bohica Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I've had a break up that I am having major trouble getting over. It's been a couple of months since any contact I'm keeping myself busy in many ways. Work, gym, friends, etc.. Can't say I've put myself out there at all which would help. It was her birthday the other day so I can't help but thinking of her but I really have never stopped. I think I know deep down she isn't the one for me but I am sometimes very confused. Here is my confusion. I know there are thousands of women out there and the reality is there is always someone who can fill your needs just the same or even exceed your expectations. There will always be someone else out there who can give you what it is you were missing, what it is you need. There is always better. That's reality. We all settle to a certain extent. It's who or what we choose to settle with that matters. We take the good and the bad. We choose to live with the gaps and work through the differences. I'll spare all of you all the details but my last relationship was far from perfect. There were so many issues, no fighting, just barriers and differences that never went away. In the beginning I thought they would but in the end they didn't. A lot of my needs and what I want from a relationship (which I thought were there in the beginning) weren't being filled. I think she was capable of it but in the end I learned that just didn't want to. I feel very used and taken advantage of. I gave her all the things she needed emotionally but in the end she did a 180. The things I did get in the beginning were gone. She longer seemed to have interest. I no longer felt loved as I once did. The thing is, through out our of differences, all the barriers and obstacles in spite of all my doubt I truly loved spending time with her. We both genuinely enjoy being in each others company. When we were together that's all that mattered and we had a great time. I felt close to her for a long time. For a while I was in denial because I thought that was all that matters but I miss that friendship, that feeling of just enjoying being with someone. Is that wrong? Can two people be with each other in spite of all the differences and obstacles if the joy of being with each other in the same room is all that matters?
lookingaround Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I know how you feel! I keep asking myself if my ex and I were incompatible, or if it was just a situation of wrong place/wrong time and these obstacles were creating problems. If anyone else out there can offer advice, I would love to hear it too!
USMCHokie Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Yes, my last girlfriend. There were so many reasons we shouldn't have worked out, yet I could still see myself being with her for the long haul.
Author bohica Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Yes, my last girlfriend. There were so many reasons we shouldn't have worked out, yet I could still see myself being with her for the long haul. You say 'last girfriend' so I assume your no longer in it for the long haul. I know what you mean though when you say you could 'still see yourself' with her. In spite of everything I still was able to envision her in my life in the future. It sucks because at the same time I began to think she wasn't for me. She was never really my type to begin with but it was an opposite attracts sort of thing.
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) Wait, I'm sorry if I missed this but did she break up with you? Okay, stupid question after re reading it. That's why you're upset still. You made it sound like you knew you were incompatible? But yes, I know that even knowing that really makes no difference when you just enjoy spending time with the person. Edited March 15, 2013 by asdfasdf1234
Author bohica Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Wait, I'm sorry if I missed this but did she break up with you? Okay, stupid question after re reading it. That's why you're upset still. You made it sound like you knew you were incompatible? But yes, I know that even knowing that really makes no difference when you just enjoy spending time with the person. Ok. So it's not as simple as who broke up with who. It didn't end so abruptly like that and yes I did have a lot of thought regarding if we were compatible or not and that's what made it confusing. I enjoyed being with her, a lot. Again, there was a big 180 on her behalf. It's a long story and I don't want to start getting into details but it's kind of like the love blind thing. It all seems so great and someone is into you and would do anything with you and then a different side to them starts to reveal itself and you begin to question whether not you even know this person. You begin to think that hey maybe I have this person pegged all wrong or maybe I knew it all along but was in denial. Basically this person decided they wanted to be alone and go have a good time. Our moral compass and values are different as it turns out...This can easily get off topic..... Do you feel that two people who don't have much in common who have to deal with a lot obstacles still be with each other if they just simple love spending time with each other?
Amelie1980 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I know how you feel! I keep asking myself if my ex and I were incompatible, or if it was just a situation of wrong place/wrong time and these obstacles were creating problems. If anyone else out there can offer advice, I would love to hear it too! I totally agree...life problems can get in the way making an otherwise compatible couple grow apart. There is also the factor that relationships are disposable these days. People no longer try, a few problems and they are ready to throw it all away. People also have the mindset that they won't settle for anything less than what they are looking for...their ideal. There is no ideal partner, nobody is perfect and the ideal partner does not exist. There will always be "settlement" in some areas of a relationship. If you hold out for perfection, you May let someone go who made you happy and risk being too picky in never finding what you're looking for.
orionboxing Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I think this is why you see some divorced couples actually remarry and have a better relationship the second time around. You would wonder why someone would do that, but you cannot deny the connection that two people have through thick and thin. Think of it this way.... You have this large mastiff dog that lives with you. It craps everywhere, it’s a slob, it eats just about everything including garbage, but every day you are excited to come home and hug it, kiss it and take care of it. You would never think of opening the door and letting it just run away. There is no perfect relationship. I’ve been through many. You can’t look back say every thing was right. But there are people worth fighting for. My ex and I had a few problems and I asked to divorce. There were things that we just couldn’t resolve together and we went through some trauma. This, however, never changed my love for her and it never will.
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