amythan Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Hello, I need to have your take on this situation because is getting really confusing. I met this guy through work and we were attracted by each other from the first second. He lives in a different town so we do not see each other often though. We emailed back and forth, we asked me out and then he dropped the bomb ... he has a gf ! I backed off but he continued emailing me, trying to get to know me and complementing me all the time. He started texting me and we went out for drinks and then he said that he likes me. We kissed but nothing else happened basically because he feels guilty and I do not want to be the second best. We continued emailing each other but as he is taken i asked him to do not text flirty things and just try to be friends .. but it doesn't work ! We are again flirting and he drunken texted me again last week. Not a booty call thing (mind you he is not even here), just a smiley, and things like i like you and i wanted to say hi. He apologize the day after (as usual) and I told him that i do not like the situation because it makes feel confused and it is always at his leisure. He told me that is is trying to do the right thing but making a mess of it .. Basically I stopped talking to him from this day. I am not upset but I am getting nothing here, just a pen pal. But what does he want ? Why is he wants to try with his gf he is always around me ? I do like him, obviously, but i do not feel he is really interested. He says that i am cool, bright, hot, funny and what not but he is with her so I do not get it really... Thanks for your comments !
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Don't act so innocent. You are being just as wrong as he is... you don't want to be second best yet you are getting involved with a man who has a GF? I swear, some women only have themselves to blame. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 He wants to cheat on his gf with you, and you aren't stopping him. If anything you are egging him on, because you go back and forth between saying that you just want to be friends, and then being flirty. I think you like him and deep down DO want him to cheat on his gf, but you make yourself feel better by being hot and cold with him. Either contine to have an emotional affair or end it and go no contact. There is not going to be any "in between." 2
Author amythan Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 You both probably have a point but ... I can be also wrong here but he is the one in a relationship and the one going hot and cold. I do not text him (i did not even save his number) and he was the one bringing the "i like you" issue. He is the one feeling guilty and the one who comes back. The one who pursued me at the beginning. I do not want him to cheat on her but I do like him. I want him to go out with me though, but I am not trying. He knows we are not on the same page and i am not going to be involved with him while in a relationship. I also think he likes the idea of me liking him because he told me that he finds very strange i like him as i could go out with other guys but he is just being silly ..
Lauriebell82 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You both probably have a point but ... I can be also wrong here but he is the one in a relationship and the one going hot and cold. I do not text him (i did not even save his number) and he was the one bringing the "i like you" issue. He is the one feeling guilty and the one who comes back. The one who pursued me at the beginning. I do not want him to cheat on her but I do like him. I want him to go out with me though, but I am not trying. He knows we are not on the same page and i am not going to be involved with him while in a relationship. I also think he likes the idea of me liking him because he told me that he finds very strange i like him as i could go out with other guys but he is just being silly .. I think he is pursuing you because you are pulling back and then giving him just a little. So he is actually MORE intrigued with you because you are playing "hard to get" so to speak. As I said before, it doesn't appear that there is an inbetween. He is into you, and wants to cheat with you. He doesn't care you aren't "on the same page" because he keeps pursuing you. So if you truely don't want to cheat with him, then you will have to let him go. I know it would be hard because you like him, but COULD you let him go?
FitChick Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Ask him when he is dumping his girlfriend. Of course, since he lives far away you won't know for sure if he's lying unless you spend a weekend at his place. 1
Quiet Storm Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 You both probably have a point but ... I can be also wrong here but he is the one in a relationship and the one going hot and cold. I do not text him (i did not even save his number) and he was the one bringing the "i like you" issue. He is the one feeling guilty and the one who comes back. The one who pursued me at the beginning. I do not want him to cheat on her but I do like him. I want him to go out with me though, but I am not trying. He knows we are not on the same page and i am not going to be involved with him while in a relationship. I also think he likes the idea of me liking him because he told me that he finds very strange i like him as i could go out with other guys but he is just being silly .. Regardless of what your mouth says, your actions are saying that you are willing to be his side piece. By engaging with him, talking to him, having drinks with him... you are giving him the green light to continue grooming you to be the "other woman". He doesn't want you instead of his girlfriend. He wants to have you both. You teach people how to treat you. If you act like you don't deserve more, you won't get more. Acting like you deserve more means you don't give him the time of day until he is single. Your actions have to match your words or else people won't take you seriously. Laughing with him, texting with him...even if your mouth says "No, you have a girlfriend", just shows him that you don't mean what you say. 1
outsidethebox Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I disagree with the women's take on this. She is not interested as "the other woman", she is interested in breaking them up without being the other woman to do it, just the promise of one. She will likely deny she has that intention but that's what she is doing. I'm not saying she would do anything aggressive to break them up such as encouraging it, lying, etc., just passively enticing him with her availability should he leave his gf.
Quiet Storm Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I disagree with the women's take on this. She is not interested as "the other woman", she is interested in breaking them up without being the other woman to do it, just the promise of one. She will likely deny she has that intention but that's what she is doing. I'm not saying she would do anything aggressive to break them up such as encouraging it, lying, etc., just passively enticing him with her availability should he leave his gf. I don't think she wants to be the other woman, but she is putting herself in that role because she is engaging with him and going out with him while he has a girlfriend. I agree that she wants to be the only woman, but her actions seem to suggest she is willing to accept less than that.
outsidethebox Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 No, I don't think so. She's not even willing to flirt with him while he has a gf, much less go out with him. But she's keeping her hand in enough to passively entice him to leave the gf for her.
Yookie Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 No, I don't think so. She's not even willing to flirt with him while he has a gf, much less go out with him. But she's keeping her hand in enough to passively entice him to leave the gf for her. Huh? You must have missed the part where they went out for drinks and kissed? First a kiss, next some making out.. then later who knows? He will keep escalating as long as she allows it.
Author amythan Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Yeah I did kissed him and I honestly (and naively) thought he was serious about me. But once I realized that this could not be the case I stopped completely and he was the one coming back. At this point I told him to call me only when he was really interested. And of course, he came back again ... So no, I do not want to be the other woman. I do like him but I also know what I want. I am just confused because he claims to want to fix things with his gf but acts as he was confused .. 1
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