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The Hot The Cold and the ?

Greenj30

By Greenj30
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Greenj30 Established Member

Greenj30

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hello everyone I would like to say this is my first post and I thank you in advance for all of thee advice I will receive. I will try and keep this as short as possible.

 

History

 

Well my now ex girlfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago after I had courted her for 6 months ( we were exclusive and pretty much dating). She had just been dumped by her long term boyfriend of a few years a couple of months prior to me advancing with her. We had been really good friends for about a year and a half before that. I had been given the okay to date her from her ex. Who is a good pal of mine. Lastly she was my first real relationship.

 

The Break Up

 

Well prior to her breaking up (the week before) We had a really good time she was her normal energetic enthusiastic self. She had taken me to meet her grandparents who loved me just like the rest of her family. Her myself and a bunch of my mutual friends had hung out that following Saturday night. Everything seemed to be normal but after I had left the group to go handle some business. later on I had texted her goodnight and she didn't reply. So I figured I was annoying her and I felt clingy so I didn't say anything else. On Sunday she is still acting weird so I ignore her still trying to give her space. This goes on for 3 days until the next time I see her in which she asks me to meet up so we can talk. So I meet her at a coffee shop later on and we do our break up. Here are the key points.

 

 

  • She's not over her Ex (Which is true a few years is a long time)
  • It's not fair to me.
  • She said she really does love me.(confirmed by her friends)
  • She Said she could see us getting back together.
  • She doesn't want a relationship for a long time.
  • She said i didn't do anything wrong (confirmed by her friends)
  • She just wants to be friends for now.
  • Other guys are off her radar.
  • She agreed I complimented her traits well.

Post Breakup (Hot)

 

After our break up although she has done a lot of things that has been contrary to the break up such as.

 

 

  • Hang up calls.
  • Excessive Flirting.
  • Accidental Texts.
  • Inviting me to things.
  • Calling me to transfer information to family members in which she didn't try to contact.
  • Bringing up good memories.
  • Using Nicknames.
  • Tending to me while I was sick.
  • Using lots of emotion while texting me. (e.g. "Haha, :), ;),!!!!,???")
  • She completely ignored one of her best friends goodbyes and said goodbye too me excitedly.

And many more things.

 

Post Breakup ( The Cold)

 

Now here is the cold side to the coin.

 

 

  • She has avoided sitting next to me. ( But she would sit behind me or around me.)
  • Avoided talking to me( Because she thought I was avoiding her.)
  • Used words like Bro, and Man( I feel like they are forced to show that she does not want a relationship right now.)
  • She has also called me Buddy. ( But I feel like it's a term of Endearment. She called me that before and during our relationship.)
  • She's said " I am glad we are friends." ( Honest? probably. But it felt forced because we had a long conversation on FB.)

Just a few things I know but they were more prevalent.

 

My Questions.

 

  1. Will she ever get over her Ex and if would she give me another chance?
  2. If I do choose to be her friend like we were before our relationship. How should I be the best friend I can be without being stuck in the friend zone?
  3. Although I do want to get back with her eventually. What should I do if she said date other girls? If someone peaks my interest to go for them?

Edits

Another thing she said was we moved to fast( She introduced me to the major members of her family and life before we were dating.)

 

Also since it was impossible to do complete no contact i did limited contact. I am trying to give her as much space as possible she makes it hard though.

 

Thanks Again Advice is Truly Appreciated!

Edited by Greenj30
KoKo0 Established Member

KoKo0

Posted
Posted

If she is not over her ex, there is no reason for you to be her shoulder to cry on. Plenty of other women on this planet to choose from, you shouldn't be caught up with someone who goes hot to cold. She either is IN or OUT, no in betweens.

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Greenj30 Established Member

Greenj30

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey thanks for the reply! I understand there is no middle ground but I don't think I have taken that role of being her shoulder to cry on I'm there if she needs me otherwise its really limited contact.

Thunderchild Established Member

Thunderchild

Posted
Posted
Hello everyone I would like to say this is my first post and I thank you in advance for all of thee advice I will receive. I will try and keep this as short as possible.

 

History

 

Well my now ex girlfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago after I had courted her for 6 months ( we were exclusive and pretty much dating). She had just been dumped by her long term boyfriend of a few years a couple of months prior to me advancing with her. We had been really good friends for about a year and a half before that. I had been given the okay to date her from her ex. Who is a good pal of mine. Lastly she was my first real relationship.

 

The Break Up

 

Well prior to her breaking up (the week before) We had a really good time she was her normal energetic enthusiastic self. She had taken me to meet her grandparents who loved me just like the rest of her family. Her myself and a bunch of my mutual friends had hung out that following Saturday night. Everything seemed to be normal but after I had left the group to go handle some business. later on I had texted her goodnight and she didn't reply. So I figured I was annoying her and I felt clingy so I didn't say anything else. On Sunday she is still acting weird so I ignore her still trying to give her space. This goes on for 3 days until the next time I see her in which she asks me to meet up so we can talk. So I meet her at a coffee shop later on and we do our break up. Here are the key points.

 

 

  • She's not over her Ex (Which is true a few years is a long time)
  • It's not fair to me.
  • She said she really does love me.(confirmed by her friends)
  • She Said she could see us getting back together.
  • She doesn't want a relationship for a long time.
  • She said i didn't do anything wrong (confirmed by her friends)
  • She just wants to be friends for now.
  • Other guys are off her radar.
  • She agreed I complimented her traits well.

Post Breakup (Hot)

 

After our break up although she has done a lot of things that has been contrary to the break up such as.

 

 

  • Hang up calls.
  • Excessive Flirting.
  • Accidental Texts.
  • Inviting me to things.
  • Calling me to transfer information to family members in which she didn't try to contact.
  • Bringing up good memories.
  • Using Nicknames.
  • Tending to me while I was sick.
  • Using lots of emotion while texting me. (e.g. "Haha, :), ;),!!!!,???")
  • She completely ignored one of her best friends goodbyes and said goodbye too me excitedly.

And many more things.

 

Post Breakup ( The Cold)

 

Now here is the cold side to the coin.

 

 

  • She has avoided sitting next to me. ( But she would sit behind me or around me.)
  • Avoided talking to me( Because she thought I was avoiding her.)
  • Used words like Bro, and Man( I feel like they are forced to show that she does not want a relationship right now.)
  • She has also called me Buddy. ( But I feel like it's a term of Endearment. She called me that before and during our relationship.)
  • She's said " I am glad we are friends." ( Honest? probably. But it felt forced because we had a long conversation on FB.)

Just a few things I know but they were more prevalent.

 

My Questions.

 

  1. Will she ever get over her Ex and if would she give me another chance?
  2. If I do choose to be her friend like we were before our relationship. How should I be the best friend I can be without being stuck in the friend zone?
  3. Although I do want to get back with her eventually. What should I do if she said date other girls? If someone peaks my interest to go for them?

Edits

Another thing she said was we moved to fast( She introduced me to the major members of her family and life before we were dating.)

 

Also since it was impossible to do complete no contact i did limited contact. I am trying to give her as much space as possible she makes it hard though.

 

Thanks Again Advice is Truly Appreciated!

 

1. Who knows - it might take a long time, especially if she constantly rebounds. Remember, look not at what a woman says, look at what she does.

2. No! Under no circumstances be anything but a cool, independent, unattainable, attractive dude around her. Be friendly, but not her friend - she's got girlfriends to go boo-hoo-ing to.

3. You don't need her permission to date other women. She doesn't dictate your life or lifestyle. If she wants to be with you she'll come running - until that day, assume she doesn't, and get on with YOUR life.

  • Author
Greenj30 Established Member

Greenj30

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
1. Who knows - it might take a long time, especially if she constantly rebounds. Remember, look not at what a woman says, look at what she does.

2. No! Under no circumstances be anything but a cool, independent, unattainable, attractive dude around her. Be friendly, but not her friend - she's got girlfriends to go boo-hoo-ing to.

3. You don't need her permission to date other women. She doesn't dictate your life or lifestyle. If she wants to be with you she'll come running - until that day, assume she doesn't, and get on with YOUR life.

 

Thank you for the reply Thunderchild. I really do avoid her but she always finds her way around to me? It's impossible to completely avoid her because our lives overlap and I rejected her request to be friends the first time.

 

Another thing I just read the "Grass is Greener" thread and that seems to be her to the Tee. Minus the partying and stuff. But she is a little different it's all really weird and confusing I do want her back I feel like there are more answers to give. As to where we are headed or as to what I can do to start over with her?

Edited by Greenj30
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Greenj30 Established Member

Greenj30

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Bumped. Thanks again.

ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

Posted
Posted
Thank you for the reply Thunderchild. I really do avoid her but she always finds her way around to me? It's impossible to completely avoid her because our lives overlap and I rejected her request to be friends the first time.

 

Another thing I just read the "Grass is Greener" thread and that seems to be her to the Tee. Minus the partying and stuff. But she is a little different it's all really weird and confusing I do want her back I feel like there are more answers to give. As to where we are headed or as to what I can do to start over with her?

 

To be blunt...nothing. You can't force a person to do something they don't want to do, and it sounds like your ex doesn't want to be with you right now. Even if you did start dating again now, none of the issues that caused the break up will have gone away yet, and you'd just get dumped all over again. She's doing all the 'hot' things she's doing because she's enjoying the attention you're giving her. She's got the benefits of having a doting boyfriend but none of the responsibilities. I doubt she's doing it out of spite..I'm sure she misses you..but she's had many opportunities at this point to ask you to get back together and she hasn't. Doesn't that tell you something?

 

Here's what you can do. Tell her you're not over her yet and she needs to back off. If she doesn't, physically get up and walk away from her, and block her number. Not only will this be beneficial to you insofar as you will begin healing and getting over her, but it will allow her to see what she's missing. Right now she can't miss you because she still has you.

 

Regardless of what happens with her though, you need to heal and move on. If you do date again, you'll have to start from the beginning..but for real. Not just saying you're starting over and then jumping back in head first (which is what I did..and it blew up in my face).

 

Good luck! You'll be ok.

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