JMCOSU838 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 That's two or three messages a day. How do you even find the time to write all those? You might disagree but I think that's way, way too many. I only send two or three message a week. Quality over quantity dude! It seems to work for me anyway since I've not had a week go by for the last two or three months where I didn't get at least one reply, even if it didn't end up going anywhere. I've had dates nearly every week too. Just out of interest, how long are your messages, and what is your usual approach? I mean do you just straight ask people out or do you try to get them talking first? The messages that I usually write are one or two sentences. Sometimes they will be a bit longer, but usually not more than a paragraph. They always reference something I've read in their profile so that they know I actually read it. For example, one profile mentioned that she did design work for a local firm. I sent her a message and asked her what she did at the design firm. It's also probably important to point out that I'm not ONLY looking for dates. I'm also simply interested in meeting new people and making new friends. My standards for friends are lower than the standards that I have for relationships. As long as you're a person is not bat **** crazy or a complete ass clown, then I'll probably get along with that person just fine.
Object_a Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 That sounds reasonable. Just chalk it up to the nature of OLD I think. Women get dozens of messages so they don't even read most of them if they don't like your picture. This also means a lot of women don't have the time or interest in chatting by messages and just want you to straight-up ask them out. I would only do that if they said as much in their profile though (and in those cases it really does seem to work). 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I just want to add that POF was a terrible site. So many creeps. All the success I had was with OKC. On POF I was bombed with messages that were just plain gross or boring. I will add again that for me, the way a man messages me makes all the difference. Be witty, make me laugh, grab my attention and I will give you the time of day. From my own personal experiences I can say that if the guy had great banter through text, they were just as good in person. I can honestly say that it I got a message that was general or bland and not specific to me or my profile, I immediately trashed it. Why would I want to talk to a man who didn't put any effort into a message to me? 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Not to mention that my profile gives any guy a pretty good few things to grab on and talk about.
StanMusial Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'm curious, why did some of you guys decide to try it? Especially you guys that do well in real life. I tried it because I was not meeting any women near my age that were single or childless. And that was after a period of 2 years of not dating anyone in a meaningful way. In theory it seems like a good way to find someone based on a few simple criteria but I pretty much agree with the consensus that it skews the dating pool severely to the point of being ineffective. In my 20's I never would've even considered trying it.
RedRobin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Or maybe Kaylan, some of these men might actually be trying to learn how to be less superficial.... have learned that pictures don't tell the whole story... and lots of other things you may not have thought about. The best guys I met when I was doing OLD was when I had NO pictures whatsoever. 2
sweetkiwi Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 The best thing thats come from anything online for me was collarme.com. OLD didn't work for crap. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 For the women who say that OLD sites were full of creeps, is it that those sites were devoid of any non-creepy men? Or, is it just that the non-creepy men got lost in the wash of the creepers (thus making it harder for them to stand out or for you to notice them)? It's one of the oddest things, all I hear is that men write messages that are overly sexual or show no signs of having actually read their profile. All I ever write are genuine messages and they keep getting ignored. So I don't know what to believe here...
truth_seeker Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Why am I largely successful in real life but not at all in OLD? Can you explain the disparity? OLD is all about stats. Pics, height, occupation... IRL you have that chemical reaction. You might be wearing something that stands out to a girl. It might be you look better IRL than in your OLD pics. There's something about seeing someone live and in person than staring at a monitor reading a profile. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I dunno I think it never hurts. I had some good conversations on OLD but guys NEVER asked me on dates. I got fed up and quit. Asked a guy myself, and then he told me he never thought Id be interested in him.... Uhhm we emailed for weeks...and I had to practically invite myself on a date. Have more confidence men!!! I wish it was that easy for me to have confidence. I'm ok looking I guess. I'm divorced with a kid and rent (I lost my home in my divorce).
PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I just want to add that POF was a terrible site. So many creeps. All the success I had was with OKC. On POF I was bombed with messages that were just plain gross or boring. I will add again that for me, the way a man messages me makes all the difference. Be witty, make me laugh, grab my attention and I will give you the time of day. From my own personal experiences I can say that if the guy had great banter through text, they were just as good in person. I can honestly say that it I got a message that was general or bland and not specific to me or my profile, I immediately trashed it. Why would I want to talk to a man who didn't put any effort into a message to me? Grab your attention? You know do you have to be interesting too right? Unless you have one of those golden.... 3
PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Not to mention that my profile gives any guy a pretty good few things to grab on and talk about. Do you look at his profile to talk about something or is it all about you? 1
PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Or maybe Kaylan, some of these men might actually be trying to learn how to be less superficial.... have learned that pictures don't tell the whole story... and lots of other things you may not have thought about. The best guys I met when I was doing OLD was when I had NO pictures whatsoever. I didn't think that was possible at all since you were up against so many woman who had pics Someone with out of pic would make me believe she was ugly
PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 For the women who say that OLD sites were full of creeps, is it that those sites were devoid of any non-creepy men? Or, is it just that the non-creepy men got lost in the wash of the creepers (thus making it harder for them to stand out or for you to notice them)? It's one of the oddest things, all I hear is that men write messages that are overly sexual or show no signs of having actually read their profile. All I ever write are genuine messages and they keep getting ignored. So I don't know what to believe here... Women accepts SEXUAL MESSAGES from a guy she is sexually attracted to
PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I wish it was that easy for me to have confidence. I'm ok looking I guess. I'm divorced with a kid and rent (I lost my home in my divorce). Who cares. just do what you have to do to survive and not worry about some of these woman who thinks they have a "golden vagina"
wheream_i Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 No offense to her, but in my view shes a 5...maybe a 6 at best. Thats if I had to use the number system. If I had to articulate it, Id say that I wouldnt sleep with her even if I was tipsy. Shes a great gal, but not someone I find attractive. That being said, it appears people are right when saying a girl can be super plain or not all that attractive and get loads of attention online. Its amazing how OLD turns the dating world on its head. Seems guys just message any girl. Christ...if dudes actually showed some selective-ness itd solve the problem most of them have with OLD. Not only that, but those are the ones that have the highest standards in the world.
sweetkiwi Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I wish it was that easy for me to have confidence. I'm ok looking I guess. I'm divorced with a kid and rent (I lost my home in my divorce). Well if you don't believe you're a catch no one else will either. I am a sexual deviant and I still found a GREAT man who thinks the world of me. Because despite my seeming "flaws", I know I am a good woman and worthy of love. Why don't you believe that about yourself???!
KathyM Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know several people personally, both men and women, who have met their spouse or LT SO through online dating, so it does work for some. Might as well have that extra source for meeting people. As they say, one in five marriages have come through OLD, so it does work. Takes awhile to find some quality people on there, though.
sweetkiwi Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Who cares. just do what you have to do to survive and not worry about some of these woman who thinks they have a "golden vagina" You keep mistaking "women" for "woman". Which can be a turn off to some womenzes. 2
USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Age plays a big role in all of this...different age groups will value different things in a profile...the younger you are, the more important stats and quality pictures become... 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Women accepts SEXUAL MESSAGES from a guy she is sexually attracted to Considering no one else has responded to what I wrote in that post, I assume you are right.
PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Considering no one else has responded to what I wrote in that post, I assume you are right. Just like this initial message I would see only worked with woman who were attracted to me "CAN I HAVE A KISS? The ones who wasn't attracted to me never responded
Philosopher Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'm curious, why did some of you guys decide to try it? Especially you guys that do well in real life. I tried it because I was not meeting any women near my age that were single or childless. And that was after a period of 2 years of not dating anyone in a meaningful way. In theory it seems like a good way to find someone based on a few simple criteria but I pretty much agree with the consensus that it skews the dating pool severely to the point of being ineffective. In my 20's I never would've even considered trying it. I joined mainly because at parties all the women I was meeting either already had boyfriends or I was not interested in them. Also my work is very male dominated so there is little opportunity there. That said I never really had that much success in real life.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Well if you don't believe you're a catch no one else will either. I am a sexual deviant and I still found a GREAT man who thinks the world of me. Because despite my seeming "flaws", I know I am a good woman and worthy of love. Why don't you believe that about yourself???! If I was handsome then I would be confident, but I'm not. I'm also 5'6 so being short doesn't help, so that has affected my confidence as well.
PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 LOL....Guys will message anyone regardless of what the female looks like. That's just how guys are....and I find that the "not so attractive" guys are the ones with the most confidence and balls! Just saying... Well try dating one of the not so attractive guys
Recommended Posts