lookingaround Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Hi Everyone, So after my ex broke-up with me, I began NC. The only time I slipped was when it was his birthday, and I sent him a short e-mail wishing him well. He didn't respond right away, but 10 days later he apologized for the late response, said the e-mail was sweet, and hoped I was doing well. I did not respond to this. I have to seem him at a work-related conference in a little less than a month. I am very nervous since we have not been in contact. I've mainly been doing NC for my own benefit, so that I can move on, but I still think of him a lot and wonder how he is doing. I'd like to be friends with him, but I don't know if we are at a place where that is possible (it's been a month and a half since the break-up). Considering that he has not reached out to me at all, I'm beginning to wonder if he cared at all, and that has also been hurtful and upsetting. But maybe we are both trying to process our feelings right now, so he just needs space. I deleted him from skype and facebook, but he still has my number and e-mail. We broke up over distance, but I asked him if there was another girl he was interested in. He admitted that he had "strong feelings" for a girl he met ONLY 2 WEEKS before the break-up. I am also keeping my distance because I am sure that if he is pursuing this girl, the last thing he wants is his ex hanging around, annoying him. My ex never cried when he was around me, but he was crying more than I was during the break-up, saying "Why do you have to be so sweet?" He also asked if we could remain friends, but I made it known that I was interested in that at this time. I said "We'll see where we are in 6 months...we'll probably be friends." He said "I hope I am a better person in 6 months." All of this makes me think that he probably doesn't care about me, but he probably feels guilty about hurting me and is trying to ease his guilt by saying these things. I guess I wanted to hear other people's opinions on this situation. Am I looking too much into the response e-mail he sent me? Does he care for me (not in a romantic sense)? Do you think he will try to talk to me when I have to see him at the conference? I am going to be cordial, but I am not going to try to seek him out or try to make contact at the event (there will probably be about 80 people there). What have other people done in a situation like this? I think I will be pretty devastated if he doesn't try to talk to me, see how I am doing.
Author lookingaround Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 The other thing he did during the week before we broke up was paint me a picture...I don't know what to make of this whole situation. Prior to the break-up, we had a week of not talking to each other because I could sense that he wanted some space to think, so I told him "Let's not talk for a week, and you can figure out what you need." (We usually talked everyday, or at least texted). After a week of not talking (he was still e-mailing me though...) I called him. He asked if he could call me the next day. I was silent, and he said "No, no, let's talk tonight." I knew in my heart he was going to break-up with me. When he said the words, I asked him "You knew you wanted to break-up with me and you were going to wait a whole nother day to tell me?" His response: "I thought if I slept on it, I might change my mind" He doesn't know what he wants, right? Am I crazy? I guess I just feel like I don't have closure, I don't know where I stand, I have no idea what he's thinking, and that is why I am so nervous about seeing him in a month. Can anyone give me ANY advice on how to handle this situation, or what my ex might be thinking?
KatZee Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) Long story short: He dumped you for someone else. That's all you need to keep drilling into your head. Stop being a doormat. Stop worrying about how he views you or if you guys are able to be friends. He hasn't even reached out since the split. I think the only thing he's worried about is a new girl and his own guilt over hurting you. If you must interact at a work event, keep it cordial, keep it professional and then be on your way. I know breakup's hurt and you have questions and hope to be friends one day, but honestly the only thing you should be worrying about right now is you, your best interest, your own healing, your own life. Forget him and this new girl he has such strong feelings for. I don't really see a true friendship happening right now. Are you going to be able to sit there and watch him be all cute and cuddly with a new girl? Probably not. Good work with the NC. Keep it going. Edited March 15, 2013 by KatZee 1
Author lookingaround Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks KatZee. I think that's the hard truth I need to hear. But what should I do if he tries to talk to me about the relationship, in order to ease his own guilt? I'm worried it might open old wounds on my end. Should I just say "I'm not going to talk about this with you." ?
KatZee Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks KatZee. I think that's the hard truth I need to hear. But what should I do if he tries to talk to me about the relationship, in order to ease his own guilt? I'm worried it might open old wounds on my end. Should I just say "I'm not going to talk about this with you." ? Just be like, "Please respect my wishes to not bring up the past. It is not appropriate. I am trying to move on." Then go immerse yourself with your other coworkers. No need to be caught with him alone for ANY reason. 1
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