Haha, yall were right. OLD is so not for dudes

[kaylan]

This.

 

There have been so many social experiments done with OLD. Hell, even OKC has some stats that prove the above to be true.

 

I always joke though that the reason men have low response rates is because they are messaging other men who are posing as women to conduct an experiment.

The thing I dont get is this;

 

Im sure a good portion of the women Ive been with would pass me over if I was merely a profile. And Im sure a good number of girls who see my profile find me attractive, but think they can find a guy whos better than me in one area or another. But whats weird to me is that guys will give more girls a shot if shes attractive and interesting. However, it seems for women that even if they find you attractive, theyll wait it out hoping for their top match to show up.

 

Too many checklists with OLD. I read a profile earlier where the girl said "Only message me if youre white! I tend to go for italians. And I like a guy whos tattooed and muscled. If this isnt you dont message me!" Like wow...only on PoF do I see crap like that. I never see that kinda entitlement on OKC. And this girl was a 7 at best. But easily a 6 considering she used a closeup shot that seemed to hide her body shape. Only with online dating can a girl behave that way and still get attention.

 

Lord knows without OLD that girl wouldnt be getting the attention she desires from the type of guy she mentioned. And lord knows in real life she prolly doesnt even date those type of guys most of the time. But with the message flooding on OLD, some women think they can custom order a man.

 

 

If I ever met a girl in real life and then by chance stumbled upon a dating profile where she seemed off putting or mentioned wanting a guy who Im clearly not...Id bail or just have an FWB and never get serious. Because itd say to me that shed bail on me herself if the right guy came alone.

[JMCOSU838]

I just want to add that POF was a terrible site. So many creeps.

 

All the success I had was with OKC.

On POF I was bombed with messages that were just plain gross or boring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will add again that for me, the way a man messages me makes all the difference. Be witty, make me laugh, grab my attention and I will give you the time of day. From my own personal experiences I can say that if the guy had great banter through text, they were just as good in person.

 

 

I can honestly say that it I got a message that was general or bland and not specific to me or my profile, I immediately trashed it. Why would I want to talk to a man who didn't put any effort into a message to me?

 

That's probably fair. I always read profiles and write messages that reference something that I read. However, I do usually write short messages.

[Green Light]

I think that OLD encourages everyone to do a bit of dreamin'. The guys dream of finding some gorgeous model who gives it up easy, the girls want some tall, rich guy who is tough n' tender at the same time. But the reality is that most "common" people are really kind of crusty when you think about it. Boring, somewhat overweight/out of shape/"few extra pounds", in debt, boring jobs, watches a lot of TV and spends too much time on internet, has become one with the cell phone, has bratty kids, little to no sense of humor, workaholic, alcoholic.

Then when you realize that people are probably on OLD because they aren't cutting it in real life...well...methinks we all expect too much!

[trevzilla]

I just started reading the "The Paradox of Choice" by Barry Schwartz and basically studies show that the more choice people are given, the less likely they are to make a decision. Women are outnumbered two to one on POF (not sure about other sites), so even if they might find a guy appealing, there's the temptation of seeing what else is out there. The only women I ever get contacting me are not remotely attractive to me, but they often say I have a great profile and that they think I'm cute, handsome have nice eyes etc. So I'm pretty sure that at least some of the more attractive women must feel the same way about my profile and pics, but they never give me the time of day. So I have to conclude that while they might think I'm a 7, they're holding out for a 9 or 10 guy. So basically I can "settle" (I've tried going on dates with women that I was marginally attracted to and it never worked out) or I can just give up on OLD. Honestly I firmly believe that a relationship has to start with physical attraction. I appreciate the more honest female friends of mine who say the same and don't try and blow smoke up my ass and say it's not important. I dusted off my profile which I had hidden for a couple of months and same old same old. I messaged a 44 year old who I thought was attractive the other day and as usual no reply. Apparently a 44 year old with an okay career and kids is in huge demand. In the real world supposedly there's a reversal in power when it comes to dating and it shifts to men largely because of fertility, but not so in the fantasy realm of OLD. My advice to middle aged men is don't waste your time online unless you're interesting in dating way down for casual sex. I have no interest in anything other than something serious that transitions into something long term so OLD is of no value to me as I will not even be able to get a women in my league. I think for younger guys it might be okay as there's a lot more available attractive women so they will hopefully have less attitude and be more reasonable in their expectations.

Edited March 17, 2013 by trevzilla

[kaylan]

I did searches for men and women in my area on OLD for comparison. Easily twice as many men than women. Im wondering if its cause Im in the suburbs. In the city, even if men outnumbered women on these sites, it wouldnt matter too much because of the insane amount of women to be found online in a city locale.

[PhillyDude]

fun is overrated

 

 

What about "Safe Adult Fun"? lol

[ascendotum]

Kaylan, just treat it as another fishing rod in the water...the one you watch at the end of the pier but not the one in your hands, that you intently focus on for any little nibble. You are fairly young, so I thought you would be hitting the clubs and bars or music gigs still or there would be parties and bbqs still. I know that the hanging out with friends life can disappear by mid 20s though with many friends who drop out and have their life totally revolve around their significant other. Still though I thought you were in a band and did gigs. I have a few mates who did that and it was such a boon to meeting girls. How come its not happening there?

I knew a guy who was in a band with his mates and they were pretty crap and only played for free beer occasionally...it was more to drink and hang out together and rock in someone's garage, but he looked the part (spikey hair, black nail polish, eye liner, rings, studs, ripped jeans, leather jacket, etc) and he let every girl know he was in a band..and he got a lot of action. A number of the girls were great (not just looks).

[kaylan]

Nah...no band right now. But Ill have more time to write music and get in a band again soon.

[MrCastle]

Kaylan, just treat it as another fishing rod in the water...the one you watch at the end of the pier but not the one in your hands, that you intently focus on for any little nibble. You are fairly young, so I thought you would be hitting the clubs and bars or music gigs still or there would be parties and bbqs still. I know that the hanging out with friends life can disappear by mid 20s though with many friends who drop out and have their life totally revolve around their significant other. Still though I thought you were in a band and did gigs. I have a few mates who did that and it was such a boon to meeting girls. How come its not happening there?

I knew a guy who was in a band with his mates and they were pretty crap and only played for free beer occasionally...it was more to drink and hang out together and rock in someone's garage, but he looked the part (spikey hair, black nail polish, eye liner, rings, studs, ripped jeans, leather jacket, etc) and he let every girl know he was in a band..and he got a lot of action. A number of the girls were great (not just looks).

 

I think creative types and athletes have an edge up on the competition.

 

Some hobbies have an added "wet factor" built in when it comes to the ladies.

 

Fortunately I'm a creative type

[MrLovaLova]

I think that OLD encourages everyone to do a bit of dreamin'. The guys dream of finding some gorgeous model who gives it up easy, the girls want some tall, rich guy who is tough n' tender at the same time. But the reality is that most "common" people are really kind of crusty when you think about it. Boring, somewhat overweight/out of shape/"few extra pounds", in debt, boring jobs, watches a lot of TV and spends too much time on internet, has become one with the cell phone, has bratty kids, little to no sense of humor, workaholic, alcoholic.

Then when you realize that people are probably on OLD because they aren't cutting it in real life...well...methinks we all expect too much!

 

I agree with the first part, OLD does create unreasonable expectations. However, I don't agree with the 2nd part. I have met and dated beautiful women who were in shape and had good jobs and weren't crazy. Usually these women were the highly motivated types who had little time. Thus, they were using OLD as a filter.

 

OLD is geared towards women,they do the choosing not the men. I would bet the average woman finds OLD more fruitful than the average man.

.

Edited March 17, 2013 by MrLovaLova

[Neffer]

Sorry...but despite what the PC police say, attraction is not completely subjective. There are certain things that give people objective attractiveness.

 

Its not arrogant of me to be honest about what me and several other people I know feel about a particular persons attractiveness. Would you be whining if I said I had a friend who looked like Donald Trump and rated him a 4 or 5?

 

Yes. Trump is a -2, easy.

[Green Light]

Usually these women were the highly motivated types who had little time. Thus, they were using OLD as a filter.

 

Yes, like I said "workaholics". American society may find workaholics to be sexy but I do not.

 

OLD is geared towards women,they do the choosing not the men. I would bet the average woman finds OLD more fruitful than the average man.

 

I agree with this 100 percent!

[El Brujo]

I found the profile of an old college friend of mine on POF and decided to message her just to say whats up. Its her first time using online dating and I was surprised when she told me she cant keep up with the messages.

 

No offense to her, but in my view shes a 5...maybe a 6 at best. Thats if I had to use the number system. If I had to articulate it, Id say that I wouldnt sleep with her even if I was tipsy. Shes a great gal, but not someone I find attractive.

 

That being said, it appears people are right when saying a girl can be super plain or not all that attractive and get loads of attention online. Its amazing how OLD turns the dating world on its head. Seems guys just message any girl. Christ...if dudes actually showed some selective-ness itd solve the problem most of them have with OLD.

 

I've got news for you... it ain't much better in the IRL world either. I don't go to bar meetups or nightclub meetups anymore because the women are rude, shallow Barbie dolls who totally ignore men who don't look like movie stars (and then they complain there are no good men left).

 

OTOH if you're willing to settle for a geeky-looking woman with soda-bottle glasses who enjoys science and stuff, there are the non-alcoholic meetups.

[charlietheginger]

I've got news for you... it ain't much better in the IRL world either. I don't go to bar meetups or nightclub meetups anymore because the women are rude, shallow Barbie dolls who totally ignore men who don't look like movie stars (and then they complain there are no good men left).

 

OTOH if you're willing to settle for a geeky-looking woman with soda-bottle glasses who enjoys science and stuff, there are the non-alcoholic meetups.

 

Non alcoholic meetups are not a bad place to meet women.

Most of these women were in relationships with alcholics

At one point or were one themselves.

 

Most are just tired of the bar scene

[CryForNoOne]

That is the inherent problem with posting your pic on a forum. If you are good looking they'll tell you are attractive and if you aren't good looking they'll tell you are attractive. I have seen similar things on POF forums.

 

Nobody is out there to hurt other another person's feelings, especially if they know you and like you and if you are long time/well respected member of a forum [as you seem to be]. It is no skin of a girl's back to tell you that you are attractive even if she would never date you in real life.

 

Not saying you aren't good looking or anything, just make sure you realize that words are cheap and actions speak louder than words.

.

 

I completely agree. If you really want to know how good looking you are, do the My Best Face test on OKC. Complete strangers rate you so there is no bias or spared feelings. One of your profile pics gets matched up against someone else's of similar age/profile etc... You usually get about 60-70 votes per report. I've done it three times and consistently get picked 65-75% of the time. So I'm exactly where I thought I was, good looking, but won't stand out on OKC on looks alone. Though if I just go off of anecdotal stuff I've had several women over the years ask me if I act or model. You can't go off that. What I found very interesting from those comments and studying the My Best Face report is that individual tastes can mean everything. I hardly ever lost to someone that was clearly unattractive, but I was beat out by a fair number of "average" looking guys I'd think I'm better looking than. Conversely, several times I was picked over a guy I considered better looking than me.

 

Pic was really important too. I'm sporting a great smile in my main pic and it was much more popular with older women. One pic, that I think is too cheesy, I've got a major crooner pose while performing on stage, was actually the most popular overall, but that was because of the 18-22 demographic. So cheesy works with young girls. Friendly smiles works better for 31+. Makes sense. All very valuable info though. As my success rate on OLD the past 10 days has gone WAY up, once I started analyzing and breaking all this stuff down.

[CryForNoOne]

Ask some of the women here. I've put my pictures up before. And the bulk of women I date either model semi professionally or at the very least aspire to model. I've been blasted on here a few times for having high physical standards. I am by no means a bad looking guy and in my real life am the most successful of all my friends. When it comes to OLD I am the least successful. Luckily I don't take it seriously because I do pretty good for myself in real life.

 

MrCastle, you and I have similar tastes in women and about the same success level IRL. Never lived in NY, but I spent a lot of time there for work and know the vibe. Westchester puts you at a disadvantage with OLD because of your race. Those affluent pre-dominantly white suburbs always attract a certain type. You get a ton of career oriented white women looking for the tall country club white guy who is in investment banking or similar. There are alot of fake liberals who can afford to vote progressive because its NIMBY. And conservatives who are less open to interracial dating. Of course you would do better in the city.

 

That being said, there are thousands of women in your area and that can't be the only problem. They are not ALL like that. Maybe you are good looking but not enough to stand out online. Also just because you are a good writer, doesn't mean your profile or messages are good. When I started my profile and messaging was ineffective. I'm just as good a writer now as I was a month ago. But now I recognize I made a ton of mistakes early on. I'm avoiding them now and my success rate has gone way up.

[irc333]

Well, some people can actually judge pretty well an other person's level of universal attractiveness.

 

A person can look at someone, and tell that most people would concur with his opinion on that person's level of physical attractiveness.

 

 

 

Who says that just because you find her a 5 or 6 based on your personal objective scale that tons of other guys don't find her to be and 8 or 9? How arrogant.

[truth_seeker]

OLD is geared towards women,they do the choosing not the men. I would bet the average woman finds OLD more fruitful than the average man.

 

Yes.

 

OLD can be a haven for a woman seeking validation and attention. IRL the woman doesn't get approached or hit on. On OLD she can receive 50 emails a day from men wanting to take her out, complimenting her, asking for sex, you name it. She can sit back, relax, sift through emails and pick and choose who to "entertain"... this luxury for women they will not find in IRL.

 

Why? Men have more balls to send an email than to cold approach a woman IRL.

 

Now, OLD does work. I have a friend who just got engaged to a woman he met on OLD. However, this after many YEARS of doing OLD. That's the hang up. The ability to weed out lots of women, being patient, taking the hits and keep going. On one hand I admire him for not getting down and being persistent... on the other hand, I can't fathom spending years of my life trying to find a mate via OLD and putting up with so many undesirable women.

 

I am a staunch believer IRL is the way to go. You live your life and when the timing is right, you will meet the one.

[wheream_i]

If I was handsome then I would be confident, but I'm not. I'm also 5'6 so being short doesn't help, so that has affected my confidence as well.

 

Bah, I'm 5'6" as well and I have no problem with the confidence thing. But then again, I'm also good-looking. Sorry about your luck.

[outsidethebox]

... on the other hand, I can't fathom spending years of my life trying to find a mate via OLD and putting up with so many undesirable women.

 

You don't have to put up with undesirable women. That's the whole point of profile screening and messaging to decide to meet.

 

What you have to put up with is that very very few women respond.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I think a problem we have here is too many people RELY on OLD.

 

 

 

Castle makes a good point, as do many others, it doesn't work for everyone, which is why dating IRL is always an option people should aspire towards FIRST.

 

 

I am a minority when it comes to the fact that I actually look for personality on OLD versus looks. I have had tons of success because I went out with men who I found appealing to the eye, but who first and foremost were interesting men.

 

 

I never went into OLD with high standards, just my normal ones. Impress me, show me we have good conversational banter, and that your humor is similar to mine... and I would have more than likely gone on a date.

 

I also want to add, that on those dates, it always came up how many people we had each met up with from OLD before... for most guys it was 2-6 other people. I never asked how many they messaged or how long the time frame was... but my number was around 10.

[MrCastle]

MrCastle, you and I have similar tastes in women and about the same success level IRL. Never lived in NY, but I spent a lot of time there for work and know the vibe. Westchester puts you at a disadvantage with OLD because of your race. Those affluent pre-dominantly white suburbs always attract a certain type. You get a ton of career oriented white women looking for the tall country club white guy who is in investment banking or similar. There are alot of fake liberals who can afford to vote progressive because its NIMBY. And conservatives who are less open to interracial dating. Of course you would do better in the city.[/Quote]

 

Agreed.

 

That being said, there are thousands of women in your area and that can't be the only problem. They are not ALL like that. Maybe you are good looking but not enough to stand out online. Also just because you are a good writer, doesn't mean your profile or messages are good. When I started my profile and messaging was ineffective. I'm just as good a writer now as I was a month ago. But now I recognize I made a ton of mistakes early on. I'm avoiding them now and my success rate has gone way up.

 

Not necessarily. Let's not make it seem there are literally thousands of quality girls here. Most are women that I either find unattractive physically, or just not compatible enough to warrant sending them a message. So just eliminating those two types of women already puts me in a position where I have a small pool to pick from. From that pool, they have to be women who are also attracted to me. Even if that's 50% of the women I message, that still cuts that number in half.

 

And, I will also add I'm not very active and I do a sniper approach to OLD and not the shotgun, mass messaging approach others do here. In a year's time I probably sent messages to 10 women. I pick and choose carefully who I want to message.

 

I'm not sending out 50 messages a week here and getting nothing in return.

 

I'm very seletive. As selective as I am in real life.

[fortyninethousand322]

I rely/relied on OLD because I'm just not good at talking to women I'm attracted to in person. I get too nervous or frustrated and give up. Of course, it turns out I'm not good at talking to women I'm attracted to online either.

 

Poetic justice I suppose...

[miss_jaclynrae]

I just want to post some examples btw.

[Keep in mind, I am now taken, so I wouldn't respond back now, consider this hypothetical]

 

A message from an "average" guy, I checked out his profile after the message. He is in my age group, is pretty interesting and his message is what let me to check.

 

 

I like your opening line, I am mustachioed and proud of it. I worked at a car lot when I lived in Washington, so I know how it is to be working away your weekend. Paintball still does that to me. So tell me, what do you look forward to each week?

 

http://ak3.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/16/150x150/558x800/188x112/414x338/0/4354805707437997060.jpeg

 

 

It is a good message! Showed he read my profile, asked me a simple question easy to respond to, and the opening line in his message made me chuckle.

 

Here is one I would NOT talk to.

 

well hello how was your weekend? Hope you had fun... I'm ***** by the way

 

http://ak2.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/16/150x150/558x800/7x43/289x326/0/11798669108884644306.jpeg

 

Now with the last one, yep. He is HOT. I think so, but his message? Bland, didn't show that he read my profile at ALL and was just not interesting. Not to mention his profile was BORRRINGGGG.

[fortyninethousand322]

I've had people on this forum tell me my messages were good.

 

I don't think it's my messages. I think it's me...