Relationships seem to cause me great anxiety, how can I overcome and prevent it?

[WelshKoala]

Hi all,

 

 

I recently posted a message in the Dating section about a guy I've been dating (I'm a guy too just to let you know) which started off really good, if not a little too quick, but he's given me the 'its not me its you, i dont want to hurt you, im not sure what i want' conversation all of a sudden out of nowhere and now seems to have lost interest. Nothing actually happened to cause this, just came out of nowhere.

 

I was dating someone at the end of last year too which I didn't expect as I wasn't initially attracted until they told me they really liked me, and that they were falling for me, and then... so did I. But it went awful, he rarely talked to me and hardly showed interest at all and then ended up telling me he wasn't sure what he wanted either (!!!!). I really struggled with the rejection. Strangely, a month later, he started to ask me if it was too late for us as he was 'mad about me' but I said no way, the attraction had gone.

 

Anyway, during both these times, I seem to let myself fall too quick. I seem to 'rely' on the relationship once I have some sort of confirmation that things are going well. It's like once I'm let on the elevator, I keep going up whether its slow or fast, but i can't turn back around without struggling.

 

It does seem that I've not had much luck and that my relationships seem to go the same way, start off really really good then I get rejected all of a sudden. And as soon as that one negative moment hits me, I panic. I worry like crazy. The fact that I have almost fallen for the person and/or just keep thinking about the person makes things worse. I worry so much and think so much about the relationship that it takes over my day to day tasks, my whole working lifestyle and its ruining me!

 

I really really want a relationship, I feel like I really need it. To me I don't think of horrible words like 'commitment' or 'settling', I just think of a relationship as a catalyst, something to complete me, and I'd hope it would complete the other person too. I want to share my life with someone, have that support, love and intimacy.

 

But anyway, I'm really struggling with this anxiety, it's like my heart is big but it's weak. I don't know how not to panic when starting or in a relationship? Can anyone offer any advice on this?

 

Thank you!

[The Tallest One]

WelshKoala, I can relate to what your saying! I too when in a relationship spend soooo much time thinking of the other person and the relationship! It consumes me!

 

What I feel is a problem for both of us is that we want a relationship too much! It's also a mistake to think another person or relationship will complete us! That just sets us up for heartache!

 

I'm just a month to the day after being dumped and I'm realizing that I need to really take some time for myself! I invest more in the other person than I do myself! We have to have a solid relationship with ourselves before we are ready for someone else!

 

This will stop us from almost obsessing when in a relationship and feeling so anxious! Don't take rejection personally, it is them and not us!