bada bing Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Ended a 8 month relationship last week with my girlfriend. She ended it after telling me she couldn't wait for my divorce to finalize. Said she felt we were stuck and couldn't move forward, said she was getting very attached and loved me, but needed to be brave and let me go until I sorted it out, and maybe in the future we could re-kindle. Urghhh she texted this to me , so naturally I called her, kept my composure and confidence and told her I understand her frustration and felt bad about it, I did not beg and told her I knew it was coming and was prepared---which surprised her. I'm legally separated and didn't intend to fall in love so quick but i did. Now I'm going NC as I feel like it's the best move for at least a few weeks? I think it would be hard to see her as friends, what would you do? Tonight friday is tough, as we would always see each other...i've been strong all week until now
Compromize Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I "dated" a woman for almost 4 years that to this day has yet to finalize her divorce. Said it's just a piece of paper and doesn't mean anything. I have felt that pain of not really worth enough to really commit to. That is probably what she was/is feeling. I should have told the woman I was with the same thing your woman did and it would have saved me the heartache I am going through now. It sounds like she wants the same thing, to save her self potential heartache if you are not truly divorced, she more than likely feels that you are not really "hers". That is how I felt at least. I think she wants a clear and tangible sign of your ability to commit and it sounds like you are not in a position to give it to her. Save yourself the pain and go NC, for your own sake and hers until you get your divorce finalized. It's the right thing to do and something I wish I would have done on both counts. Sorry man, probably not wanted you wanted to hear but I have been there. Still there actually.
Author bada bing Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Compromize, I think your exactly right. she even said that she'd rather deal with the heartache now than dealing with the heartache later in a month or two, as it will only get worse the longer she stays. I hate the idea of not having her, but I understand her position. I was hoping to go NC for about 3-4 weeks and then reach out to her to maintain some form of contact. I actually think she may be hurting more than me, weird i know, but I think that may be the case. You appear to have good insight here. Thanks
Compromize Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) You appear to have good insight here. Thanks Your welcome, this is exactly what I have gone through, still going through really. It sucks. Since you say that she appears to be hurting more than you are, it might have been the best thing for her to do what she feels she needs to do now, for your sake. In my situation, I waited too long to really "put my foot down" on issues that she was not willing to compromise on, like my insistance on the finalization of the divorce and living together. It was always "I don't have the money" or some other reason. She wasn't serious enough about it in my opinion and her failure to really commit to us destroyed me and made me act out in ways that made me feel like a boy instead of a grown a$$ man. Regarding NC and possible contact with her later, how far along in the divorce process are you? Paperwork turned in from both parties and everything paid and just in the waiting period? Depending on where you live the waiting period could be several months. If you go NC and then reach out to her later, how would you feel if she is already in another relationship? Would you want to know all that? If it's really only several weeks until you are divorced than maybe she will still be there waiting, you never know but just don't get your hopes up for it. I am almost 40 and just going through my biggest soul-crushing hearbreak ever. They say the first relationship you get into after your marriage has an extremely low likelyhood of making it. In my case we both were checked out of our marriages for years and fell in love with each other when we shouldn't have (when we were both married) and I knew in my gut that I would get my heart broken by her and I still went for it. I guess the best I can do is let my story be an example to other and learn from it myself. It sounds like you were done with your marriage before the actual seperation since you fell in love with this woman quickly. My heart goes out to you man. I guess that all you can really do it better yourself in this time. And stay out of another relationship until you are divorced! Save yourself and the woman the potential pain of another breakup until you are truly free of your marriage. Keep your chin up brother. Edited March 16, 2013 by Compromize
Author bada bing Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Great insight and advice Compromize, thanks for input. She texted me on saturday (Hello how was your week) and because I know she still loves me, I'm now wondering if NC is right for this situation? Am I being too rigid going NC here? I know she still wants to be friends and communicate until my divorce is final? Should I stay in contact? I don't want to fall into the dreaded friend zone. If I see her I'll want to kiss her, so that's out what's the mature thing to do here?
Author bada bing Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Anyone? Per my question above. Is NC the right choice for me? She broke it off because she has gotten so attached and was worried that my divorce was taking too long and she'd be hurt. she wants me to finish it (Divorce) and wants to stay friends? What would you do? Stay in contact? or NC? She texted me after 1 week of NC.
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