Bigcitydreamer Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I just wanted to say that this has happened to me more then once. I've had my ex go out with my friends on 2 separate occasions that I can think of off the top of my head. There may be more but if so I have forgotten about them I know how unbelievably painful it is. Prob one of the worst feelings ever. But what I can say is that I completely got over it as soon as I met someone else. That happened to me years ago and the most recent one not too long ago. And the pain is literally non existent. It blows big time but once you are over it u will have the last laugh. I honestly don't care anymore and like u what hurt me the most was the actions of my "friends" but now I am not friends with those girls I just cut them out of my life. It sucked at the time but now I feel bad for the both of those girls that did that because either way u look at it they have my sloppy seconds and I know what their partner is like in bed lol. Sucks to be them! Hopefully ur healing doesn't take too long. Good luck
LaBa Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 What I discovered over the years is that only person that you CAN CONTROL is yourself. And best thing to do is to envision yourself what you want to be, how you want to be seen and strive for it. I think in your situation you certainly DON'T want to be seen as desperate, depressed and weak person, but rather strong, successful and happy. Look your ex and your mate are just starting to date - trust me they are already starting on shaky grounds- it's almost 99% guaranteed that it will end in disaster sooner or later. And you should envision yourself observing that disaster from a happy place and more importantly neutral place where none of the two can shake your mood for a second. Do it out of spite if you cant do it for yourself jet - trust me this works!!!!!
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Humans do human things. If he was your best friend, chances are you saw eye to eye on a lot of things. Is it really any wonder you might have similar tastes in women too? I'm sorry.... sometimes, we hurt.... and then we just look for more reasons to hurt more... "I'm already nasal-flossing with razor wire... let's just find a reason to stick pins under my nails, too....":rolleyes: Quit checking. What's done is done. It may last with them, it may not. Not your business. Your job is to heal yourself, and move on.
fixing Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Fook them both. There both, sad pathetic, heartless and classless idiots, and you know what? THEY DESERVE EACHOTHER. Come on now m8, your better than this, chin up bud and NC
Mack05 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Calgary NC is blocking, not EVER looking. Please please no more excuses. Block and move on. You need to understand we have been there seen that...
Author calgary Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Blocked them both. i'm completely numb today. it still hasn't hit me, i'm trying my best to not think about it or i'll probably break down.. it turns out one of my other friends took her out for drinks and told her he liked her but she turned him down. I don't know who I can trust around here. I feel like everybody is so nice to my face.. it was only two weeks ago I was buying him beers and laughing about my ex and now he's staying over at her place. how on earth can people do that ? how can she do that to me after everything I ever did for her ? scumbags. I am better than this and I deserve better, but I don't trust anybody.. it'll ruin my next relationship because i'll be so paranoid and jealous and sceptical.
na49 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 She doesn't have your best interest in mind when she's doing all of this, and neither does he. You're a non issue to them right now. They're doing what they feel is right. whether you're okay with it or not, doesn't matter to them. You won't deserve anyone until you learn to trust again. You're not there yet and that's fine, you'll get there though. We all will. 1
Author calgary Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 my friends keep saying I should text him and say something but I wouldn't even know what to say right now and I don't know what the point would be ? it's not going to stop him or make him feel bad.. it'd probably just encourage both of them even more.
Mack05 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 it'll ruin my next relationship because i'll be so paranoid and jealous and sceptical. Yep cause you will allow it to. You will allow these people to get the better of you. Welcome to world buddy..
Author calgary Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Yep cause you will allow it to. You will allow these people to get the better of you. Welcome to world buddy.. true, i can't believe i let people like this mess me up so much. i can't believe i'm still upset about people like this. what is even wrong with me ?
beyond Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 true, i can't believe i let people like this mess me up so much. i can't believe i'm still upset about people like this. what is even wrong with me ? Hey calgary, hard though this is, you don't help yourself with this negative thinking ..."what is even wrong with me?". Why are you putting their behaviour onto yourself - you can't control what they do, only yourself and how you act. There was a post on here, that summed it up - I think it was from Mack (he speaks a lot of sense, so much so, I don't really see the point of posting as he puts it so well dammit!) it was to do with self esteem. Once you have worked on your self esteem you will realise that you only want people around you who are good for you and have your best interests at heart. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 true, i can't believe i let people like this mess me up so much. i can't believe i'm still upset about people like this. what is even wrong with me ? This is a pretty big kick to the nuts. You aren't a bad person because you are reacting negatively to it. But you do need to learn to be confident in yourself and stop being scared of life. That's something that will help you avoid these situations and these type of people in the future.
Author calgary Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 This is a pretty big kick to the nuts. You aren't a bad person because you are reacting negatively to it. But you do need to learn to be confident in yourself and stop being scared of life. That's something that will help you avoid these situations and these type of people in the future. would have never expected it from either of them though, I thought they were the best of a bad bunch! i'm so down. I haven't eaten today. I just realized now. I wish I knew what these people were like before I took them under my wing as friends and girlfriends.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 would have never expected it from either of them though, I thought they were the best of a bad bunch! i'm so down. I haven't eaten today. I just realized now. I wish I knew what these people were like before I took them under my wing as friends and girlfriends. What's done is done though. Nothing you can do about it now. A period of mourning is normal, but you can't let their betrayal continue to beat you down.
fancy feast Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'm actually pretty angry for you. That's a pretty low thing for a (former?) friend to do. Good job on cutting them out, though. Since you said the rest of your friends seem to be on your side, my advice is to be proactive and invite them to hang out with you.
robaday Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I feel for you man, big hugs, neither have behaved well in this, but in some ways, as bad as it is, it may help you move on, knowing that this has happened - theres no going back now, and it makes it completely final, not that that makes it easier. Is part of the pain because you didnt fully accept it was over when it ended? Also, if she didnt treat you well, you have one consolation outta this - she wont treat him well either - its his problem now and maybe you should feel sorry for him, cause hes just shown to all your mates he cant be trusted as a friend, and now hes stuck with someone who will probably treat him badly too!
Author calgary Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 everybody is right, I did the best thing cutting people like that out of my life. I was right to presume everything I did, I wasn't looking into stuff too much. i'm going out with friends tonight, but when they all go to the club I usually go to with them i'm just gonna head home, I don't want to bump into them both holding hands around the place. she was flirting with other guys in front of me so she'll probably do it to him too although he isn't exactly a saint, he slept with a random girl last weekend. neither of them are trust worthy.. it's a bad base to built a relationship on betraying a friend/ ex like they both have done. not my concern anymore though. I don't want her back now my old friend can tell me how good she is in bed etc.
Chi townD Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 true, i can't believe i let people like this mess me up so much. i can't believe i'm still upset about people like this. what is even wrong with me ? What do you mean, what's wrong with you? You got betrayed. You have a right to be upset. Go out and have fun. Leave when they go to the club. They'll know why and if they do happen to see them, your true friends is going to read him the riot act. They'll tell him that he's a low down f*cknut, scumbag, douche rocket, slag f*cking turd bag, pond scum, jackass, *********, d*ckless coward, going after somones sloppy seconds. Then, you'll know who your true friends are.
Chi townD Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 true, i can't believe i let people like this mess me up so much. i can't believe i'm still upset about people like this. what is even wrong with me ? What do you mean, what's wrong with you? You got betrayed. You have a right to be upset. Go out and have fun. Leave when they go to the club. They'll know why and if they do happen to see them, your true friends is going to read him the riot act. They'll tell him that he's a low down f*cknut, scumbag, douche rocket, slag f*cking turd bag, pond scum, jackass, ass hat, d*ckless coward, going after somones sloppy seconds. Then, you'll know who your true friends are.
adelia Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I think if people ended up like you they'd be lucky! You've taken some difficult times in your life and risen above them and come out a strong minded kind person. Any girl should be lucky to be with you! Calgary I'm no expert but I think time and getting away from these people is the answer. You've gone forward two steps then back ten. Once you've been away from them for awhile you'll feel better. Hang out with friends not connected to them. Eventually out of sight out of mind but it takes time. Question one. Have you blocked them both yes/no? If's a no please do it NOW!!!!!! Right now you have given them your power. You need to take it back Calgary.. So many people have been through what you have been through. It happened to me in College. I was CRAZY about this girl and a guy who I thought was a friend kissed her (when we were still together). I had a pretty sheltered life (in a great way) until then. When it happened, I was just so hurt. I couldn't get my head around it. It's a shame people stoop to such levels. I don't understand the psyche behind this behaviour. I am so glad that I don't. You need to rise above it. Accept there are people who don't have the same standards and morals as we do. Accept sometimes people have a cruel nature, that we are not meant to understand. You are so full of anger. That's ok for now, but eventually you have to work past it. A great saying is "harbouring resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die". At some stage you have to let this go. You need to forgive them and move on. This clip -> I post many times on this site. It explains why forgiveness is so important. By forgiving them (this won't happen over night) you are taking your power back from them. Calgary if you keep going to way you are going, you are going to get more and more bitter. That is not the worst part. If you continue on your current path, you will bring this 'baggage' into a new relationship and it may cost you someone very special..I speak from experience. Mate, bar my family and friends I've lost everything. I've done so much damage to myself, its doubtful I will ever met the right girl. It's the reason I spend time on this site. I don't want people to end up like me. Don't get me wrong I'm happy and I'm lucky, but I would love to share my heart with someone special. Don't choose the path I did, because honestly I see so much of me in you.
Mumbles Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Humans do human things. If he was your best friend, chances are you saw eye to eye on a lot of things. Is it really any wonder you might have similar tastes in women too?[ I'm sorry.... sometimes, we hurt.... and then we just look for more reasons to hurt more... "I'm already nasal-flossing with razor wire... let's just find a reason to stick pins under my nails, too....":rolleyes: Quit checking. What's done is done. It may last with them, it may not. Not your business. Your job is to heal yourself, and move on. This last in particular. Mate, its the male territorial thing biting you in the ass big time. I cried tears of blood and anger when my ex-wife and I separated and within the month she'd seen 2-3 different guys - sure, none of them were friends of mine, that would really sting, I with you on that one - but honestly, now, I couldn't care less what my lovers get up to. People do what people do, you can't internalise it. When "your woman" is no longer "your woman" she's free to do whatever she wants, as are you. It stings because males are territorial about their women by nature - you have to take a deep breath and let it go. Girls know this about men too. If she's hurting herself and wants to share some of that pain then she knows this type of activity will stab you right in the heart. Move on; find a new lady. Its glib, but the best revenge really is living (and loving) well. 1
Author calgary Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 I don't understand her at all, I don't know why since the break up she keeps doing things that involved me slightly.. always getting me to stick around in her life some how.. I don't get why she didn't fight to save the relationship. I don't get why she's doing this to me now. do you think the fact she's seeing my friend is related to me at all? or is it unintentional that i'm involved and that she just likes him? I feel like it's a dig at me in some sick way. but maybe i'm wrong.. people tell me I look into things too much.. but I looked into them flirting and I was right I couldn't trust him. so i'm taking it, she's using him to upset me. but that might not be true. i know it doesn't really matter and i need to just forget about it, but i'm just curious to know what other people think.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I don't understand her at all, I don't know why since the break up she keeps doing things that involved me slightly.. always getting me to stick around in her life some how.. I don't get why she didn't fight to save the relationship. I don't get why she's doing this to me now. do you think the fact she's seeing my friend is related to me at all? or is it unintentional that i'm involved and that she just likes him? I feel like it's a dig at me in some sick way. but maybe i'm wrong.. people tell me I look into things too much.. but I looked into them flirting and I was right I couldn't trust him. so i'm taking it, she's using him to upset me. but that might not be true. i know it doesn't really matter and i need to just forget about it, but i'm just curious to know what other people think. It might have something to do with you, it might not. It really doesn't matter in the least and continuing to think about it is unnecessary torture. So stop. No answer will satisfy you. 1
Minneloa Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 i know it doesn't really matter and i need to just forget about it I know you are having a rough time, and I sympathize. You know what you need to do. In this case, curiosity is just self-torture. What actvities can you do to distract yourself from these thoughts today?
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