Haha, yall were right. OLD is so not for dudes

[CryForNoOne]

My co-worker, friends, family, etc. had a higher rate of meeting people. Maybe they are more attractive than you and considering we live in a major metro city that may be why.

 

In real life, the people I am talking about don't go through "steps" to be able to ask someone out or talk to them for weeks before the person would agree to meet or be asked out. They used the same direct approach with OLD and they had a lot of coffee dates.

 

Wait I am confused... You just said you were hardcore prospecting / dating via OLD for 2 solid years and meeting all these "good" prospects.

 

If they are such "good" prospects and you seem to think you are a "good" prospect... Why would you need to continue to work hard and still prospect hardcore online for 2 years and judging from your posts... still doing it?

 

You either are very picky, you suck with women or are creepy, just having fun or you aren't meeting people you think are worthy of a LTR. Which one is it?

 

My friends, family, co-workers didn't need to evaluate someone after they clearly say they were lied too via pictures, profiles, crazy, desperate, needy, rebounding, married, in a relationship, looking for sex, etc.

 

In 2 years of hardcore prospecting you didn't seem to have any type of success aside from sleeping with multiple women at time.

 

My friends, family, co-workers, etc. I knew who tried online dating... Don't waste their time or date nuts and unsuitables.

 

From what little you shared, my friends, family, co-workers, etc. had a much different view of success than you do and are a lot more selective in people they dated.

 

This I do agree with.

 

Sorry but I just reading judgement, judgement, my friends are better, judgement... Dasein just chimed in that he disagreed and relayed his experience and you just seem to be bashing him...

 

Just curious what "major metro city" and what do you, your friends, family, co-workers consider success? The 5 nut job losers I've gone on dates with from OKC went to Harvard, Wellesley College, NYU, UCSB, and ??? (didn't ask).

[dasein]

My co-worker, friends, family, etc. had a higher rate of meeting people. Maybe they are more attractive than you and considering we live in a major metro city that may be why.

 

I see what you are about here, and basically stopped reading at the personal attack point. Surely your 10 friends and their 995 bad experiences OLD can't be wrong.

[dasein]

Sorry but I just reading judgement, judgement, my friends are better, judgement

 

Can't pm you as you haven't been around long enough, and am constrained by forum rules, but can say things aren't always as they seem here on LS.

[kaylan]

Over what period of time is 1 person meeting 100 people for dates?

 

Unless this is over a 3 year period, I cant see how someone fits all that into a regular life that includes working, seeing family and friends, hobbies, errands, etc.

[kaylan]

Do you people actually take these people you meet online to dinner and a movie and try to wine and dine them?

 

Everyone I knew who online dated, always met them at a coffee shop or somewhere like that for their first meeting. If they didn't like them, they didn't waste hours of their time, money or put themselves in danger.

Answer the question. Over what period of time is this?

 

And who said anything and wining and dining? First meetings are typically something low key like coffee dates for me.

 

If your story is true, the fact that all of your friends went through 99 really bad matches says more about their people picking skills and ability to click with someone, than it says something about the people they met. I wondering how long it takes someone to have 100 one-off coffee dates with 100 people.

[kaylan]

Let me get this straight...

 

I am suppose too be like dasein who swears by OLD yet has 5,500+ posts or we have CryForNoOne who is 41 and judging from his thread history is asking questions a 41 year old should know and still gets Friendzoned like 19 year old chump.

 

That would be like you getting financial advice or letting a person that declared bankruptcy several times manage your money.

Grow up dude. Whats with the character attacks? Why insult these guys?

 

First off...in the day and age of 24/7 access to internet...especially with smartphones...a high post count on a forum says nothing about someones social life. Hell, people post all day long on their facebooks yet have pretty busy lives. Posts dont take long to make.

 

And its always funny when forums noobs join the forum and start attacking people. Combine this with some of your questionable posts, and you make yourself appear to be a troll. The real chumps tend to be the guys who feel the need to lash out at people because their real life isnt as they claim it to be.

[dasein]

who swears by OLD yet has 5,500+ posts

 

Well I could claim that 10 of my friends, family, co-workers, etc. wrote 550 of the posts each, and only 5 of them were good ones... if I wanted to look silly.

[wwwwww]

I don't know what's funnier, the sushi story, or the fact that I believed it 100% since it was an OLD tale.

 

Well for what it's worth, I have another lengthy story which involves a condom, a new BMW 5 series, and the police. Perhaps I will tell it in an appropriate thread.

[RedRobin]

It kills / puts a major dent in the mystery, intrigue, wonder, curiosity, suspense, etc. of getting to know someone. Which is huge in building attraction / causing the spark. Not to mention, you don't even know if the person you are spending hours talking too looks like who they say there are and if you are attracted to them. So you go into the whole thing reluctantly to begin with.

 

Exactly. OLD doesn't allow trust and intimacy to build naturally.

[StanMusial]

Some chicks I know IRL that have tried OLD don't front about it. They've told me straight up they have to empty their inboxes every couple of days and admit they don't exactly read everything--tough to keep up with all the messages.

 

My friend said the same thing. She was on POF. Her advice to me was to jump on any girl that responded as quickly as possible because the girls were being bombarded with interested parties. Imagine chum in the shark infested water.

 

Luckily for me no girl ever responded, since its not my style to desperately peck away at any girl who might be faintly interested. Although that might be why so many guys come off as clingy and desperate... they know if they don't tap that ASAP it will be off to the next one tomorrow.

[USCGAviator]

OLD wins! The catch and release program served my lifestyle well last couple years.

[dasein]

OLD wins! The catch and release program served my lifestyle well last couple years.

 

Couldn't possibly say it any better than the above.

[CryForNoOne]

Can't pm you as you haven't been around long enough, and am constrained by forum rules, but can say things aren't always as they seem here on LS.

Yeah it's curious how livedandlearned just joined two days ago, yet references threads that died weeks ago. He didn't join the site to seek any advice as he has started no threads and only offers "advice" (if you consider judging and flaming other members advice). Also interesting how "his" opinions and writing style are similar to an established member...

[CryForNoOne]

I shared my opinion on what I have heard, seen and knew about online dating, just as you did. It's not for me but it is for you. Neither one of us is wrong or right, it is just a preference.

 

In my case what I have found is the women I want, attracted too and date choose not to online date. In your case, the ones you like do.

 

I'm happy not online dating and you are. So what's the problem?

 

The people I meet who are all about Online Dating and Facebook look at me like I'm an alien when they learn I do not use either.

 

I have several friends, family, co-workers, etc. who tried Facebook and after dealing with / experiencing all the good and bad that can come with it... many of them decided the bad outweighed the good and deactivated their accounts. Now, I am not a Facebook kind of guy to begin with but after seeing, hearing, reading all the good and bad... I am not going to venture into that either.

 

You on the other hand are a Facebook kind of guy and it works for you.

 

What amazes me is the amount time, effort and energy these people put into trying to explain, rationalize, justify, reasoning, arguing, trying to convince me, etc. why they online date, use Facebook or both. It's like they are either working for the company and are trying to sell me on it (yet they are quick to tell me all the nightmare, drama and horror stories thinking that sells / appeals to guy such as myself) or they seem insecure about.

 

Anyone else have this experience and noticed that same sort of dynamic takes place on LS too?

 

I had no problem until you started all the personal attacks on me and anyone disagrees with you. Now that you're hopefully past that, I'll respond in kind.

 

I just started OLD a month ago - so it's not exactly "for me". Never used online forums either except for hobbies like sports and music. I ended up here while researching OLD sites.

 

It's actually astounding how many swift conclusions you draw with hardly any data. Reinforces my belief that the numbers from your post are greatly exaggerated. I'm not a "FB kind of guy". I have an account. I use it to promote my band and stay in touch with people I haven't seen in years like HS, college, other places I've lived. It's fun that way. I find it annoying when people give me a play by play of their life and check-in, Yelp, and Instragram every place they go...

 

And yes the dynamic on LS is like that. Every online forum I've ever been to is like that. On guitar sites people drone on thread after thread and post after post about what brand or gauge of strings, or which amp or pickup to sound exactly like a certain artist or song. The actual artists never gave a $h!t, they just played. If you sift through all the extremists, about 1/3 people are sane and can offer meaningful advice...

[CryForNoOne]

As I'm meeting more women on OLD, one thing I'm not so keen on is the whole multi-dating aspect. IRL I move faster and it's more focused. I meet someone, get a number, call the next day, then go out on a real date (no coffee) all within a few days. My interest is generally focused on one, maybe two women. With OLD, you message first, then take convo offline, agree to meet for the fake date (coffee, Happy Hour), then maybe the real date. Takes much longer than IRL. You're also firing off e-mails and never knowing how many will respond. You might go 2 weeks with nothing, then 4 dates in one week.

 

I've already found myself in a situation that I'm sure many women are in with OLD. You meet someone and have a decent coffee date, enough to meet again. You setup the real date, but subsequently meet someone else you're more interested in. You may become less responsive or even backpedal out of the date. Now if you have 3+ people in the mix it can become too much. I totally understand why the girl I'm most interested in right now, shut down her OKC account so quickly.

[dasein]

I found it best to move straight to the real date. Not an expensive or big to-do date, but a solid 3 hour date. Never had a woman suggest she wanted to vet me first over coffee upon asking her out, but one of my OLD strengths is communications skills, especially on the phone. YMMV depending on particular advantages/disadvantages specific to you. Would always go straight to real date invite during the first phone call. Though only a few said this, I got the vibe they liked that I was direct and moved right in as opposed to ranging around with back and forth emails and predates. I found out their general area, and then had a date idea that would appeal to women broadly. I never had one turn me down for an invite to hang out in a fashionable area near them and then get a martini or wine.

Edited March 21, 2013 by dasein

[dasein]

You seem to want to make it unnecessarily complicated. OLD is just a database of people presumably interested in dating. Due to the wonders of modern telecomm, you can sit at home and contact these people in your spare time, converse briefly, then meet. From the meeting on, it's just like any other dating. While this is ongoing, it is assumed you are out meeting people in the course of your preexisting social life. OLD is simply a way to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet regularly.

[kaylan]

Ive never seen a sock account make such long involved posts in a thread like this before. The topic doesnt require all that lol

[dasein]

Where the girl makes you spend days, weeks, hours talking to her before she will agree / decide to meet you for a coffee date. Which isn't how it works for most girls in the real world.

 

First, want to be clear. I am not doing OLD now due to some pressing family stuff and I am enjoying alone time frankly. Will probably pick it up again later in the year, I like starting an OLD escapade in the late summer.

 

I take several steps to prevent the above flakiness and wishywash. First, in my profile, I have a line at the end, "not looking for penpals, be ready to go out and have some fun and we will." Then in my first email, I have a line "check out my profile and let's talk. If not interested, just hit the button and I'll head on down the line." Then after they respond once, "Let's talk on the phone, send me your number, or if you aren't comfortable with that, here's mine." Then on the phone, which is once again my strong suit, "I like to go to X (in her area) every now and then and have an appetizer at the bar and one of their Y drinks after walking around the Z some. Would you like to join me for that next Tuesday night around 7?" I have a 100% success rate OLD with that kind of date invitation, and that's probably really lucky, but it was 50 of 50 said yes immediately to that, so I stick with it.

 

I find that whereas women don't like to be "told," they do like to be "led," if that makes any sense. The straightforward no bull approach works for me because it suits my personality. YMMV. This is why I repeat, success at OLD requires an honest, humble appraisal of your strengths and weaknesses in the dating pool, then fitting your approach to showcasing your strengths and addressing weaknesses.

 

The next lesson will be "how to hypnotize women and get them to start falling in love with you on the first date.":laugh:

Edited March 22, 2013 by dasein

[dasein]

I meet people out and at parties too. Here's the difference with OLD and regular meeting:

 

You go in a dinner party, start meeting people you don't know, start talking to an interesting woman. You talk for two minutes, polite chitchat and "well my BF and I went to..." Then you meet another one. Talk for a few minutes, some woman comes up, "let me borrow her for a minute." Then you start talking to the last interesting looking woman there, talk a few minutes, and some ass comes up and starts wanting to measure dicks.

 

After the party you go to the bar. Meet a nice woman at the bar. Talk for a bit, then some cockblock friend of hers or some drunk guy comes up and she makes it plain she wants to talk to you, but the drunk dude won't go away. He finally does go away and then her friend and her start playing the childish, "I must protect you, let's go to the bathroom and talk about this for 15 minutes" games. Bleh. Church, clubs, stores, all places you meet women have their own sets of issues like these.

 

OLD, you sit down with a beer listening to some nice music, open your favorites list, and write 3-5 emails in 20-30 minutes. Next day, 1-2 of them have written back. You send the next email asking for phone number yadda yadda. Smooth, easy and time efficient.

 

It's just another tool in the box, not the whole toolbox.

[CryForNoOne]

Where the girl makes you spend days, weeks, hours talking to her before she will agree / decide to meet you for a coffee date. Which isn't how it works for most girls in the real world.

 

Or the guy who will actually spend days, weeks, months talking to a girl who wont see him yet or to get the courage to ask her for the coffee date.

 

It's like both of them are trying to fool everyone into thinking they aren't interested or care if they date even though they went through all the trouble to actually be on a dating website and "message" people to see if they can get a date.

Perhaps this is why OLD "works" for me. I don't waste any time. I started a thread about how it felt like "work" until I got more efficient/effective at it. I'm down to 5-10 minutes/day and I never go more than 5 messages without setting up a date or moving on. I agree the whole pen pal thing is ridiculous.

[TheGuard13]

It's just another tool in the box.

 

Especially for the girls who really clean up on there. If you catch my meaning.

[El Brujo]

can i haz sechs nao?

 

No. Get on your knees and cry for it.