promises Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know that I could've continued the affair. Sometimes that knowledge leaves me feeling like I should've. But, before you jump all over me for that statement, I say that because there is a part of me that feels like he and I would've eventually worked out. It's a messed up mentality, not healthy and not right, but, one that I feel could've happened. Right now I am in a very strange place. I've begun to let him go in my mind more than I ever have before. I am not even thinking about dating others nor am I ready, I realize this. So here I am in limbo not the same woman I was before I met him and not the woman I was with him. Who am I now? Where am I going? For the first time in my life I feel like I have no plan at all. Where do I go from here?
LadyGrey Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know that I could've continued the affair. Sometimes that knowledge leaves me feeling like I should've. But, before you jump all over me for that statement, I say that because there is a part of me that feels like he and I would've eventually worked out. It's a messed up mentality, not healthy and not right, but, one that I feel could've happened. Right now I am in a very strange place. I've begun to let him go in my mind more than I ever have before. I am not even thinking about dating others nor am I ready, I realize this. So here I am in limbo not the same woman I was before I met him and not the woman I was with him. Who am I now? Where am I going? For the first time in my life I feel like I have no plan at all. Where do I go from here? Sometimes it's one day at a time, sometimes one hour at time. Continue on your path of healing. Reflection is good for the soul. 1
stevie_23 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know that I could've continued the affair. Sometimes that knowledge leaves me feeling like I should've. But, before you jump all over me for that statement, I say that because there is a part of me that feels like he and I would've eventually worked out. It's a messed up mentality, not healthy and not right, but, one that I feel could've happened. Right now I am in a very strange place. I've begun to let him go in my mind more than I ever have before. I am not even thinking about dating others nor am I ready, I realize this. So here I am in limbo not the same woman I was before I met him and not the woman I was with him. Who am I now? Where am I going? For the first time in my life I feel like I have no plan at all. Where do I go from here? Oh my goodness, it could be me writing this in many ways. I have also moved on, and find I am letting go more and more as the days go by, but...this morning I found myself wondering if I reached out to my ex-MM now, could it possibly continue the A on? I mean...I decided I don't actually WANT this (and that's a HUGE step forward for me), because I don't think the positives would get anywhere NEAR to outweighing the negatives, and I'd just end up right back where I was last December all over again, when he left me suddenly, except this time I'd feel completely pathetic as well for trying AGAIN to make something work that simply CANNOT. But I do still wonder. And I am also not the woman I was before I was with him, and I can never get back to the woman I was before, and I'm also not the woman I was when I was WITH him either...and I don't know who I am anymore...
Pierre Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know that I could've continued the affair. Sometimes that knowledge leaves me feeling like I should've. But, before you jump all over me for that statement, I say that because there is a part of me that feels like he and I would've eventually worked out. It's a messed up mentality, not healthy and not right, but, one that I feel could've happened. Right now I am in a very strange place. I've begun to let him go in my mind more than I ever have before. I am not even thinking about dating others nor am I ready, I realize this. So here I am in limbo not the same woman I was before I met him and not the woman I was with him. Who am I now? Where am I going? For the first time in my life I feel like I have no plan at all. Where do I go from here? You bought yourself a bright future. The d-day was a blessing in disguise. Buyer's remorse is common even if you got a great deal. Do not worry! 1
spice4life Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I've felt like that before too and I'm happy to say that it doesn't last. There will come a point in time where you will realize that you can choose to take your life in any direction you want. That's a good thing even if you don't see it right now. You will never be who you were before because life changes and you evolve. You will still be who you are at the core - that doesn't change - but with new wisdom. A good question to ask yourself is who do you want to be? If you're life was ideal what would it look like? Then choose to start walking in that direction. 1
neveragain34 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Sometimes it's one day at a time, sometimes one hour at time. Continue on your path of healing. Reflection is good for the soul. I agree. Who says you need a plan? Just take it one day at a time and before you know it, exMM will be a thing of the past. It doesn't feel like it now, but this experience may make you a stronger woman than even before. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, including your A. Perhaps it is leading up to something better life has in store for you....only time will tell what that is.
MissBee Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know that I could've continued the affair. Sometimes that knowledge leaves me feeling like I should've. But, before you jump all over me for that statement, I say that because there is a part of me that feels like he and I would've eventually worked out. It's a messed up mentality, not healthy and not right, but, one that I feel could've happened. Right now I am in a very strange place. I've begun to let him go in my mind more than I ever have before. I am not even thinking about dating others nor am I ready, I realize this. So here I am in limbo not the same woman I was before I met him and not the woman I was with him. Who am I now? Where am I going? For the first time in my life I feel like I have no plan at all. Where do I go from here? I get it. But to put things in perspective: what else is going on in your life besides romantic relationships or the lack thereof? Is you not knowing who you are or where you're going really because you're no longer in an A? Would it have worked? I don't know. But I bet not. I think all relationships that come to the point of ending are often for VERY good reasons and in the case of an A...unless he wanted to divorce before you ever came along, and was working on it, I doubt you would have "eventually worked out." Chances are you'd have been in a years long A still waiting and waiting. It's normal to feel a bit discombobulated after a break up and sometimes the process of growing is like being in a cocoon. You're not a caterpillar anymore, but not yet a butterfly, you're in this limbo space, still growing, still unsure. It's normal, albeit uncomfortable sometimes or scary. But it doesn't stay that way forever. Try to focus on you, what you want and where you want to end up in all aspects of your life and do things day by day to get there, that usually helps. 1
Catplates Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Promises, YOur new life is already happening. Being out of the A frees you and allows you to eventually open your mind to many new people and experiences. You are on the way! Cat
stevie_23 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know that I could've continued the affair. Sometimes that knowledge leaves me feeling like I should've. But, before you jump all over me for that statement, I say that because there is a part of me that feels like he and I would've eventually worked out. What does "worked out" mean to you though? If you and him HAD worked out eventually, what would that have meant for you? From what I've read, he seems a bit...unable to cope with a proper adult relationship and life in general without some kind of emotional crutch (which has been you and possibly his wife too in some ways)...is that what you'd WANT in terms of things "working out?" In terms of an ideal scenario for you and him? Would you WANT him as your partner forever? 1
Got it Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I know that I could've continued the affair. Sometimes that knowledge leaves me feeling like I should've. But, before you jump all over me for that statement, I say that because there is a part of me that feels like he and I would've eventually worked out. It's a messed up mentality, not healthy and not right, but, one that I feel could've happened. Right now I am in a very strange place. I've begun to let him go in my mind more than I ever have before. I am not even thinking about dating others nor am I ready, I realize this. So here I am in limbo not the same woman I was before I met him and not the woman I was with him. Who am I now? Where am I going? For the first time in my life I feel like I have no plan at all. Where do I go from here? Would you have been happy continuing the affair? I think we will focus on the possible gains of the future but there is not givens they will work out. Based on the information you have/had what evidence was there that he would make the steps necessary for you to be together? I think that is what you need to focus on. I completely understand that feeling of untapped potential. That you didn't get a fair shot to "prove yourself". But it is BS. You didn't need to prove yourself, he did. When dMM and I broke up, it was so hard. I had those feelings but, for me, I also knew my line was in the sand at that point and my thought process was that as hard as it was we may meet up again in the future. He needed focus on other areas, I refused to be a bandaid and I refused to continue the affair (now that his wife knew). Time to decide which way he was going to go as the rubber had met the road. It doesn't mean you two don't have a future some day but do you want the guy you see today? I think you deserve a better guy which he can be but he needs to focus on a number of things. He needs to prove that he is good enough for you. Is the guy he is now based on what you know?
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