what should i do with this girl?

[kingjeremy]

long story short i was dating a girl at work who happened to be an assistant manager. we broke up because of her personal reasons. i was alright, i went on and hardly talked to her for a week. it drove her crazy. she came back and wants to get back together, but after christmas so she can finish her personal stuff. now im thinkng, should i back off until then, or should i try and keep close to her?

 

i dont want to end up friends after christmas. we'd gotten really close.

 

thanks

[Tony T]

She wants to wait to get back together until AFTER Christmas, nearly a month away. Tell her to stick it!!!

 

Christmas is a special time and people who really care about each other like to be together for the holidays. This chick is jerking your chain.

[Nic]

it sounds a bit strange that she's putting a time limit on her personal stuff. why is she so sure she will have it sorted out by christmas?

 

if she knows how you feel about her, and if she's really keen to get the relationship moving, well she knows where you are and she will come back to you.

 

but don't hang around hoping too much in the meantime. you can never be guaranteed that once her problems are sorted out, she will want to be with you. but on the other hand, she may be sorting out her problems because she wants to be with you. you would be able to know better than i which angle is the more likely one.

 

the best thing to do, while someone is sorting out their problems, is back off if they want to do it on their own. she will appreciate you for it. let her know you're there if she ever needs to talk to someone, but apart from that, leave her to her own devices. talk to her like anyone else at your work would do, but don't get personal.

 

if things don't work out, it doesn't mean you can't still be close, but in a different kind of way. anyway, you said when you broke up, you were fine, so you'll be fine again if things don't work out. just don't let it get in the way of your work.

long story short i was dating a girl at work who happened to be an assistant manager. we broke up because of her personal reasons. i was alright, i went on and hardly talked to her for a week. it drove her crazy. she came back and wants to get back together, but after christmas so she can finish her personal stuff. now im thinkng, should i back off until then, or should i try and keep close to her? i dont want to end up friends after christmas. we'd gotten really close. thanks

[kimmi]

it sounds a bit strange that she's putting a time limit on her personal stuff. why is she so sure she will have it sorted out by christmas?

 

if she knows how you feel about her, and if she's really keen to get the relationship moving, well she knows where you are and she will come back to you. but don't hang around hoping too much in the meantime. you can never be guaranteed that once her problems are sorted out, she will want to be with you. but on the other hand, she may be sorting out her problems because she wants to be with you. you would be able to know better than i which angle is the more likely one. the best thing to do, while someone is sorting out their problems, is back off if they want to do it on their own. she will appreciate you for it. let her know you're there if she ever needs to talk to someone, but apart from that, leave her to her own devices. talk to her like anyone else at your work would do, but don't get personal.

 

if things don't work out, it doesn't mean you can't still be close, but in a different kind of way. anyway, you said when you broke up, you were fine, so you'll be fine again if things don't work out. just don't let it get in the way of your work.

getting back together will not happen if there is a time limit on her getting her person stuff in place. i can not think of why someone would say that , really how does she know that it will take that long or that short?

 

another thing, why do you not want to be her friend? i am a very strong believer that you must be friends before you can get serious with someone.

 

one more point, yes people do need at times, time to sort out there personal stuff but breaking up and dealing with it does not put strengh in the relationship, it's everthing kinnda like a combo pack.

 

go on in life and if things happen after christmas then great but do not wait for someone else. that gives her to much control over the relationship and also your emotions!!!! if she sees that you are willing to wait you never know how you will be treated in the relationship.

 

do not change the way that you are being, be there for her but do not get overly there for her, let her come to you.

[Deejette]

Yes, she came back to you after breaking it off for personal reasons. Part of the reason she came back was because she could see that you were distancing yourself from her and she couldn't stand it. She wants everything to be in her control. She breaks it up, she tells you she wants to get back together after Xmas, meanwhile, you have to wait.

 

She is calling the shots. Is that the position you want to be in?

getting back together will not happen if there is a time limit on her getting her person stuff in place. i can not think of why someone would say that , really how does she know that it will take that long or that short? another thing, why do you not want to be her friend? i am a very strong believer that you must be friends before you can get serious with someone. one more point, yes people do need at times, time to sort out there personal stuff but breaking up and dealing with it does not put strengh in the relationship, it's everthing kinnda like a combo pack. go on in life and if things happen after christmas then great but do not wait for someone else. that gives her to much control over the relationship and also your emotions!!!! if she sees that you are willing to wait you never know how you will be treated in the relationship. do not change the way that you are being, be there for her but do not get overly there for her, let her come to you.