not leave so easily, and at age 25, I highly doubt she has the sense to watch for any red flags that maybe a woman in her 30's would be aware of, so I think you're giving her a bit too much credit here...as long as everything else is fine, this is a small thing, plus it's 3 years man...who cares, it's just the dishonesty that will rub her the wrong way and she may peep one little eye-lid of curiosity or concern, however most women aren't going to do anything serious about it. However, she will never forget it either. I personally think if you're dishonest about one thing you're going to be dishonest about something else as RedRobin has stated...but this is an experience many women will have to learn the hard way...I hope for your sake, this was just a simple mistake and you were just insecure about your actual age, and it was nothing more. Also if she knows already (which if you've spent any time around women it's like dating a detective) then she already knows and you're sweating about something for no reason or you're just being a fool thinking she doesn't know. 1
JMCOSU838 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 A 10 year age gap is a lot to lie about.... especially with women in their 20's. Ladies, don't be desperate and let guys get away with this. If they can't win your heart up front with honesty, they won't keep your heart with honesty later on when things get tough. Think about it. On the other hand, if age really isn't important to you, then just don't ask. Let him volunteer. He's a lot less likely to lie if you give him the chance to volunteer when he is ready. What does it mean to let a guy get away with something like this? If she stays with the guy, does that automatically mean she is desperate?
bobsmith76 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'll keep this quick. I met a 25 year old girl at the bar. She was really interested in me. I just broke up and was open to a one night stand. I told her I was 32. I didn't care if it lasted beyond that night. She turned out to be a really cool girl. We started dating. We've dated countless times and she's wondering what the hold up is (why we're not official). I'm 35 and I don't know how to tell her my real age without her feeling mislead/lied to. I want to start a relationship with this girl and that is the only lie (though a big one) that I've told. -Breck I understand your situation. Remember that she has probably told similar mild lies in her past. Make the relationship official and then tell her a month later that you lied. Be very apologetic and make a very strong effort to show her that you didn't realize what you were doing and that it was stupid of you and that you understand now why it was wrong but you did not understand in the past. If she admires you and likes you, she will understand that you are flawed like her and she will forgive you.
KraftDinner Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Just tell her. Then watch -- she'll tell you she's actually 30. Yes, lies are bad, yes, we should all be honest 100 per cent of the time...but age, IMHO, is a tricky one. Shaving off a few years here and there....well, it's hardly akin to hiding a wife and kid or something. 32 to 35...it's not as though that actually matters. Wanna know something that matters? This actually happened to some peoplle I know. Glen, 27, and Karen, 22, got involved and she got pregnant. She ended up being rushed to the hospital at one point because she was going into early labour or whatever...the baby ended up being born at like 5 months or something ridiculous (and had to stay in the hospital on monitors for months -- he made it and is fine). Anyway, as they're admitting her into the hospital, he's filling out her form and he writes (for eg...I don't actually know her bday): March 5, 1988. So she's like,"Ummmm, actually it's March 5....1995." Yup, she was 15. She had been 14 when they hooked up. True story. Thing is, we had all known she was 14 and wondered wtf he was doing with her. The way things played out after proved to us that he really hadn't known (they broke up, he pretty much hates her, but he's a good dad). All this to say...sometimes age lies really matter! This one made the guy a criminal! Sometimes it's almost just a vanity thing. Come clean. Do it like yesterday and don't think about it anymore.
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 What does it mean to let a guy get away with something like this? If she stays with the guy, does that automatically mean she is desperate? Yes, it does. and naïve.... but since she is picking up guys at bars hoping it turns into a relationship... me thinks she's got some life lessons to learn. Anyway, the guy is supposedly 35. And he is still playing these pranks? Seriously.
Eggplant Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I dated a man who would tell small lies. I brushed it off. Now I know better. OP -- tell her and be truly sorry.
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