CudLRoo Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Basically need advice! Spent a few weeks chatting to a girl on OLD, she seemed really down to earth, normal, we had innocent chats, nothing sexual, just pleasant stuff, she just seemed really nice, my type. Met up a couple of days back and - initially - when we met in person, there was no 'buzz' there but I decided to honour the date and just go with the flow. So, she's invited me to a hotel for first date (this is what threw me originally, bit forward) so we have a few drinks, a good chat, a laugh or two, and she ends up kissing me...which seems to have been my first mistake. Have a few more drinks and the history starts coming out...she is an extremely abused person with YEARS of rape and abuse and obsessive behaviour, too much to list here, she just opens up massively, I feel very sorry for her and try to help her but start getting this HUGE red flag feeling in my gut, a very panicky one. So, few more drinks, back to room, more talking about what her ex used to do, unspeakably horrible, he was insane from drugs for years, she couldn't leave the house. Conversation follows this path for an hour or so, her head stuck on FB. Then, out of nowhere, she asks me when am I gonna f*ck her in the b*tt....no rubber....this throws me a tad because I'm not sure unprotected buttsechs is the 'norm' for a first date(!!!!!!!!!) Rather than being turned on, I get extremely spooked-out, end up giving her a few orgasms thru oral but blame drink on not getting it up (iwhen it was actually my Spidey senses). Basically, she's been looking for 'The One' on OLD, but has gone about it by offering her bits up at the earliest opportunity to LOTS of guys who sweet-talk her, so she's had a lot of wham, bang, thank you, m'ams, scuzzy ones at that (back of vehicles, fields etc.!!!). As the first non-freaky, non-abuser type of date she's ever had, I'm seemingly 'high status'...and she wants to to marry me, have my kids and move in ASAP!!!!! She's *expecting* to meet me today...I want to run for the hills. I could *easily* stand her up today with no recourse...I just feel so guilty, especially as she's so vulnerable and severely f*cked-up, mentally...I've never stood anyone up before, but I feel I HAVE to do this to save my own sanity!!! I'm feeling like I have to dodge a SCUD missile here, not your average bullet!!! I'm gonna break her heart, and, knowing her type, it might take her AGES to get over me...I don't like hurting people, but I think this action may benefit my future sanity, AND my wallet (I paid for everything, she never offered, she has no money I think) I feel really awful because I feel like I've led her on, yet I don't think I have, I even explained to her that 24 hours was not enough to get married on, and had long chats about how she needed to seek counselling about her stuff because she never has, and we''re talking three decades of abuse here! First online date and THIS happens...sucks to be a genuine guy! :eek:0 Thinking of just sending her a very long text explaining that she's really sweet but mixed up and I wanna tell her that I had a nice time with her but aren't seeking anything so big, so soon (at all, really), I know I'm gonna **** all over her parade but I've been vulnerable myself the last few months and simply cannot take such a broken person on, I want an equal not someone to permanently look after, she'd end up wrecking me. Can I just do this? I KNOW I'm gonna feel guilty but I feel this is for the best, nipping it in the bud now before it gets way out of hand. Part of me wants to go because I want to help her talk through her probs (which is what i spent 85% of the date doing) but I often over-stretch myself for others, maybe too much. Aw, people, what a palaver. Damn, she's just texted me saying she "can't wait"....
SJC2008 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I don't like worst case scenarios becuae well... They're worst case ya know? I mean Russia could wipe us off the face of the earth before we even knew what hit us but it's just a worse case scenario ya know?...
Author CudLRoo Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 ^'Cheers'. It's early morning here, just written a HUGE text, just wondering if I should delay dropping the bomb for a few hours (we're supposed to meet at 4) or am I better off just doing it now?? Christ, never been in this situation before, once is enough, never doing online dating again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ascendotum Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Can you just do this...Yes you have to look out for No.1 I think its best to send her the txt sooner rather leave it till just before she is getting ready to go out or maybe even do it over the phone so it can be done a little more gently. IDK, tell you have been involved with a person with similar history before not so long ago and it took an emotional toll on you and you are not ready so soon to get involved seriously with another woman who has traumatic history because you cannot support her emotionally at this time in your life...or something along the lines of its not you its me type thing. Oh boy. I think you should have gone with the butt sex instead of oral if she's been through a lot of guys. If she's looking for 'the one' on OLD and that's her MO for the first date, she's going to be looking for a while. The only guys that will be interested in her are scuzzy ones...for a short while anyway.
Author CudLRoo Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Cheers A, I actually just sent the text and am now awaiting the inevitable madness....shaking like a leaf! I really worded it nicely but I get the impression she's gonna be texting me quite a LOT today.....>
ascendotum Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 What a doozey for your first OLD date. Well, having the girl hit you up for sex on your first date, is not bad going straight off, but errr not really in this case, unless you had no conscience. She is going to scare off all of her 'genuine good guy' dates unless they are very inexperienced & desperate and will think they have found a great up for action girl who is crazy for them.
Author CudLRoo Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 ^I think that's the point, I wasn't in it for the 'action', I just wanted to meet a 'normal' girl (she omitted LOTS of facts on her profile!), someone who I may have gelled with - I never asked for sex on the first date! She's...pretty crazy. Tbh, from the sound of it, it seems every guy she's met has shagged her, she showed me photos of some...freaky pondlife one and all! I *do* feel a bit guilty but I shouldn't really, just a pity I fell into this bloody huge trap that I'm in! Getting the feeling it might be a looooooooooooooong time before I seek a relationship again, and if I do decide to have one, it'll definitely be a real life one, like I've always been accustomed to before this! Dang, I feel so soiled!
Author CudLRoo Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Yeah, I made a BIG, naive mistake, I'll just say that I actually told her repeatedly throughout the date that she needed to get help because she's suffered so much and never told anyone. So many different disorders goin' on, she was reeling them off, would've been nice of her to tell me first! Let's just say things degenerated very rapidly once I twigged (took me an hour or so to notice 'abnormalities', I should've just scarpered but am too fckin' polite! She knows my name n' number, that's all - how long should this stalky thing last? (SCARED)
StanMusial Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 If she is on OLD sites, she will probably find another victim shortly. Give it a day or two to blow over, I wouldn't worry about it. 1
Author CudLRoo Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 ^Only to give me her address to return her Zippo lighter (I lit a cigarette with it, was drunk, forgot to give it her back), no Xs or 'love' or "come BACK!!!" or anything, just the address in lower case. Maybe that might be it? Certainly hope so!
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