adrian1014 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Hey guys so i have finally gone a long month without making contact with my ex, so basically i went out with her for nearly nine months, we were both happy together until she started seeing me more as a best friend than a boyfriend and i got dumped but she wasnt sure about the decision at the time, long story short after trying to be friends with her i just couldnt handle it anymore so went into NC and here i am a month after she hasnt messaged me or anything. i mean i told her not to contact me anymore and she called me a couple times then sent me a message saying how dissapointed and shocked she is and that she would like us to be friends and she wont contact me until i want to talk to her again etc etc. i still really like her and i know that a lot of people have told me i can do way better even her own bro because she was a pre bad gf never made any effort but i still loved her so i dono how much longer should i keep the NC a part of me still really wants her in my life.. i dont want to lose her but at the same time its ***n hard being friends i dont know is this space likely to give her the chance to miss me or am i just wasting my time?
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You want to be her SO but she wants you as only a friend. Time to move on. good morning
xpaperxcutx Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 NC only works if you really don't ever want to see or talk to her again. It doesn't work if you still want to have some contact with her. Obviously, if she feels she only wants you as a friend, then you can only keep her away at a distance and move on.
KS11 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Mate, Totally get what you're going through. I'm a month NC this weekend. Long story short: After two a bit years of being close friends, her knowing full well that I was in love with her, she eventually made a move and we gave it a go for a several months. However, she realised her heart wasn't saying the same as her heart and basically it wasn't working. In our last conversation she asked me if we could ever be friends. I can't explain how much I want her in my life, but even though at the time I said I didn't know, in all honesty there's simply no way that can happen again. I spent over two years having to suppress my feelings and that was only because I was holding out for something to happen. Knowing that if we were to become friends again it would only ever be just that would kill me. More than that, I don't really see where I would fit in. Undoubtedly there would be a point where she would meet someone, in which case what does she need me for? I'm not so good at explaining it, but to me, it just wouldnt feel right to go back to how we were knowing it was only as friends. I don't know about your situation but also, just in terms of trying to get that friendship back after whats happened, how much its hurt just seems impossible. Thats part of the reason, right now, I don't really have an urge to speak to her, I wouldnt know what to say or how to say it. Which is truly heartbreaking. Becoming strangers to someone you love so much just doesnt seem right. Im rambling I know. I guess what i'm trying to say is from my experience, if you still have deep feelings for this girl you cannot be friends. Unless you want to eat away at you, and it will! There's a lot more I could write. I think you have to ride the NC out until the feelings dissolve. Even for myself just saying that hurts, just another reminder of whats gone!
Thunderchild Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Hey guys so i have finally gone a long month without making contact with my ex, so basically i went out with her for nearly nine months, we were both happy together until she started seeing me more as a best friend than a boyfriend and i got dumped but she wasnt sure about the decision at the time, long story short after trying to be friends with her i just couldnt handle it anymore so went into NC and here i am a month after she hasnt messaged me or anything. i mean i told her not to contact me anymore and she called me a couple times then sent me a message saying how dissapointed and shocked she is and that she would like us to be friends and she wont contact me until i want to talk to her again etc etc. i still really like her and i know that a lot of people have told me i can do way better even her own bro because she was a pre bad gf never made any effort but i still loved her so i dono how much longer should i keep the NC a part of me still really wants her in my life.. i dont want to lose her but at the same time its ***n hard being friends i dont know is this space likely to give her the chance to miss me or am i just wasting my time? Well done on your month of NC. The 'friends' thing is such a load of BS, but just remember she wants to be 'friends' for a reason ie it is for her benefit - not yours. Your priority is Numero Uno - end of. No buts, maybe's possibly's or anything else. Focus on you - because she's focussing on her; what suits her, what benefits her and what is to her advantage. Get rid of her from your life, get healed, get confident, get a better girlfriend! 1
Author adrian1014 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Mate, Totally get what you're going through. I'm a month NC this weekend. Long story short: After two a bit years of being close friends, her knowing full well that I was in love with her, she eventually made a move and we gave it a go for a several months. However, she realised her heart wasn't saying the same as her heart and basically it wasn't working. In our last conversation she asked me if we could ever be friends. I can't explain how much I want her in my life, but even though at the time I said I didn't know, in all honesty there's simply no way that can happen again. I spent over two years having to suppress my feelings and that was only because I was holding out for something to happen. Knowing that if we were to become friends again it would only ever be just that would kill me. More than that, I don't really see where I would fit in. Undoubtedly there would be a point where she would meet someone, in which case what does she need me for? I'm not so good at explaining it, but to me, it just wouldnt feel right to go back to how we were knowing it was only as friends. I don't know about your situation but also, just in terms of trying to get that friendship back after whats happened, how much its hurt just seems impossible. Thats part of the reason, right now, I don't really have an urge to speak to her, I wouldnt know what to say or how to say it. Which is truly heartbreaking. Becoming strangers to someone you love so much just doesnt seem right. Im rambling I know. I guess what i'm trying to say is from my experience, if you still have deep feelings for this girl you cannot be friends. Unless you want to eat away at you, and it will! There's a lot more I could write. I think you have to ride the NC out until the feelings dissolve. Even for myself just saying that hurts, just another reminder of whats gone! Yeh bro i completely get how that feels and it sucks so much man no one should have to go through this and its the hardest thing that i have gone through in my life.. i wrote this in my other thread a little while ago explaining my situation but yeh: So basically i went out with my ex girlfriend for 8 months, we were each others first love, and everything seemed fine we were both happy then out of the blue she says she sees me more as a bestfriend than a boyfriend and she really doesnt want to lose me and she still wants to be best friends.. initially she said she doesnt know if shes making the right decsion she said she wants to make the decision mutual but i told her that i want her to be happy so we will break up if thats what she wants.. anyways this was 3 months ago. i was feeling like **** never went through something like this before and i never thought i would feel so bad if we broke up but yeh a lot has happened since we broke up we had a couple fights because it was hard for me to be just friends with her, i mean i tried being friends but it just caused to much pain for me so i went through a stage where i wouldnt initiate contact with her and id respond with short replies and she would message me heaps in this time and get heaps annoyed at why i wasnt talking to her much anymore... then we ended up having a period where we are friends and meeting up and talking every couple days.. she says i miss you and **** and even i love you but i know it doesnt mean she wants me back. i did everything you shouldnt do when you just break up because i was just so devestated and yeh so i tried telling her how much i love her etc etc telling her that she means so much to me and she just told me she has lost feelings for me and doesnt love me anymore like she used to. she said she wants to fall back in love with me but this was a couple months ago. she gets jelous when im with other girls and i got abit fed up with everything because she was sorta leading me on so i told her not to contact me anymore and i started the no contact. it has been about two weeks now and she hasnt messaged me or anything. her friends told me that she is terrified at the thought of losing me. i guess im doing this to get some control of my self emotionally but deep down i know its going to take me so long to get over her because i still love her. There was no real reason for the break up apart from her losing feelings for me she always tells me how im the nicest and sweetest guy and i did everything for her so i dont know if i still have a chance and what i should do with the whole no contact thing.. some advice would go a long way thanks <3
Author adrian1014 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Well done on your month of NC. The 'friends' thing is such a load of BS, but just remember she wants to be 'friends' for a reason ie it is for her benefit - not yours. Your priority is Numero Uno - end of. No buts, maybe's possibly's or anything else. Focus on you - because she's focussing on her; what suits her, what benefits her and what is to her advantage. Get rid of her from your life, get healed, get confident, get a better girlfriend! Yeh thanks so much for the wise words that is very true come to think of it, just sucks that we were really close with each other just cant help thinking if this no contact thing has had any impact on her yet though mm guess im just waiting for her to come back to me
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