KJP Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Ok... My boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years when he broke up with me two months ago. We were best of friends and had amazing chemistry. I really loved him. I had been getting the feeling for about the last six months that he was feeling inadequate in our relationship. He comes from a family that constantly belittles him and makes him feel pretty low. I have a college education and he is a welder. I never felt that I was any better for him. I was proud of him and how successful he is in his career. I was supportive. When we broke up his reasons were that he was no longer in love with me, although he still loved me as a friend. He also felt that there would be someone better for me out there. I took the break up pretty hard. I never called and begged or pleaded. I wanted to give him his space if that was what he wanted. Well today we went out to breakfast, he invited me. We talked and had a really nice time. I made the mistake when we were hugging goodbye to say that I missed him... then silence. He didn't respond. I asked... So you don't miss me? And he responded with, "I miss you sometimes, but I just don't think about it." My question is... CAN MEN REALLY JUST "NOT THINK ABOUT IT"????? It's so hard because this loss consumes my every thought. I can't believe he can really just not think about it. Insights please?
Uresen Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) Look I know where you are coming from, I went through the exact same kind of doubts, fellings, thoughts when me and my ex gf broke up... You see I was the one who got dumped and somehow I wanted, I needed her to miss me...and apparentely she did, but not as much as I was expecting or as much to make her want to try again. (and I missed her like water on the desert and still do) So I don't think you should worry if it's about the gender, because it's definitely not. He feels what he feels and if he wanted to be with you he would be.There is, unfortunately, nothing you can do to change his mind or to convince him to be with you. I've been lurking around this forums for some time, trying to find some strength or any sense to what happened to me, but after 6 months sticking with NC and having thought alot about what happend and what went wrong; I realized people are strange, really complex and ****ed up beings, you can not rationalize someone elses actions or feelings (or the lack of them), they feel what they feel and they do what they want. So I'm really sorry for what you are going through, but my piece of advice...focus on yourself, try to become a better person, learn something new, do anything to get this person out of your system...and carry on with your life, because this will not be you first disappointement and wont be your last...and the only one who can improve your life and youself is you, never rely this on anyone else. I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes or broken english, but as Brazillian don't think I can express myself better than this...=P Hope I could be of any help. Well best of luck to you xD Edited March 16, 2013 by Uresen 1
Author KJP Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 So do you think it will eventually hit him that I'm gone... or will he be able to "just not think about it" for the rest of his life?
Neffer Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think for him its over. It hurts but you have to face that and move on. Take his words at face value. I have been dumped and its very hard to cope with....but its better to concentrate on yourself. Looking backward won't change anything. I have been there, so I am sorry for what you are going through and will go through.
thatone Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Ok... My boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years when he broke up with me two months ago. We were best of friends and had amazing chemistry. I really loved him. I had been getting the feeling for about the last six months that he was feeling inadequate in our relationship. He comes from a family that constantly belittles him and makes him feel pretty low. I have a college education and he is a welder. I never felt that I was any better for him. I was proud of him and how successful he is in his career. I was supportive. When we broke up his reasons were that he was no longer in love with me, although he still loved me as a friend. He also felt that there would be someone better for me out there. I took the break up pretty hard. I never called and begged or pleaded. I wanted to give him his space if that was what he wanted. Well today we went out to breakfast, he invited me. We talked and had a really nice time. I made the mistake when we were hugging goodbye to say that I missed him... then silence. He didn't respond. I asked... So you don't miss me? And he responded with, "I miss you sometimes, but I just don't think about it." My question is... CAN MEN REALLY JUST "NOT THINK ABOUT IT"????? It's so hard because this loss consumes my every thought. I can't believe he can really just not think about it. Insights please? Yes they can "not think about it". Men can occupy themselves with one thing and tune out all other things if they need/want to. I don't think it was a mistake, you didn't beg and plead but you opened the door for him to show interest in coming back if he wanted to, and he apparently didn't so you got your answer. You handled it just fine, don't beat yourself up over it. 1
Kaiten Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 There is a book called "for women only" by Shaunti Feldhan. It talks about how men can occupy themselves in an activity or even nothing at all and just not think about anything. In the other book "for men only", Shaunti compares it to a computer having its screensaver up. I know as a guy, that i can consciously make myself not think about something for limited amounts of time. Hope this helps
NapoleonNotSheep Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I think author of this two books is just stupid. You can't base every man/woman on this earth just by few examples. I certainly can't do something and don't think about my ex. Whatever I do I always think about her. And because we live in f***** up world people are like this. And I don't know what the f*** is it with "I miss you" and then he doesn't want to be with you. Like I am hungry but I won't eat food I will just think about it. Doesn't make any sense at all.
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