RogerWallace111 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I miss her, yet I am ok without her. I have come to terms with what I really want out of life and am finally making significant steps toward it as a direct result of my losing the complacency she provided me. Things feel really good, yet they maintain a bittersweet undertone when I am reminded of her. I know the pain losing her caused me was and is very necessary in my growth as a person. I can honestly say I wouldn't be as content and happy right now should our relationship have been prolonged. I know it's for the better. And I'm not saying that as some means of convincing myself it's true, it really is. On the day to day, and in the long run. It's lifted the dully miserable stagnancy I experienced while with her (which was not her fault, but a product of how I reacted to being in that relationship). But, no matter how much I know my life and it's path have been positively affected, and how relieved I am to not feel the way I used to feel, I miss the f*ck out of her at times. Perhaps it's that pain which has driven me to compensate with other means of finding personal and "spiritual" fulfillment. But tonight it hurts incredibly badly to think she's just there at her house, I'm here at mine, and we're not together. It's unbelievably crazy to me to think that the most terrible pain I've felt has also been the gateway to finding the most personal liberation and satisfaction of my life thus far. I want to have that and to have her. It hurts so badly, but I know if I had to choose, I'd take what I have now, no question. Yet it feels so unfair. I want to have her and be the empowered me that it seems only sorrow can summon. It's an incredible juxtaposition, paradox, catch 22, whatever you'd like to call it... Missing her so badly yet being so deeply relieved to have moved on. I'm heartbroken and thrilled. I don't know how to fully explain it.
biggysmilez Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 i completely understand. i would be sacrificing a lot for my ex in the next two years. and when he dumped me, i was able to quit focusing on his future and start focusing on mine. that was a relief. i know there are great things out there for me. i know this breakup will make me a better girlfriend for the next person. i know there is a good future in store. but the pain of the loss of the love that i experienced with my ex still keeps me crying every day. i am miserable and excited all at the same time. it's so confusing. 1
Author RogerWallace111 Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 i completely understand. i would be sacrificing a lot for my ex in the next two years. and when he dumped me, i was able to quit focusing on his future and start focusing on mine. that was a relief. i know there are great things out there for me. i know this breakup will make me a better girlfriend for the next person. i know there is a good future in store. but the pain of the loss of the love that i experienced with my ex still keeps me crying every day. i am miserable and excited all at the same time. it's so confusing. Yep. I am extremely relieved to be out of it, and I would have been shorting myself big time for the sake of the relationship should it have continued. And I too know it's resulted in me already being a way better "catch" for the next girl- there are a couple key things that I can say for myself now that I couldn't six months ago that make me stand out from the crowd in an undoubtedly desirable way. Plus, of course, all the other relationship lessons I learned. I am probably further out than you (6 months, like I said), and I'm not crying or miserable, but from time to time, like last night, I feel a strong pain and sadness missing her badly. And a kind of "tragic" feeling about the whole thing, in the sense that it seems unfair, unavoidable and impossible to win in. But, sometimes you gotta just say "f*ck it!", and let yourself believe in it. Cause the future will definitely be fine, and in mine and your situations, way better and more exciting...
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