KJP Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Ok... My boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years when he broke up with me two months ago. We were best of friends and had amazing chemistry. I really loved him. I had been getting the feeling for about the last six months that he was feeling inadequate in our relationship. He comes from a family that constantly belittles him and makes him feel pretty low. I have a college education and he is a welder. I never felt that I was any better for him. I was proud of him and how successful he is in his career. I was supportive. When we broke up his reasons were that he was no longer in love with me, although he still loved me as a friend. He also felt that there would be someone better for me out there. I took the break up pretty hard. I never called and begged or pleaded. I wanted to give him his space if that was what he wanted. Well today we went out to breakfast, he invited me. We talked and had a really nice time. I made the mistake when we were hugging goodbye to say that I missed him... then silence. He didn't respond. I asked... So you don't miss me? And he responded with, "I miss you sometimes, but I just don't think about it." My question is... CAN MEN REALLY JUST "NOT THINK ABOUT IT"????? It's so hard because this loss consumes my every thought. I can't believe he can really just not think about it. Insights please?
iKING Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 He knows he has to move on, and that you do too. Will you guys ever get back together? Who knows. It's safe to assume that you should consider trying to forget him. Easier said then done, but it'll get better as time passes. You will love again.
stevie_23 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I think men DO have an easier time just "not thinking about it" than women. They don't dwell as much on the emotional side I think. Don't analyse as excessively as women can. Also, he said he was no longer in love with you...and so yes, he would miss you as a person and a close friend now, and he'd miss the good times you had and the familiarity, routine and comfort he had with you, but...he's not in love anymore. So the level of "missing" for him is different to how you feel about him and how you miss him still, you know? 1
Radu Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 The fact that he broke the relationship gave him an headstart on getting over it. You said it yourself, you noticed he had thought about it for close to 6months. You on the other hand, got blindsided by it. You need to start seeing him full of flaws, to stop yourself from mulling over him. From what you wrote, he had a problem, he saw you better than him. For some guys, this is a very big thing because we are generally shown through life that we are the providers and in most relationships guys tend to outearn their girlfriends. I think [with his family background] he felt a bit emasculated by your degree and bigger potential. While some guys can get over this and even thrive in a possible SAHD situation, some other guys cannot do this. Just like in this situation some women lose respect for a guy when they identify masculinity with earning power and station in life while some others are willing to see masculinity in other things. Your ex's next gf will be one who makes less than him and doesn't have a college degree. Those will be the criterias by which he will mostly choose, and maybe in the future he will look back on this with regret. 1
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