youaremysunshine Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Men, do you prefer women be less experienced then you in general? I'm dating a man a few years my junior hes (21) who just left his mothers house. He was also homeschooled by her. I'm 24, about to graduate university and been out of the house since 16. He seems to gets pissy when I talk about any of my previous life experiences or oppinions. Even when it comes to things like psychedelic drugs, which he said he loved on his profile he seems to really look down on me for being experienced. He likes to tell me really basic philosophical theories like I have never heard of them or something. Never had a relationship or a job but generally disregards anything I say on thoes matters So men, do you prefer women who have less life experience, insight or oppinions than you? I mean I get everyone likes to seem smart sometimes....
Object_a Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 This guy sounds like he has some serious growing-up to do. Kick his ass to the curb and let someone else school him. Seriously! The only men who like women to be a 'blank slate' are control freaks who won't respect you. A guy expressing disapproval of things you've done in the past is a huge warning sign for this, especially if they get jealous of former lovers. 3
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You are completely incompatible. Like it or not, this will not work for any length of time. It has nothing to do with blank slates.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 He seems to gets pissy when I talk about any of my previous life experiences or oppinions. Even when it comes to things like psychedelic drugs, which he said he loved on his profile he seems to really look down on me for being experienced. He is insecure, it's as simple as that. So men, do you prefer women who have less life experience, insight or oppinions than you? I mean I get everyone likes to seem smart sometimes.... As a man in his early 30's, I can say I don't want a blank slate. I want someone who has lived a life, not spent their life up until the time I meet them preparing to live it. 1
StanMusial Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You are completely incompatible. Like it or not, this will not work for any length of time. It has nothing to do with blank slates. My thoughts exactly. It makes no sense why you are even dating him. 1
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Yeah I have a creeping feeling i need to end it.I guess I thought his inexperience was charming and he would want to experience new things with me. Also, I've dated plenty of very sexually experienced men who were looking for just that, only sex. I'm at a point now where I want a stable relationship and I thought a guy who had never dated might be more likely to develop strong feelings for me. That and he completely misrepresented himself in the early stages of dating. For some reason he seems to want to see me all the time. I'm also his only friend. How can I end it gently?
ltjg45 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 So men, do you prefer women who have less life experience, insight or oppinions than you? I mean I get everyone likes to seem smart sometimes.... Doesn't matter. I actually prefer someone who is more experienced since I am "behind the times", sort to speak. I'm not going to look down on a female because she has seen more than I am. On that same token, I'm not going to look down on a female that has seen so little.
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 A blank slate sounds so boring. I am 22 and I still wouldn't consider myself a blank slate... what does that mean anyways? My boyfriend has a TON more experiences than me, and yeah, sometimes I get jealous that he has lived this insane life, but at the same time, I've had my own experiences too. Overall I am happy he has done all the things he has... it makes him interesting!
ja123 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I wouldn't say he's a pyscho, but young, inexperienced and insecure. He probably wants to be an equal partner, but he allows his insecurities to undermine and sabotage that. He discounts his own experiences just because they may be different and less varied than yours. OP, it does sound like you are at 2 different life stages, even though there's not much of an age gap. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 You might be incompatable, but I have also learned that I must rarely if ever discuss my past with others that I don't know all that well. That goes for friends as well as coworkers, because people will take information about you and use it against you. It could be something completely trivial like "my favorite color is blue", people will take it and use it against you. I have encountered quite a few who are complete douches, who like to question you about your whole history (and could they care less about your job history but it's always about your sexual history). When I do, I either say "Oh, I'd rather not talk about that". Then if they push I will say in my cop voice "I would rather not talk about that, thank you." If they continue to push after that second warning, I say "Get bent" and walk away.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 So men, do you prefer women who have less life experience, insight or oppinions than you? I mean I get everyone likes to seem smart sometimes.... The more insights and opinions, the better! But I would definitely be uncomfortable if I didn't feel that my life/emotional experience was not at least in the same ballpark as my partner. That ballpark allows for a lot of variation but probably not what seems to crop up on LS a lot -- quiet guy with 2 past partners in the last 10 years pairs up with a former party girl who has 50+ past partners. I think there is broad agreement that during that attraction stage, guys are supposed take the lead and "know what we want". Well, having a lot less life experience than your partner undermines that -- we can feel it and it can lower our comfort level. Women seem to take that as an insult on them, but I think it is more about uncertainly on a guy's part to find that masculine role he's comfortable in.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 This is a good point for some guys, but certainly not all. Depends on the reasons for the mismatch in experience and whether they have shared values regarding relationships. Typically, it's a mismatch in values that is at the heart of many of these problems. Also, why is the guy inexperienced? For example, was it a conscious choice despite numerous opportunities, or something that was outside the guy's control? If the latter, jealousy, insecurity, and worries about inadequacy are often problems. OP, to address your last question: For some reason he seems to want to see me all the time. I'm also his only friend. How can I end it gently? He's not going to be motivated to go out and find new friends as long as you fill his needs. Breaking up is best done like removing a Band-aid: quickly, firmly, with conviction, and without delay. That's the kindest way to proceed. Example: "You're a wonderful person, but this relationship isn't working out for me. Unfortunately, I don't see a future with you, so I am breaking up with you." Don't drag it out and tentatively pull it off one hair at a time. That's unnecessarily traumatic all around. Just end it.
dichotomy Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) I look for someone who shares some core beliefs with me on things like sex, honesty, money, spirituality, relationship dynamics, etc... more so than actual past acts or experiences. Edited March 16, 2013 by dichotomy
hppr Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Only reason I can figure for you two dating is that you're both pretty full of yourselves. Otherwise it sounds like you have zero in common where it matters (education, life experiences, where you want to be in 10 years sort of thing).
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