Fields Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) I began dating this guy in December and our connection was amazing. We really liked each other a lot. He was there emotionally, completely transparent, he took huge leaps of faith, and went out of his way to spend time with me. He told me he was ready for something real. For two months things were good. We were seeing each other exclusively and he referred to me as his girlfriend. One morning when he thought I was sleeping he whispered that he loved me. Around the two month mark it felt like he began to withdraw and look for arguments. He began taking classes. It was around the two and a half month mark that he told me school was always first, work second. This stung, but it wasn't a deal breaker to me. That same night I checked out his cell phone and found a number of suggestive texts to one of his exes that he sent while we were dating and "exclusive", telling her he wanted to see her then immediately following it up with "are you seeing anyone" and another text telling her he wanted her to know he was thinking of her (this was on a night that we fought and he temporarily broke up with me over something stupid), another wishing her a happy valentines day....yet he also mentioned me near the end of the texts and said that he really liked me I was his best relationship so far. The texts he had sent her were few and far between....but very red flaggish. He had told me before hand that this particular ex had a belt buckle of his deceased father's that he was attempting to get back and that is the only reason he was continuing communication with her. When I confronted him on it he said it was all with the goal of getting his belt buckle back and it is a game to make her think he wants her and that his ego was bruised the night we were fighting blah blah. As if a bruised ego makes flirting with an ex excusable. But his story has continually changed and layers continue to be added with time, such as she has had exes who were physically threatening to him hence his asking about her seeing anyone, she was just a rebound/friend with benefits that he is fond of and harbors no feelings for... But all I see is someone morally questionable at best, if his story is true that is. I see someone who does not want to take responsibility for the moral question-ability of their actions and continues to dress his dirty laundry up with excuses. As much as he continues to insist that he is not emotionally involved with this ex, I don't believe him. Furthermore, it is extremely disrespectful, dysfunctional, and inconsiderate to me for him to be involved with his ex like this, whether he is emotionally involved or not, ****ing belt buckle or not. This concept he cannot understand. It infuriates me that he continues to excuse this behavior and come up with new reasons its acceptable. Whether deep down he knows he did wrong and is avoiding it or he honestly doesn't have any moral code...I don't know if one is better than the other. So, we broke up that night due to a number of things....him telling me he can't give me what I need and he isn't capable, that love and romance are a fairytale, me because his involvement with his ex and refusal to be held accountable was absolutely unacceptable....complete 360 from his words and actions up until that point. It was a shock to me and I cried all night and all morning. I had began to fall in love with him at this point, it wasn't developed to the point that I was deeply in love, but it was just budding, and it was love, regardless. About a week goes by and we're still talking, though not as much as we were. We were honest friends. No secret wishes, hopes, holding onto the past....I had let that all go. Then he proposed being friends with benefits (yeah yeah, I know)....which I have never done, and I'm up for anything once. Although I was honest and told him I loved him and I didn't think I was capable of separating sex from my emotions. So we're doing this fwb thing for a few weeks, then while we are out eating some lunch I discover that when he goes out with his dj best friend as his height man at gigs, he thinks grinding up on the females while dancing is a part of his job description. Again, this is something that he had apparently been doing while we were together. Grinding is basically simulating sex with clothes on. The man rubs his junk on the female, the female rubs her ass on his junk. How in bloody hell is this not disrespectful and inconsiderate to me, the one he was supposed to have been in an exclusive relationship with? Ew. Just ew. Grimy and low class. So I expressed my dismay and disgust and he tries to excuse it by comparing these women he dances with to blow up dolls. Really? Yeah. So now we're getting into misogyny territory. So according to his logic, because these women are nothing but pieces of meat to him, it's acceptable to dry hump them from behind??? Wait, WHAT?? The sad thing is this guy really believes his logic is sound. So I am so disgusted with this guy that I send him an email briefly stating that throughout the course of our relationship he has proven that he has no respect for me nor does he give a ****, and ending our fwb. It has been two days, and he has not talked to me since. I'm totally people/socially retarded (I have few friends), love retarded (this is my first time even falling in love), and I would like some input as to what is going on with this guy. Is there a chance he is hurt? Or just ego bruised? He continued to talk to me when we were only friends, which is why I want to stray away from thinking that because the sex is out of the question he's done with me. Your thoughts? I think he is a player by habit who saw a good girl and he tried very hard to respect me and give a ****, but miserably failed, and isn't even capable of knowing just how miserably he failed. But I still love him, dammit.... Edited March 15, 2013 by Fields
oracle Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 December? Seriously move on. That's zero invested. 1
Mack05 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 This was over as soon as you agreed to FWB. That is a demotion, a demotion you mostly don't ever come back from. If that's how you view yourself, how do you think he views you? He gets all the benefits and non of the 'hassle'. You should have ran a mile when you saw his true colours. Next time when you see red flags, act on them. Trust your instincts. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 This guy has shown you he has very poor character... The guy I am with loves a good party, but he is in a relationship now, so going out to clubs and grinding is not appealing to him, since he would feel very very bad doing that to a women he loves. It is not normal behaviour from a guy who is really in love or into a girl trust me, it is definitely HIM being an @ss, and it is NOT you. You sound like you know this, thank god:) His inappropriate dancing with other women was unfortunately not the only disrespectful thing he di to you by the sounds of things, so consider yourself lucky that this man did not fall madly in love with you! Think logically: would you WANT a guy who treats women this way? Any decent man would not treat women he is not into like dirt - he would realise he is not into a girl, and then BREAK UP with her! The problem with guys like this, is: he is too weak to be honest with you. He KNOWS he is not that interested in you. He KNOWS he does not have strong feelings for you and probably never will. So he strings you along because he likes your company and the sex that comes along with it. Next time, and I know that you mentioned that your socially inept: TRY to only date guys that act like that are really interested in getting to know you! If a guy is interested in you, and really makes seeing you a priority (despite a busy schedule) then these are just some signs that he could be interested in you. Always remember that there are plenty of guys like your ex; guys who don't like you tat much, but keep seeing you anyway. 1
Author Fields Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Sigh. I didn't figure he was in love with me. I hope I don't have to go through too many more frogs, cus this **** hurts!
Author Fields Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the responses Edited March 15, 2013 by Fields double post
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