OwlSoul Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Dating. We're at our early 20s, from different countires; different nationalities, races, social statuses and etc. We have been dating more more than half a year. I've jumped to this relationship after the second break-up with my previous boyrfriend. I live most of the year in his country, since I'm a student. Some months were spent on LD, althought we'd always be in skype calls every time when both of us would be able to. We would even sleep with web cameras turned on and so on. Ofc. everything was amazing. First signs of break-up. Then, around the new Year when I was away, I've noticed him getting distanced, felt insecure, started questioning it. Finally, I told him that if he does not love me as much as I do, then I do not need the relationship. He said what I did not expect at all 'I need some time to think'. Later on he suggested to break up because he was afraid that he will hurt me, although he still loves me. I paniced, called him. He was crying and asked for more time to think. He returned back with the decision to keep the relationship. Cool! First Break Up. I returned to his country. We've met, spent few days together. I've left with the feeling something is wrong. So, after few days I finally called to him on Skype and asked him what's up? He said that he loves being with me, but it just feels different. I'm rather a good friend, than a girlfriend. He did not even bother to explain why and what's wrong. Or even say something positive. It was already humilating that he was doing it vie the Internet. Welp, I did not beg & deleted his contacts and through away everything associated with him. I've experienced everything or at least most hearbroken people do. We never argued, I always tried to be ideal and etc. etc. All of it seemed to be so unfair. The Healing Process. I started doing what I was always intending to do. Drawing, music, hanging out with friends and contacting them more often, making my relationship with my familly better and etc. etc. I gained some confidence I felt better, although my heart was dearly asking angels to return him back. NC (7 days)/LC( 2 weeks). I went to no contact for a week. Then I broke it, thinking, that I'm ready to move on and talking to him won't hurt me. Also, we had a lot of mutual friends and a community which would break if we'd start ignoring each other. So I said myself 'Behave like an adult and try to be friends'. He said he is happy and etc. -.- We never chat for more than a couple of phrases, I was always trying to keep the distance. But it hurt. 3 weeks later. I still love you. He admitted, he was an idiot and broke up because he was afraid it won't work. God, it's the typical bs which is said by dumpers. So we decided to hang out as friends in a week. We've been seeing each other. However, shortly, I've noticed the old patterns, he started getting distanced. I asked what's up, and I was replied that he is not sure what he is feeling again. 1.5 week later. We stopped seeing each other and kept on light contact. Soon, he started flirting with me again. So I asked what he is feeling towards me. 'I still love you, but I kind of afraid I guess'. OMG. I asked him what should we do? He wouldn't reply. Few hours I called him in skype, he'd go offline. Then I'd do call to his mobile, he switched it off straightaway. This was one of the worst things he could do, since he was the one getting exptremely offended by being ignored. Something switched inside of me, I felt like that's enough of me. I do not want this relationship, where I struggle and suffered so much and most likely will suffer even more in the future. Funny, how everyone kept saying me that I should move on. Final decision? Just 20 minutes ago he logged on and said that he had a house party and he wanted to talk to me when they'd go away. Dunno why, but I still asked him what he thinks we should do. So he replied he doesn't know again. Uh, finally, I told him that I'm moving on and cannot see myself being with him untill he'll sort all the junk in his head out. My feelings? I do not feel hurt, but angry and dissapointed. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel worse, but I can see the only way out is to break all the chains, everything. Especially, when it is you yourself doing that. Something deep inside of me still wants him back, but there is no way to get back with someone unless you got the control over the relationship. Love is hell, love is **** Can't you tell I've had enough of it Raise your hands, let me hear you yell Love is hell, love is hell, love is hell Theory of a Deadman - Love is Hell (Lyrics) - YouTube
Forever Learning Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Time heals all wounds, hang in there. Get busy getting busy, and stay positive. 1
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